Today is the day that my W and I have been married for 25yrs! I'm not sure that either of us felt that we would make it to this day even as close as a couple days ago but we did. It can sometimes be a day to day thing. That's the celebration.<p>The question is.....Do we expect too much from marriage? I ask this in relation to an article in our local paper today concerning the idea of "arranged" marriages verses "our" idea of romantic love and "happily ever after". The premise was that surprisingly arranged M's survive at a much higher rate than the other. People are put together from similar backrounds and with family ties between them. The "love" then grows from there. Does that sound more plausible than "falling" in love then comes M? Are our "ideals" and expectations sabatoging our futures?
Thoughts?<p>Brw
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YES YES YES YES YES YES YES<p>We have all been "DUPED BY DISNEY". We don't all magically live happily ever after...nobody mentioned that Prince Charming goes bald, farts on the couch and his feet smell! Or that Cinderella get stretch marks, pms, and her boobs sag to her belt by 40! We usually get married for the wrong reasons to the wrong people.<p>I honestly think that 'being in love' is the wrong place to be when making a life decision like this. I really think marriages 'arranged'--not really but at least advised upon-by parents and more experienced people have the potentional to be much more successful. <p>Take my son. He has this fixation with meeting some trashy little girl who needs to be 'rescued.' The last one got herself knocked up and he did the right thing but is now stuck in an unhappy marriage to a low-class, trailer park trash nut! (and don't get me wrong--I live in a trailer park but she really comes from a low class family---stepmother works in strip club, dad is crack head, mother abandoned her). This all comes into play in her relationship with my son. Her father abused her stepmom and now dil thinks it's okay to be physically violent with my son because she was raised that way and she knows he will not hit her back. She calls him every name in the book, talks like a sailor on shore leave and has no concept of what a functional marriage is. Her grandmother has been single for many years and is the role model for dil wanting to be the 'boss' and run things-which you can't do if you want to be married.<p>I would never have chosen her for him----I knew what this would end up like. I think I would have encouraged him to get to know her for a long, long time and if she had dated him for very long, I would have strongly advised him to see someone else. But they never listen.<p>Remember--THE ACORN NEVER FALLS FAR FROM THE TREE.

Frankly...............My W and I had to both laugh at the first part of your response! We all do change over time! Most things do. It just struck interesting to me when I read the article.<p>As for your son........I can only say that I hope he can either salvage his present M or go on to another that can be what he needs. There are so, so many things to consider when we commit to a M or to any long term and meaningful relationship. The love that hopefully comes from this can be the "glue" that holds things together thru the tough times.
Brw
I hope that more read this thread. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

There is a lot to be said about this, but beware of a critical difference; most societies that practice arranged marriages raise their children with those beliefs and expectations; making it less "traumatic" and "weird" than it sounds to us in America.<p>Think back to your parents or grandparents, and you will see that many of them were also raised with different expectations of marriage, and most of them seemed to make it better than we seem to today.<p>In this age of the "me generation", and "instant gratification", and "avoiding responsibility", and "me, me, me", it is much harder to find the right combination of willingness to give and take that M requires.<p>Marriage requires sacrifice, compromise, care for others, and many other things that are anathema to many of these "modern thinking" ideas so many of us hold so dear.