Here is the latest and greatest in my life......<p>H leaves Saturday for the Reserves and if you know anything about my story he told me that he was going to take his 2 weeks away to figure out what he wanted and that he was 80% wanting to leave and 20% wanting to stay, this was about 3 weeks ago. <p>Last night he started a relationship conversation with me which is unusual because to be honest communication is one of our biggest problems, he has always kept everything inside until he busts, anyways he started talking about how he was tired of counseling, tired of doctors, tired of appointments and just wanted to be left alone to figure out what he wants - all I said to this is "well, you have to do what is best for you” I’m not sure how we got on the topic of him figuring out what he wants but the just of the conversation was that he feels like he is dying inside and just wants to have his independence back, doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone, do what he wants when he wants - In general be very selfish! I made some comment about just wanting my boring old life back and he agreed and said that there were days where he wishes that he had never started all of this but right now he was 70% wanting to leave and 30% wanting to stay (hey my odds have gotten better). I told him that I would support any changes he wanted to make in our lives and that right now I was no more in love with him than he was with me but I knew that with time and a lot of work that our marriage could be wonderful - even better than before - as long as he was honest with me - (this is the crappy part) he tells me that he's not sure that he can say that if presented with the opportunity to cheat again that he wouldn’t do it! I about gave up right then and there - that is a bunch of crap - why am I putting up with this? But then he goes back to the "I will always love you no matter what" line and he just wants to be happy and doesn’t know how to be - that I would be better off if he just died because this would be easier on everyone, how he is just a loner and doesn’t need people, that I'm never going to trust him again, why would I want him he is an as*Hol* (I could go on forever) - What do I say to this? I just told him that I love him and know that things can be better...We ended up have SF which was wonderful and with me more confused than ever...does anyone have any opinions on this I'm open to anything right now... I'm not sure if this was a good conversation or not?!?!<p>
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