H asked me last night why I did not where this Sexy nighty he had bought for me anymore... my reply was because I was wearing it when I found out about your A... He said so. huh .... so buttons.
this got me remembering the night I foud out..... We were right in the middle of some serious foreplay when the OW's H called to tell me that H was seeing his W.
how creepyis thaat? ....getting ready to have sex when you find out?.......... talk about killing the mood.<p>
so what were you doing when you found out?<p>[ June 01, 2002: Message edited by: AllTheGoodNamesRTakn ]</p>

we were in the basement-his game room-having a heated discussion of how i dont want anything to do with his family-they have disrespected me from the start and he has done nothing, so i just avoid the situations now instead of being abused or eventually telling them off-he was also bringing up the fact that i wont have another baby-can you believe it-he was with her the night before and that morning and is now trying to make me feel guilty for not wanting another baby-by the way, i have medical concerns for not wanting to do it again. then when i cornered him and told him he needed to confess-i knew about something else, not the affair-he spilled it all. you all know the rest.

Sitting at home wondering where H was at...it was 10pm, he should've been home by 8, he wasn't answering his cell, I called one of his friends to see if he knew, he said nothing, but his wife called me back and said that she wasn't supposed to say anything, but she 's been "hearing stories" about my H messing around with someone at work. I confronted H, he denied for a second, then admitted to EA and PA, but lied about details..well the rest is in my sig...<p>Pretty sad that this was nearly 6 months ago and I can remember it like it was yesterday...heck it feels like it happened yesterday. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

My wife had asked for sometime to be by herself away from the kids and me. She said things were just to hard for her at home. She delayed it out one week from the time she had originally indicated she was going to be back. When shee came back she asked me to leave for a while, so she could be with the kids and work one thing at a time. I was totally confused, how things got so bad so fast. She stayed home with the kids one night, phoned me the next day, said she was stressed out couldn't handle the kids, siad she needed to stay in a hotel, as she couldn't stay at any of her friends, she was to mixed up. Bells starterd to go off in my head, but I thought no I have to trust her. Left it alone for three days while she stayed in hotels, didn't follow her or question her, didn't want to put pressure on her. Finally on D-day she told me she needed to travel back tot eh town we previously stayed in to stay with a female friend, and think some more. That night she phoned me said she had left our van at the hotel, and was taking the bus the other town. Over the day everything she said and did, made no sense. This was not the woman I had married, I was online looking at our bank account, the money that had recently come out was unreal. Finally I phoned her on our cell phone around 10:00 PM and started to question what was going on. She told me we could not afford to stay in a hotel so she was staying with a female friend. She only had two female friends she would stay with, one was around 700 miles away, while the other was at the end of our street. I called her bluff and she admitted to it, and said she was going to live with him. That was 2 1/2 months ago, she is still with him, and I have the kids. She knew the guy for three weeks before she chose to do what she did, now you tell me she isn't a little messed up. Life's like that sonetimes.

