I am new to the board - my story - one month after we were married (10/3/98 the Jerry Springer Wedding we had)the old girlfriend called the house when she knew he would be at work to say they (husband and her) were together the weekend before our wedding. She told me details of where, when and how she knows me (I have no clue who she is - she has met my son who was 3 at the time)
Well husband claims they only talked.
All the time I've been married I will ask him "what realy happened?", again they only talked.
Well 4 years later he admitted he did go to meet her to have S*X - but nothing did happen.
SO I should just get over it - it has been 4 yrs now. We have started to see a counsler about 3 mos ago but stopped due to $ husband did not want to pay. Husband says "The counsler said it's been 4yrs now you should just get over it"
I CAN'T!!! He did this a WEEK befor walking down the isle, he tarnished this marriage before it started!!

sooz;<p>I'm sorry to hear of your pain with this; that is definitely a tough situation. Most experts agree that an A has to be "processed" by both spouses so that it can be put behind them, so certainly you need to do that. Couseling would probably be the best, but there are other ways. Many good books on the subject, etc.<p>To get you started, let me direct you to a thread about "forgiveness" which will be helpful to you:<p>Forgiveness<p>and to a "reading list" we have around here:<p>MB Reading List<p>Hang in there!

It's obviously something that your H has 'gotten over' already... but then again, he's had over 4 YEARS to do that!!! You haven't had that time. You've only had a few months to deal with it (if that).<p>I am so sorry for your pain right now. You are living proof of why it is so important for all of the truth to come out at the beginning. Please understand that your H thought he was protecting you by not telling you the truth at first. Unfortunately, the old adage "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" isn't true when it comes to infidelity. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Sooz, my H had an affair 4 years ago for 4 months. He told me on 3/7/02. He told me about the A voluntarily partly because living with that secret was very hard for him.<p>He also said that since it happened 4 years ago he hoped that it wouldn't be so hard for me. Sheesh!<p>It's been very difficult because I have been trying to piece together what was happening with us back in 1998 so I could make some sense of it all. <p>We started counseling with Steve Harley and that has made all the difference in the world. SH has told my H that to me it doesn't matter that the A was so long ago; it still has to be processed. So he gave H a homework assignment - His Recovery Plan, and we both filled out the Emotional Needs questionnaire and Love Buster's questionnaire. <p>We're a work in progress. My H has been in contact with the OW right up until 3/7/02. They were good friends after the A ended. I told him absolutely no contact - not ever again. We sent her a letter; she called him twice after the letter was sent; then in May she sent him a letter. He waited 3 days to tell me about the letter. <p>Other MBers have called this conflict avoidance behavior. What I am finding is that not only do I have a problem with what he has done; I have a problem with the fact that he doesn't tell me right away and that is creating a new set of problems. It's hard for me to build trust when he isn't completely open and honest. <p>Reading MB material, posting here and reading about others situations and how they've handled it has helped keep me sane. Good luck CSue