I did not reply in the other thread because i felt i would not be able to supply any positive feedback however
that thread hit way to close to home and this could have alot to do with the way I am today.
I apoligize in advance to Kash for using his topic for MY story
my story is as follows:
in the mid 70's my mom (17) fell in love with the ultimate wild child...rode a harley, long hair, tatoos the works. she would follow him everywhere and he rarely gave her the time of day, on the rare occasion that he did give her the time of day..errr.. night i was concieved and of course he didnt believe i was his, wanted nothing to with mom or me etc.... mom met the man who became my stepfather when i was 3 months old and seeing as how mom was still living at home with her parents i was often left there so my mother could go out and party, and do all the other stuff a teenager does.
Mom and the man i call dad moved in together when i was 1 yr old. and i was raised by my grandparents because my mother could not handle the responsibilites of parenting. she would take me on the weekends and i would go to her and dads apt. where i seen the most horrific stuff a young child could. Dad and mom rolling around on the floor literally beating on each other swearing etc.. the neighbors downstairs would call the police and dad would sit in front of the door on the floor so they could not enter. this was quite frequent.... when they were not fighting dad loved me and played with me... the apple of his eye sometimes.... that is until my sister was born... then i was pushed aside.. like so much garbage because He finally had a baby of his own... no need for the one that wasnt really his when he had his own.
after 2 more children for mom and dad.. i realized that i was put on the shelf kind of like a dictionary ... only to be acknowledged when needed. ...the beatings had stopped all together cause mom beat the crap out of him one night with a bat and he never hit again after that
in the years that followed my grandfather bought my mother the house next to theirs so I could be kind of close to my mother.. I guess my grandfather felt bad that my three sisters got to live with her but I couldnt because "there was no room"<p>in my early teens Dad got into heroine real heavy and mom was contantly throwing him out I became the babysitter of 3 kids age 5yr to 6mo while mom worked double shifts and then partied all night long.
silly me during this time thinking how special I was to be a babysitter at 12 how grown up.. how much she must trust me....when in reality i was only used.
In this time I hated dad... with a passion... for doing drugs, for all the years he beat on my mom, for ignoring me, for everything that he ever did to show me how little i was liked by him.
ANd he hated me too. whenever he was living at home.. I was not allowed in my mothers house because "i was a bad influence on my sisters"
when i would ask my mother why she didnt stick up for me her reply was that i shouldnt make him so angry and the she couldnt help what he decided, this was my mothers house not his, i atill do not understand why his word was GOD .<p>a few years later after my mother had him arrested for possesion of heroine he did 18 months in jail and apparently cleaned up.
so once again she took him back... telling me how much he changed and how he told her he loved me and that he was going to be different this time.
I was 19 then and i am 27 now,. there is still no change... as of today my step father hates my H with a passion.... so much that I do not go to family functions where dad and H will have to meet up with eachother
and doesnt aknowledge my children as his grandchildren..... well he did until my sisters started having babies.
I have a boy 6mo and a girl 2yrs and while he plays with my daughter he rarely aknowledges my son. however he used to play with them on occasion but now.
the other day my sister was having her first baby and found out ahead of time that it would be a boy.. .Dad comes to the hospital and said "I am finally getting a grandson" and I WAS RIGHT THERE.......... nothing like trying to make me feel bad. i left the hospital crying..
seems to be history repeating himself.
mom still sticks up for and told me that he didnt mean it like that and that it is different when its your blood. <p>how nice for them..<p>since this last comment i have not spoken to my mother or my father. nor do i intend to ever speak with dad again unless i get an apology which i know i will not. so this relationship after 26 years of instabilty has finally ended and i have also decided that if my mother wants to see her grand children she will have to come to then cause i will be damned if i will submit my children to what i had to go through <p>i have 3 sisters and none of us acknowledge eachother as 1/2s we consider each other whole sisters and we would do anything for eachother i guess this makes up for the loss of a dad i never had.<p>just my vent for the day<p>[ May 30, 2002: Message edited by: AllTheGoodNamesRTakn ]</p>