When does the wondering what they are doing, talking to, thinking about ease up?
The wondering (or should I say fear)if they are going to leave again?
Wondering if they are ever going to show an effort or if they are even making one inside or plans to...oh I don't know?
The wondering if they CAN really love you again?
The wondering if they will ever "get over" the other woman? (not forget...just get over?
And last of all wondering if you will ever hear I am sorry, not so much for what he did, but for the pain caused me and my little one. Most of all I just want him, no one else to hold me tight while I cry. TO understand the depth of my love and the depth of my pain, the strength that it took to stay the course and work, fight,letgo, and pray for us.<p>Anyway, Just wondering...(if you haven't guessed) [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

(((((Faith N Hope)))))<p>I'm wondering too...

I don't know if the things you are wondering about are things you will ever get a answer to. I do know that after time the answers and things you look for answers for are nver answered. I think that ulrtimately if you are able to work things out and learn to love and trust more then the two of you once did, you just once again feel the comfort of being with them. You eventually are able to get over the feelings of mistrust, adn hurt. I think really the answer to all your questions are inside yourself, because as long as you continue to harbor the pain and hurt inside you will continue to look for those answers. You need to be strong for yourself and your little one, know what you feel, know what it would take for you to forgive and learn to trust again. Most likely inside you still have alot of questions about yourself and what role you played in his ability to go out and do this. I know what role I played in our marriage developing the problems that happened before my wife left me, and for those I look at my self to change. I take no responsibility for the choices my wife chose to make. My marriage is now at the separation faze which is only leading up to the divorce. I have so many questions, different, but the same. I ask them and I look for answers, but knwo I will never get the answer. That hurts, but all I can do is focus on myself, and the kids I now have to raise as a single dad. By the days things get better and I find less and less wondering and more and more optimism. Hang in there and don't look for the answers to those questions, if the tow of you choose to work things out you will feel when things are right, and recongnize his committment to the marriage.

Hey FNH, <p>I was thinkin about callin' you this past weekend. May the next one? <p>Now to your wonderin' ?????<p>So far from where I've been and what others have said, you don't really stop wondering. Just like those who went through WWI & WWII, the depression of the 20s, 9/11/01, you have been through a life changing experience. Never will you stop wondering. But you wil be able to keep it in perspective and move forward with your life. One tool I found is to put the onis on the WS even after they turn back into the spouse/mate, to make the family happy (including the BS who is now also the mate/spouse). That becomes your leveling tool, the marriage gage so to speak. A 'pleasant' reminder to both to keep the eye simple and look out for the needs of others....in their family. <p>JMHO,

It eases up when your WS is demonstrably and sincerely committed to recovery and is taking steps to rebuild trust. Once that starts it is only a matter of time. Until that happens, it is a life of worry and despair.<p>[ June 04, 2002: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</p>

F&H,
I am the wonder-bug in person! Positively hyper-wondering, obsessive, spymaster nut!<p>It doesn't go away; you have to make it go away for yourself. It has taken me a LOT of personal work, and even today, I sometimes still obsess about it, imagine the craziest scenarios and possibilities, and lose sleep over it.<p>But, in the end, you will realize things like it doesn;t matter if they spoke once or 4 times today, it doesn't matter if threy had a good conversation or not, it's all the same; your actually knowing the details does not make a difference at all in your ability to change it, so why obsess about it?<p>So it starts not being as important, as critical to know, and slowly, ever so slowly, as you become more secure in where YOU are as a person, it begins to stop hurting you so much.<p>For me; I'm ready for anything now. Whether they spoke today or not....who knows? But I do check up on her every once in a while, just to make sure things she says or does can be confirmed or whether I'm getting smoke. (I also have a very particular situation in that my W's OM is a federal prisoner in for drug distribution, so there are other security and legal considerations for me, so I have to keep tabs on some things in case they could affect me or the kids).<p>So hang in there; try not to make this an obsession, try not to imagine scenarios (as they are usually wrong!) and you'll help yourself more than what you think "knowing" will help you.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>It eases up when your WS is demonstrably and sincerely committed to recovery and is taking steps to rebuild trust. Once that starts it is only a matter of time. Until that happens, it is a life of worry and despair. <hr></blockquote><p>Yep, MelodyLane... yep...yep...yep...<p>Cali

Thanks! I really appreciate your replies. One thing he does it sarcastic jokes about recovery and such...any experience of that out there? Last night the OW called at 11:55 to tell H that the truck (which according to H we get back this weekend) that the truck wouldn't stay running so she was getting a jump. My question is how was she getting it started if there wasn't enough juice to keep it running. Also, how inconsiderate of H knowing that he had to get up at 4. I think I heard her call him honey when he answered, I asked and he said he didn't think so, he didn't know. I think that he was probably asleep still. I asked H how he felt about talking to her, he said not good not bad...well I don't think it has been lon enough for that response, but I let it go. Then I asked if there was or would be contact after this weekend. He said no. THEN...(he suprised mw with this answer) I asked what exactly she expected or wanted you to do about it, he replied that he was wondering that himself. I am just praying and trying to trust a little about this weekend. Did you guys know that portable phones have a page button that when the phone beeps it can be heard from under a bed mattress? The only reason I know is that the first time I left H alone with the phones I hid them (stupid but he took it in good humor.) he hit the button and found it for our daughter to call. I told him that sometimes I wish that I could order an anvil from acme (jokinly) and drop it on his head, he said I would miss and it would come back up an get me instead...so now I am Wiley and he is Beep-Beep, we are even thinking of painting it on the doors of our vehicles, anyway, there was a positive out of this, my friend and I went to a garage sale, I found a little stuffed Wiley animal. I brought it back for him and when I brought it from out of behind my back and said a little reminder to laugh, and something so we don't for get where we have come from when we are O.K. and most of all a reminder that I should stay away from Acme Stores! I got a REAL BIG, moy old H, GENUINE smile and laugh. The money I spent wasn't much but I would have spent a trillion dollars for that smile. Orchid, my email has changed as has my #. If I didn't lose your e-mail when I switched I will e-mail you with it. If so our new e-mail is corymelina.peltier@att.net and my private one is measodie@ivillage.com

Hi FNH,<p>Good story and good status. Gotta laugh about the anvil.....boy, don't rile you up. Wile E Coyote on your side??? LOL!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Too funny!<p>I saved your addy. <p>Thanks,
L.