OK, I'm sure I'm going to hear from both sides of the coin here, so lay it on me.<p>When I ask my WH if he's ever going to cheat on me again, his answer is, "I don't want to, and by the grace of God, I never will again. Through His strength I never will again."<p>So, is this reply good or bad? I say it's good that he recognizes his weakness and realizes that when he tried to handle it on his own, he failed - and he realizes that he needs God in control of his life.<p>But sometimes when he says this I think he's leaving the door open (so to speak) to do it again down the line.<p>Has anyone dealt with this? Which is better, to promise you they won't, or to reply as my WH has?

Why do you think he is trying to leave the door open?

Orchid, I'm scared to trust again, I guess. If he did it to me once, why not again? Sometimes I think that if he has no intention of doing it again, no desire to do it again, then he should be able to say "I'll never ever do it again." Not, "I'll never ever do it again, by the Grace of God." <p>That's why I want feedback - because I know he has a weakness, and he knows it too, and only by addressing it can he avoid it.<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: jamup ]</p>

I see both sides of his answer. I think he is afraid to say he'll never do it again because he thought he would never do it in the first place...just like we all thought, and he failed (without the Grace of God). So in a sense, he's trying to let you know that as long as he is dependent upon God, he will never commit another A. The trick??? Helping him stay committed to God!!<p>The other side...well, I think I would want a promise!!! I know this probably didn't help, but I thought I'd add my little bit.<p>LOVE YOU!!

I guess I must accept his weaknesses. They are not my weaknesses, and I can't do anymore than he'll allow me toward helping him improve upon himself. I think he desires to mature, but maturity doesn't come over night.

All of us have our weakness...some more than others. I think you are doing a wonderful job trying to help him become stronger. Good luck!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

What’s that scripture? “Beware the one that says he isn’t sinning for he himself will surely fall.” Probably misquoted but you get the picture. Nobody can say that they will NEVER have an affair; EVERYONE at some point or another is susceptible to it. Even Steve Harley points that out. The only thing you can do is keep your marriage as strong as possible and be on guard. Sounds like maybe that’s what your husband is trying to say to you. Maybe he’s not going about it the right way but I for one would personally rather have a strong course of action rather that an empty blanket promise to never do it again.

Endevor,<p>Thank you so much for saying that. I'm a FWS and I needed to hear that today. Thanks again.<p>RW

Endeavor is totally on cue here.<p>Plus, it could be possible that he feels you just aren't ready to hear the "I Promise". Maybe he feels that will bring you down, cause a trigger, etc. If he promises to continue to acknowledge it, work on it, to rely on God to keep your marriage strong, and points out that he has no desire to, then he is sort of saying something like he is aware and as long as he's aware he can safe guard against it. We can never lose site of how it happened (that we were weak/vulnerable, etc.), for we will be more subject to fall again.<p>He may feel that hearing "I Promise" will only mean nothing to you because the day he married you he promised he wouldn't. <p>Look at the blessing in the words he offers. Look at the effort he is making to be strong, and the fact that he is paying attention to your feelings as well. The day will come when he is ready to say it and you are ready to hear it. See the good in what he says.<p>Hope this helps. Take care.

My personal feeling is that an answer that acknowledges an already proven weakness is a more reliable answer than the bravado (or arrogance?) of "I'll never do it again."<p>But what would be the absolute best would be a WS articulating his PLAN for protecting the BS against infidelity in the future. I think ANY spouse who cannot articulate a rational plan for that is vulnerable to an affair.<p>[ June 08, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>