I'm am feeling down today. It is exactly a year since WS came to me with the B*******S story of suffering from depression and because of being a professional he cannot be treated in a clinic but will get an aptm and will be treated there. I felt sorry for him, I had all the compassion in the world and I was going to support him.<p>All lies, lies, lies. This was the day my whole life changed and for two months I was the dutiful wife, who took control of the house, kids, business. Only to be confronted two mnths down the line with D-day. Also the start of uncontrollable emotions that I never new I was capable of showing.<p>Where am I at today. WS is living with OW. He filed for DV in March 02, I counter filed on grounds of adultery. It is the end of May and to date WS has not reacted on me counter filing.<p>OW is slowly, slowly taking control of not only WS (the fog is still so deep) but also our business. I can only look on and see how a once powerful and respected man has lost the respect of not only his family but also his community and collegues. His brother and I cried this morning, he cannot understand that this wonderful man that had everything, loving family, successful career, the envy of the community could give it all up for a manipulative, controlling, demanding secretary. Or shall I quote his brother - "A shark that is out to get everything and once she is finish with him she will spit him out and then he will have nothing"<p>I am tired of this soap opera. My DD's and I, am doing fine without him. I have grown thanks to MB and my therapist. I have regained my self respect and confidence. I feel sad for my children because they are still praying that he returns. <p>Today I don't know whether I will take back a man who prouds himself in the fact that the OW is protecting him whilst his wife must protect his very own children.<p>Today I don't know whether I will take back a man that not once since he left had the decency to phone his wife to find out once how his children is doing. Phone calls to his children has dwindled from 5 times a day to once or twice a week. Yet he proclaims to the world how much he loves and cares for his children and they have adapted quite well to our sitch. A year down the line the children is still crying for him. Now they are begging me not to leave them. But according to him they are just fine.<p>My anger, resentment, disrespectful judgement and demands towards him is gone. I have also reached the point where it does not matter to me whether I see him or not. Does this mean I don't love him anymore. Is the love bank depleted - Today I don't know.<p>Will I have the patience to wait for the A to die a natural death - Today I don't know.<p>A year ago today I would never have envisaged that I would ever be at this point of acceptance and that the pain would ever go away.<p>Today, I will pray for God to grant me the serenity. to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.<p>Today, I will pray to God to give me the strenght to continue with the spiritual battle that I am fighting to regain not the old marriage that I had, not the old H that was then but a renewed marriage and a H which through his experience have also grown to be a better and wiser person.<p>I will light a candle for him tonight. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
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