I am a stay at home mom of 2 babies.... My babies are my best friends... my only friends.
In all honestly I have not left the house since may 24th as we only have 1 vehicle and h takes it to work.
I have tried online chatting and found a few friends that i could talk to on a regular basis.....(these are female) yet everytime I make friends online H doesnt like it. These female friends he presumes I am going to turn into a lesbian. and any male friends I make online H says I want to screw them.
I have NEVER cheated on or off line on my H nor have I ever given him reason to expect I would.
So I avoid talking to these friends I make online to save me from H's accusations. <p>Last night I told H that I was lonely and It was not fair to me that my only friends are 2 years old and 8 months old.
H lookes at me kinda funny and says ,"You're LONELY??!! Like it was a crime.
His friend.(see my bridge for sale post) told my that H asked him the other day if we had ever slept together..I knew friend before I met H.
What is going on with him?....I do not understand why I am being Cloistered like this.. I have done nothing to make him not trust me.
His X wife had cheated on him and he had told me before that he will never trust any woman........ok I dealt with this but I am feeling so trapped. H will not allow me to work because my profession would take me from home until midnight and when i was working H called me 4 times a day to check up on me....I suppose i should Explain that I do not drive... I have never had my license and besides why should I endanger any innocent pedestrians?
I know i should get my license but i cannot right now even if I wantedto. but that is a whole nother story not concerning H.
I cannot handle this much longer I am being driven insane by my own prison of seclusion.
maybe I will change my name to solitary confinement....<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: AllTheGoodNamesRTakn ]</p>

allthe goodnames-<p>sorry to hear of your situation. my wh did kinda the same thing. he was extremely afraid i was gonna have a revenge affair. called me all the time, checked on me, checked caller id etc...it made me uncomfortable at first-i now laugh. we have discussed this and he told me he was afraid i was gonna now cheat on him. i do however have my own freedom-well if you can call it that-i have two boys. my whole free time is spent jockeying them. you should talk to husband calmly about this-it is a common feeling amongst ws.

thanks Nikko
I suppose i should add that H was like this LONG before his A.... I am just feeling so..so....confined. I cannot stand it it is driving me insane.
I just need some friends.,
and while i post here quite frequently It is not that as actually chatting.<p>thnaks for listening to me bi@#h and moan

ATGNRT - <p>My WH told me if I would have done what he is doing/has done, he would divorce me. Is there a girlfriend or fellow mom out there you can visit with? What about siblings? It's so important that you build a good support system for you. And, we are always here for you at MB. Hang in there and I'll hang right along with ya!<p>Llama hugs!

Hm..... I would give him the illustration about when pointing the blame finger at you what he is really doing is pointing 3 fingers of blame back at him. U may see him trying to point at you with no fingers pointing back at him but at that point it is an open hand. But hey, let him try. It'll look funny but you gotta let them try!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Now as for your prison sentence. Howz about getting with other moms? At playgrounds, day care, etc.? Some suburbs have parent controlled day care centers where parents work at it part time. Would be good to get your older one interacting with other children and you around some adults. <p>JMHO,

I am so sorry. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>IMHO: It is not healthy for someone to be alone, and what I mean by alone is no adult interaction. Since this is unhealthy, your H's request is somewhat emotionally abusive and should not be tolerated. You should be able to have a life. You need to take care of yourself and find and retain friendships regardless of what your husband says. He should be supportive of this, and I am sorry he is not. It is a shame he has such a low self esteem and is not able to deal with this and feels threatened by you and your relationships with other women. <p>Their are many avenues that can be explored for building relationships, and I am sure some other stay at home moms can help. Maybe you can get another means of transportation? Their is also many jobs that can be done at home, Mary Kay etc.<p>My WW is a stay at home mom. I know that myself and my two boys are not enough companionship so I encourage my WW to be active in other things. She goes to play groups with other women and kids, she spends time with my mother, etc.<p>Good luck, and take care of yourself. Plan A does not mean that you sacrifice your identity and allow your H to be abusive.

