Here is a brief summary:<p>04/27/02 -- W leaves home to "Clear her head". One nighter causing guilty feelings, she is also questioning feelings for me, and said she has been for some time.<p>The next 3 days are "tense", but there is still some showing of affection. Hugs, kissing, handholding, etc. No SF. But...2 or 3 days prior to her leaving, we had SF and it was GREAT! As a matter of fact, I told her right after SF that I would put that experience in the top 3 of our marriage, if not #1.<p>04/30/02 -- I found out she is having an A. She confesses. I did not go wild like she expected. (Somehow I got the reputation of a bad temper). I was devastated past the point of anger. We talked for hours, I really, truly felt some sorrow for her, even though she had just devastated me. We were close, affectionate with each other, apologizing to each other for the mistakes in each others lives, etc.<p>05/01/02 -- The next day, icicles begins to form. She becomes very cold and distant with me. Absolutely no affection whatsoever. Resisted and rejected any attempts by me to touch her in any way. Still, that way for the most part, but she will let me touch her hand or hug her. She will not reciprocate, says her "love" for me now is not the "in love" kind. I haven't had a kiss or hug from her since 05/01/02.<p>What I really am trying to figure out is this:<p>It seems as though just because I "found out" about the A, everything she feels is different now. The last day we had SF, 3 days before she left, I KNOW she enjoyed it as much as I did. Would just the mere fact of me knowing alter her way of thinking and feelings that much? Maybe there is a WW out there who can give me some insight to this.<p>I am thinking along the lines of she is now thinking that anything she does with me, would be "cheating" on OM, even though he is out of the picture, I am quite sure. She told me during this period that she was in love with him, but knew it would never work. Since he was also married with a D, and she began to list several qualities about him that I know after 14 years of being married to her that she detests. But she now knew that she was not in love with me either. I gathered from a conversation we had that she was comparing her feelings towards me against her feelings of him. Is this a normal reaction from a WW? Do they get that "cold" after the A is discovered? <p>HCII

Hi, <p>In response to your questions, all this WS reaction is quite foglike normal. To the rest of the real world, nothing the WS does in regards to family at this point makes sense. Like you one day and bite your head off the next, makes the BS start looking for Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde potions. <p>I thought my H was on some type of drug (like even extasy (sp?)). That is what the A does to their minds, it scrambles them. Yet they are still allowed to roam free in society reeking havoc. <p>So that is what you are dealing with and I offer my condolences. It is a hard thing to deal with. (understatment of the year/decade, millenium, etc.).<p>What you need to do is read up on the concepts section understand what plan A and B really means and if you can squeeze a session or two with Steve or Jennifer it will help. <p>Take Care,
L

hcii,<p>This was the same pattern for me as well. My W and I had SF at our favorite getaway. The next week D-day hit. Right after that she was cold and distant with me. We held hands and MAYBE a peck on the cheek, but that's all. I knew something was odd, but never in 100 years did I think she would have an A. I found out a month and a half later what was going on, and right after that, after W knew that I found out about them, she turned for the worst. W did not want me to touch her, kiss her or tell her that I love her any more. No more SF at all. Then every hurtful word spilled out of her month towards me. Go Figure.<p>I guess after the nasty news was out, she did not care what happened anymore. This happened over a year ago.<p>Dino