this may be long, so please bare with me.<p>husband comes home from work last night, and really seems to want to talk. i am very excited about that alone! so i fix him dinner and sit with him. he starts telling me about his friend rob (this is the friend that covered for him, he also works for hubby)and the problems he is having with his girlfriend. its a long story, but eerily similar to my husbands and mine-it freaks me out a bit. anyway, he is telling me all about it and goes into all the advice he has given this poor kid. HE IS OUT THERE GIVING RELATIONSHIP ADVICE!!! you could have knocked me over with a breath! he has time to help others with their relationship issues but cant have a simple talk with me about ours??? i think its time to go elephant hunting again!!roflmao--<p>but the huge kick in the azz came later. he was telling me that she needed space-recently divorced-and her friends have a shore house and she wants to spend the summer with them. i wont go into it all, but she needs to do this and i agree-if you had all the details you would too.
so i told husband-why would it be so bad let her go...
him...he could never survive THAT...
me...how do you know what he can survive?? people can survive more than you think!!!<p>we were silent after that for a few minutes. then started discussing it again. here comes the kicker...he goes on to explain to me that his friend would be the laughing stock if he let her go all summer and then return as if nothing happened, he would have no respect left..blah blah blah. <p>thats all i heard because the emotional shock had set in by then. i felt as if i was in a bad dream and couldnt wake up. at least i know how they all feel about me. he was absolutely clueless about what he said to me. i had to leave the room to vomit. when i returned he was happily eating his steak and didnt say anything else. then he lays on me he feels guilty for all the pain rob is in because he told him to stay with her awhile ago...then adds for his own selfish reasons. i actually shake off the shock because i think he is gonna make a reference to us and our relationship, since theirs could be ours 10 yrs ago-i think he's gonna say something along the lines of i just wanted to see them make it, or with all that was going on with us i was trying to save them...what i got was-he convinced him to stay with her because when he is with her his job performance is unbelievable, his numbers skyrocketed...who the he// is this man in my house?? i almost fell over again.<p>i am so amazed by all this, any thoughts.

nikko you know some men just don't use their brains when they speak. Your H obviously doesn't see himself in the same category as this girlfriend who needs space. I'm sure if the comparison was presented to him he wouldn't understand how the situations are even vaguely similar.<p>In your shoes I would have had to bite my tongue hard enough to draw blood and I'm still not sure I wouldn't have LB'ed him into seeing it my way. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It appears your H sees relationships of others from a productivity point of view. That doesn't necessarily mean he sees his own relationship that way. From experience I can tell you that WH's have a tendency to disassociate themselves from any comparison of what they did to another cheating person. I don't quite understand the difference but some how they manage to "forget" they have done the same thing.<p>Just keep up your healthy attitude and ignore his silly statements. Easier said than done I know, but remember your goal!

Hello there my friend!
Sorry about your dear husbands callousness.... that conversation would have whalloped me emotionally too. Did you try to open up to him about that conversation later? Maybe if he just needs help seeing what is so obvious to us. <p>Of course it helps to know you both agree to be totally honest and promise to take things in stride. You can perhaps point it out without blaming? I know our situations arent quite the same, but total honesty helped my wife and I get to where we are now.<p>HUGS
-HI

dear tiny- thanks for the reply-there is no infidelity in their relationship. she is just getting out of a horrible marriage and met rob. they really seemed to click-but she is scared. she is also 30 yrs old and has never had a life of her own. the similarities with them and us are the age, the divorce thing and a few others-not the infidelity. im sorry i didnt clarify that. i just cant believe this kid-hes in his 20's is taking advice from hubby dearest and other who also have screwed up every relationship they were in.<p>HANGIN--i am so happy to hear from you!!!!!!!! i have been wondering about you, thought you fell off the face of the earth!!lol. how is everything with your wife-i hope you two are making wonderful progress. have prayed for you and her.
thanks for the reply-i couldnt bring it up last night-too late-11:30. he got out of work late again.plus i needed to come out of the shock. i will delve into it tonight further. he needs to realize he has to help work on us. he is doing certain things better, not consistent, but better.<p>anyway glad to hear from you-please update me on you.