Review of D/Day:<p>No matter about the trigger – I had one going anyway! My DW’s friends were two friends that worked together, a tree trimmer & escalating, tree trunk removal guy. They won the bid so to speak from my DW to do work for us. We have since moved, but had a big wind storm blow down a tree and several in neighborhood. Tree guys all around today – she is out of town, otherwise she might have found it entertaining as she seems to really like the young, rugged, out-doorsy type! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But, yeah, memories are quit vivid. I had been suspicious almost from within the first month and things just kept building or little things that made me wonder. Like her comments about wanting include another guy in our lovemaking, for example. HMMM<p>She was dressing in a more provocative way. Soon all of her undies were the thong type & the miracle bras from Victory Secret. And then there was the time where she commented about the size of my organ, “I always knew you had a big CoXX!” Now she said this in a very complimentary way, but I said in the form of a question,
“It seems you are comparing me to someone?!” She said, Oh, no, I have never seen another, just yours!” Well, I knew that was a lie. She had talked of sexual activity before we married and I caught her & she confessed to a PA 20 years earlier!<p>The evidence became clearer when I found her cell phone bill, “hidden.” She usually paid the bills, but she was complaining about the bill being high (like it was me!) and had said she does not go over the limit. I reviewed September’s bill & made a note to her that she was over her limit. So that was why she hid the current bill (November’s). Even after I found this & studied it and made lots of calls to information and the like, I had a hard time finding to whom, many of the calls where made. I identified numbers to these tree guys, a roofing guy & the like. She was organizing & coordinating work for the house I rationalized. But I knew there was something funny, otherwise why hide this under a jewelry box in her dresser!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I just knew the activity was intense and there were lots of calls to different people & it was not me! Then on Wednesday (01-17-01), a series of weird things happened. For years she was typically more times than not annoyed if I called her during the day & she seldom called me, (that is, until I later pieced together a pattern, where she called me more to see what I was up to, so that she could make or follow through with her plans.) As I think about it, it actually started the day before. She was to take some cloths to be altered to this seamstress & seamstress had to cancel & left message on machine & she was asking my DW if she could stop by that next day – because I retrieved the message, that gave me an opportunity to discuss this with my DW. Wednesday afternoon, my DW’s typical day off. Well, my DW avoided making commitment to seamstress – said she would call another day, that tomorrow was too busy. I knew this was important & DW was specific about being busy, but was not volunteering anymore information, I did not have a warm, fuzzy feeling that she was being open & honest, (that there was some hidden agenda!) so I asked a few questions – my DW said there was a special project at work & that after she was doing her hair at noon she was probably going into work. I just sensed this was true
Then around noon on Wednesday, I get a call from my DW – she asked if I had called – I said no. She said probably gal at work. Now my DW reminded me that she was getting her hair done & would not be available to talk (like don’t call her). But I felt with the gal from her work potentially calling her, this gave me a reason to get involved so to speak, to help coordinate - as the day moved on I called her work around 4 or so & they told me that she had not been in. She called me from her cell phone around 5:00 PM -- there was no background sound and I asked her where she was – somewhat fag answer with “Hootersville -name of town” I said well I figured that, more specifically, are you at work? She said, “No I’m in my car.” Boom! My stomach got tied up in a note & my pulse increased a bit and some sweat started coming out. I causally asked her what she had been doing. She said she had gone into work. I believe I told her that I talked with gal & she said “you were not there” I believe my DW proposed that she just stopped in to say hi & went on to “shopping” - some of this I am fussy on now --- but She said she was going to stop and get a few things and would be home. Her work is 15 minutes from home.<p>It was about an hour & I was already home. I helped her carry some groceries in. Her car is in the garage & I don’t know what I was looking for, but in the back seat, under a sweater I find a big tote bag. I find all kinds of sex things – ointments and spays I had just gotten her for her birthday on December 3. And our sex toys! The one thing that placed some urgency was a scented candle I got her – “serenity” and it was still warm! BUSTED!! <p>Peace,
HH

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lost in space:
<strong>.... I called her bluff and she admitted to it, and said she was going to live with him. That was 2 1/2 months ago, she is still with him, and I have the kids. She knew the guy for three weeks before she chose to do what she did, now you tell me she isn't a little messed up. Life's like that sonetimes.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Lost in Space -- know that you are not alone -- These things could be hormonal -- chemical changes -- series of emotional events -- life phases -- whatever, it is a lot more about them & their issues, as compared to something we did or did not do!
Hang in there!
Peace,
HH

H was out of town on a planned trip to visit his father. We were fighting when he left and over the entire weekend by phone. I just kept saying, "what is bothering you, I feel like something is the matter." <p>I asked for a separation and while being upset all weekend, I was on the computer. I just started casually snooping and then I found a weird email. I was like who is this? Then I found a saved chat that he saved from the two of them just weeks before in a word document. BUSTED!!!!<p>Triggers for me are the computer in general. Anything that has to do with traveling (he's been there to visit her and she's been here). It sucks. Also little triggers like songs, etc.<p>I will survive!<p>Llama

We were laying in bed on Christmas night. The whole weekend had been weird, he'd been too attentive. He'd been acting apologetic without having done anything wrong (that I knew of). Finally I started asking questions, and he answered them honestly. MAN what a trigger!!