AllTheGoodNamesRTakn ,<p>I know how you feel. I was once on my own prison for more than 2 years. My H also had the only vehicle. I was new to the town, even the country. Didn't know anybody, and felt bad about myself. My H was very abusive and would make me feel terrible about the way I looked and the way I was.<p>I spent 2 years pacing over the same flat him and the OW had lived in before he met me, an apartment she had picked. Were the whole A took place.<p>The trigger was monumental. I was so depressed sometimes I'd just curl into a ball and cry for hours. I had nobody to talk to, all my friends and family were thousands of miles away. <p>He kept insisting that I made friends, but how do you make friends when you don't have an occupation, and your H cannot help you go anywhere? I mean, he wasn't capable of giving me the time of the day to have lunch with me, and I didn't have any money, consecuently I'd starve while he ate a nice lunch and wouldn't be allowed a bite until dinner.<p>It was torture, but I managed to survive through reading, music, and art. I am an artist so I only had to get some paper and pencil to have some fun.
Maybe you can try crafts!<p>But you should definetly address this issue head on with your husband. A marriage is a team effort, in which both parts are equal.
Have you though homeschooling yourself? Getting a new skill? Maybe redirecting your career would help you somewhat.<p>I don't know, but I know how you are feeling, because, babies aside, I have been there, and I can truly understand.<p>
((((((((((((((((((((hugglez)))))))))))))))))

Dear AllTheGoodNamesRTakn,<p>Here is a link to a web site that specializes in enabling stay-at-home-moms. If you go there, click on the Stay at Home link then select the topic you want. There is a section on making money at home, plus lots of support for SAHMs. Maybe this site will help you.<p>Dr. Laura<p>Is your H controlling your access to money as well as your social access? The behavior you describe is very disturbing, ATGNRT. Isolating the spouse is one of the classic red flags of spousal abuse. I am concerned for you.<p>Do you live where you can walk to town? What about church? I'll bet that some of the ladies would be happy to pick you up for events during the week. Can you call a taxi or take public transportation? I am almost afraid to ask if you are physically isolated from other people as well as being emotionally isolated.<p>Please do not tolerate being in a prison of any sort! Your choices are affecting your precious babies and well as yourelf.<p>Take care of yourself,
Estes

Hello, I have been there before.. and I know how bad it feels... I just got through with a big crying spell myself. My H and I are seperated, and I am here taking care of a 3 yr old and 9 yr old, working full time, etc.... and (at least I do get out of house)- my h depresses me he is so mean... I will be back soon... take caer, and hug yourself for me! I will gladly be one of your new freinds.. email me at lbarfield@Houston.rr.com<p>thanks, honey

Hi there ATGNRT<p>Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today. I'm sepatated and at home with my little 9mth old each day, but 2 kids would b more challenging. Definately check out Dr Laura - I'm going to now. You could even get into a craft activity where you could host get-togethers/workshops at your house, like scrapbooking. You could let a nearby playgroup know you have no transport and they should be able to get another Mum to pick you all up - I know, what an effort with child car seats, still, check it out. I would hope that a christian playgoup would go out of their way to help you, I would! Just make sure you communicate how youre feeling to them, they dont know how bad it is for you unless you tell them. <p>Once you get into a group (and this can take time, so persevere) you'll have a whole new window of opportunities, interests and friends in your life!!! <p>Dancer

Ladies,<p>FYI, I am listening to Dr. Laura right now. She she is promoting a new book (not hers)entitled The Entrepreneurial Parent. It is about how to have a successful business and be home with the kids at the same time. Here's the link. She highly recommends this book.<p>Estes<p>Recommended Book<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</p>

H is home tonight and wants the puter so i do not have time to post properly
will reply more tomarrow
thanks everyone

dear girl,
I agree with others- the irrational jealousy and keeping you isolated- watch out for spousal abuse. Please get your driver's license. You can do it. What if something happened to your husband? For your children's sake you have to be able to function in the big wide world and take care of them. Which means you need to learn to drive. <p>When they are older- with sports functions and social engagements- you will be their chaffeur. Ask most moms- it's a major part of our life. You'll breathe easier knowing it's you, not a drunken teen, driving them to the prom... <p>Call a driving school- invest in a few hundred dollars of lessons- it's enough to teach you to drive. They can pick you up at your house. But DO IT, I can't stress how important this is.

