I just read on another post something about a 180's list. What is it? Link please?<p>Thanks,
Llama

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Here is more on 180: I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com
I hopethis helps. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse hiswhereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.
<hr></blockquote><p>***sorry didn't cite my source [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] 1LuvNProtectMe wrote this in an MB post--she got info off of a post at DB***<p>[ June 04, 2002: Message edited by: Cali ]</p>

Cali;
I don't see that at divorcebusting.com, perhaps you have another link? Thanks!

Here are some more from DivorceBusting that could be helpful:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> MANDATORY DO'S WHEN DIVORCE BUSTING
1. Be patient. Time is an asset even when it seems to be killing you.
2. Listen carefully to what your spouse is REALLY saying to you.
3. Learn quickly that anger is your enemy
4. Learn quickly to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out.
5. Take care of yourself. Exercise, sleep, laugh, and focus on all the other chances in your life that are not in turmoil.
6. Be cool, strong, confident and speak softly.
7. Know that if you can do a 180, your smallest consistent actions will be noticed much more than ANY words you can say or write.
8. Read as much as you can on this subject <p>MANDATORY DON'T's WHEN DIVORCE BUSTING
1. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more then ever in your whole life and are desperate and needy.
2. Do not focus on your self when communicating with your spouse.
3. Do not believe any of what you hear and less then 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and they are scared.
4. Do not fall into the "green eggs and ham" trap. (See Dr. Seuss for clarity)
5. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
6. Do not backslide from your hard earned changes. <p>MANDATORY DONT'S
-Don’t initiate any relationship (R) talk, stop being so available, give them lots of time and space, stop expressing your interest so dramatically, establish independence again with style not in an angry or dramatic way, don’t try to get in their head, if confronted with rejection don’t take it personally, take the body blows smiling, Workout, diet, get new clothes, haircut, and be happy when they see you...<p>“I have reflected on some of the things that got results from my H in this situation and here they are:
1. When he called me, I ended the conversation first.
2. When he came around I would ensure that the house smelled really good and I looked casual but well groomed. Spoke much softer than normal.
3. I definitely 'acted as if' my life was full and moving forward without him.
4. Did not give him as much eye contact as he likes. But when I did look in his eyes I did it flirtatiously.
5. Slowed my body language down - more controlled and no touchy, feely. Kept out of his space. Definitely no emotional outburst or tears. “Oh no, not the tears again, I am out of here”.
6. Never requested any assistance from him in anything. Caused him to offer.
7. When he expected me to do something, I would do the opposite. That got his attention.
8. Held back when he wanted a cuddle or any form of affection. Let him kiss my cheek instead of my lips.
9. Refused to see him when requested, let him pursue before I gave in, maybe three requests for one sighting of me.
10. Posted his mail instead of handing it to him or calling him. He always asks why not call and I will pick it up. <p>1. For walk-aways you must understand the actions and behaviors that created the climate for the flight.
2. You have not only to change those behaviors but actually live them.
3. You can only control your actions
4. You cannot control the situation you are in but you can control how you react in it.
5 Anything you do or say through the process is remembered. NEVER SPEAK IN ANGER!!!
6. Become the man or woman your spouse would never think of leaving. The man or woman that all their friends and support group would in times of crisis drive him/her back to you.
7. Listen and observe to every last detail from your H or W.
8. IF you are ever unsure how to act DONT.
9. When things don’t seem to be going well redefine your short term goals.
10. Live in positive times, keep positive filters on.
11. Accept that it takes time.
12. Accept that no matter what the outcome YOU are a good person and you have done your best. At the end of the day we must live with ourselves. <p>MY suggestions:
Don't PUSH your Hs into therapy w you!
DON"T insist on talks about your relationship.
Don't pry and become obsessed with EAs or OW.
WORK ON YOURSELF!
Actions speak louder than words. Change YOUR behavior and attitudes NOW! The only person you have ANY control over in this world is YOU!!!!
Men HATE relationships talks and if they resist therapy, go by yourself!
DON"T PURSUE YOUR H...lovingly DISTANCE!
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The list of 180 came from a post on their Forum Board a LONG time ago that I kept and resurrect here from time to time.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!<p>Cali and Spacecase - thanks for the great info!!!<p>Llama