Well... d-day #1 I was chatting with him on the computer, he sounded distant, he kept saying he was just busy with work. I kept asking, and finally after a long while he broke down and cuasi told me the 1/6th of a half baked truth.<p>d-day #2 was while we were laying in bed a sleepless night and he admited another bit of info.<p>d-day #3 was another sleepless night, and he revealed more awfull terrible sick stuff while driving me to class. <p>Talking in bed and driving to class became triggers and would make me terribly angry all the time. Sometimes they still do...

How I learned was the hardest part, knowing that she never wanted to tell me even though she says it was over for two months. I was using herPC and noticed some weird stuff in emails that turned out to be a virus from a cyber lover. I worked to remove and only found more evidence of the cyber guy. Then found saved Instant message chats with that guy and her girlfriend that is also having an affair. I confronted her two days before she was to meet him for the first time. <p>She was upset, angry and tells him not to meet her - but I'm hurt and go snooping more. I find his home phone number and learn that he was actually at the place they were to meet and call her on it... Again she gets upset and comes home crying that I dont trust her and it was only harmless cyber fantasy... yeah right - he asked if they would be noticed in our minivan...<p>So to get over this she needs to go talk to her closest friend who used was her ex before we got to gether and I know the 1st time she cheated on me was our engagement night! She goes and talks saying that he calms her down so she can stay with me... We she says she fell asleep there (never told me on his bed.)<p>So I go looking more and finally get the guts to put on a poker face and confront her... and she tells me its been over a year.<p>I dont think she has ever come clean with a single detail even thought I have not left, and let her know I need to hear everything to start feeling better to help my grieving for the loss of the trust I had in her. <p>I later learned by snooping and stuff that they never used condoms even though she said they used double latex and animal skin, then that they did it in my home. <p>I wish at least I were able to make her feel comfortable enough to come clean... <p>Sorry for the long message [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Trigger?!?!? <p>Hm.... coming back from the MC. Everyone asleep and I am roaming around the house locking everything up. It is towards the end of November so it is a bit chilly. I notice H's cell phone with a voicemail message, I listen and hear 3 messages. <p>1. A man responding to H's request to rent a room. Did I hear that correctly? The man said that H also did some tree work for him. hm.... go to message 2. <p>2. A woman asking if H is still available on Sunday (H did side job tree work so that did not sound out of line). Except for the ending comment: 'I love U!' My ears perked up and I turned on the dining room light. Everyone was sound asleep. On to message 3. <p>3. Same voice as in message 1 asking the question: Why did you hang up on me?!???!<p>Well I was wide awake and awoke the 'sleeping prince'. The now dubbed WS tried to explain that
1. was a wrong #.
2. was a friend. I responded what friend of ours says 'I love U' to my H? He responded: Good friend.
hm..... I said I needed to speak and meet this
'good friend'. 1st fog comment!<p>3. said it was the wrong #. right, with the same voice?<p>Then it all spilled out. Admitted EA but not PA. A few days later, he was shivering because the PBR claimed she was prego (but not sure). <p>The beginning of the end. Arrrgh [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Still riles me up. Also made it hard to see the MC again.

I heard a voice mail on his cell phone. OW was talking about dinner plans, and "i love you". I convinced myself it was the wrong number. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Then, snooping through his car after I found his wedding ring in the cup-holder, then I found a love note. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> He was out of town. I called him - he denied it. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>He came home and confessed 3 days later. But I was expecting it.

I had just gotten back from dropping D off at girl scouts when OMW walked down the street and confirmed (OM confessed everything to her on the phone earlier) with me, in front of our neighbors house. I will never forget that day as long as I live.<p>To make it worse, I had to go back, pick up D and act like everything was ok. A few months later, I was talking to one of the moms that was there and she said she had never seen anyone as pale as I was that afternoon.