In another frutile attempt to discuss with H my loneliness I mentioned that the babies were my best friends H said ...what about me... I said to him...H I am lonely I cannot work all i do is stay at home with kids. H says you have 2 sisters call them on the phone.
he proceeds to say my XW said she was lonely too then next thing i know shes screwing everyone in town.
I said to Him... I AM NOT YOUR XW ..he says yeah but youll be saying.. i met this guy on the net.,<p>
I got so frustrated I told H to forget i said anything just drop it....
and he did<p>so here i sit alone and isolated......<p>as i mentioned before a license is not an option right now

Your H needs some SERIOUS counselling.<p>Gosh he doesn't get it! Talk about moving from a M to another without adressing issues!<p>He needs to understand that you are a PERSON, appart from his W and the mother of his babies you are an individual. Sheesh.<p>Tell you what, next time tell him: "Dear, I think I need to be more proactive, do something nice, what do you think?" then let him speak and continue "I have been a bit bored at home, maybe we could do something together, go out on time to time, meet new friends, I'd love it for you to take me out".<p>But really AllTheGoodNamesAreTkn, he needs to go to IC, and soon. He is insecure, and rubbing in your nose the A his XW had. he is really made a mess of his mind.

Hi again,<p>Does your H control your money? Do you access to the account? Do you have an alotment of money to spend as you see fit? The reason I am asking is to know if you can use your money to call a cab to take you places. Do you live near a bus stop or other public transportation? <p>Honestly, All, is your H forcing you to stay at the house?<p>Do your sisters live nearby? Do they come see you or take you places? <p>Don't give up discussing things with him. Keep trying. But if he EVER tries to confine you to the house unless he is with you, All, it's time to get out. You do not deserve this disrespect.<p>Hope you are OK. Keep us up-to-date.<p>Estes

Money is extremely tight right now but if there was extra i would in fact have access to it.
and also i live in the boon docks so public trans is out.
both of my sisters just had babies and though they live about 20 minutes away they are caught up in the throes of motherhood and have very little free time.
H says i have al lthe friends i need IE: him and the kids
I dont know what it is but H seems to think im out for revenge affair.
which i might add is not the case.

AllTheGoodNamesRTakn,<p>Stick to your guns. Do what is healthy for you. Make some friends anyway you know how and keep them. Let your WH deal with whatever issues he has. He will have to live with it.

ATGNRT,<p>It seems to me you are happy with sacrificing your ENs to meet his. Are you?<p>It also seems to me that you are making excuses not to get out of the house. Are you? Why?<p>I know how it is when money is tight, but how does H feel about that? Is he out spending money?<p>Why are you waiting for him to change things for you? I'm afraid until you do something about your situation, it will never change and you will never get your ENs met. <p>What's the payoff?<p>M'd or not, you are a seperate being from your H and your babies. It is your life. Live it, Sweetie. As long as you feel you don't have a life outside your H's, it will remain that way. You know you aren't gonna have an A. So, why are you walking on egg shells regarding his insecurities. What are you willing to do about it? You want things changed, then stop being afraid to change them. <p>You've trained him in his way of thinking about you and what to expect from you. Why would he want to change that? It benefits him. What about you? How does it benefit you? Train him to think of you in another way, I say [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>TAKE CARE OF YOU, for a change. That isn't a LB to him, is it?<p>Just my thoughts.
InTheClouds (this thunderstorm is gonna be the end of my computer [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] . Just a few more... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )

Hi,it sounds like it really is hard for you to get into town.<p>Tell us, IF you had a car and IF you had a little spending money, what would you and the kids be doing? What do you like to do? Go to parks, take the lttle ones to museums, take craft classes, participate in Bible study, take continuing education classes, learn sew, join an exercise group?<p>Have you checked the Dr. Laura web site for stay-at-home-moms?<p>Take care,Estes