(My story is here.)<p>Just talked to H, he sounded very down. I asked him if he was going to be ok (he's on his way to work). He says, "don't worry about me, I'll be ok, I have to be."<p>Telling me not to worry about him has been a frequent statement of his, but I find it infinitely frustrating. I actually asked him today if he realistically expected me to do that, and he told me that it didn't help him when I do worry about him. <p>Where is this coming from?? Is it the guilt, or him feeling bad about himself? Should I just stop asking him how he is or expressing concern? <p>A little more about our current status: we are doing this quasi in house separation thing (sleep apart Mon-Thurs, together Fri-Sun) since 5/21. So far twice he has slept with me on nights he was scheduled to sleep in the guest room, supposedly because he hadn't moved his stuff in there, and it was very late, he felt bad about waking me up to get it, etc. <p>I just don't know how to respond to this. Any ideas? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: Jelly Girl ]</p>

Hey Jelly - So sorry you have to go through this.<p>There is the chance that he gives this response because maybe he feels he has no right to lay his feelings on you. E.g. I used to believe that if I brought up my feelings, my hurts, that my BH would feel I was negating his feelings. It wasn't like that at all. He may feel that he has no right to have any feelings at all right now.<p>The best you can do is ask, let him know that you sense something is bothering, that you acknolwedge he has the right to have feelings too, and that when he is ready you are there for him.<p>Are you guys in counseling? It might be a good idea. I hope this helps some. My best to you.

Hi Tutter,<p>Thanks for your response. I think that could be part of it. I also wonder sometimes if it's withdrawal symptoms that I'm seeing - it's been two months since they've had direct contact, but she has an online journal that he still reads, which I think probably counts as contact. If he was thinking about her I really doubt he'd tell me. He still hasn't acknowledged that their relationship continued after D-Day #1 (see my story for details) so to admit he was pining for her would also be admitting to the feelings he had for her, which he continually denied he had.<p>I will try what you suggested next time this comes up and see how he responds. We are in marriage counseling, so I might be able to bring it up there as well.<p>If there are any other WSs that could help me understand this, I'd really appreciate your input.