Many times there has been discussions about how much we know our spouse. Sad to say, there is a lot about my spouses likes, dislikes, desires, etc. that I do not know, and have not for some time now. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] It's shameful to admit it. I've always felt I should know these things. Or, if I didn't that all I had to do is pay a little closer attention to him and I would. <p>Well, he was so into meeting the things I wanted, desired, etc. that he never let on to what he wanted and wasn't being met. I was lost, and ashamed to admit that I didn't really know these things. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] What would he think of me? Would he think I never cared to know? It wasn't like that at all. I cared, I cared so desparately to know. I tried so hard to figure it out by myself, and was so scared to ask for help. <p>Well, I did it! I finally asked for help. This weekend we were talking about things and how he is feeling and where we are at. Things are going great. He still has little things on his mind, but that's to be expected. I don't really know what made me do it, but I did. I looked at him in tears and said "you know what? It's really sad but I don't really know a lot about you. I don't know what you like, what you want to do, places you want to go, ect. It's not that I never cared to know, I was embaressed to ask. I felt I should know, and that if I looked harder I would see it. Truth is, I don't, and I need you to tell me. I need your help. I've been so ashamed to admit this, but I want to know these things, and I can't know them without your help." He hugged me empathically. I was so relieved that he didn't think negative of this. I was also proud of myself that I finally opened up to him this way.<p>Anyhow, I just wanted to share that with all of you. Some more of my progress in the making.

yay! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Great post... thanks t!

Good for you Tutter!<p>I'm sure your H must be really happy that you asked. I think that it's a big step forward in your recovery. After all how can you meet EN's you don't know about?<p>Keep it up tutter. I hope to be in recovery one day. I'd be pretty happy to hear my WW ask me what my needs are.<p>FL

This authentic intimacy and allowing our spouses to see us emotionally naked ....takes courage!!!!!!!<p>You've got what it takes to be called .... QUEEN TUT!<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

So, I've been promoted?!? From Tutter-bug to Queen Tut. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks for the encouragement everyone. It really took a lot for me to do that. I felt so ashamed and scared. Thank you all, you all have been so good to me.

Queen Tut,<p>Inquiring minds needs to know; Did he tell you?? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If not, then start bugging him [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] use those femine wiles to extract this information from him. <p>Congratulations Tutter, that was a very good move and I will bet it made him feel much better. Now go get that information (be relentless in your pursuit [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) and have fun doing it.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

You know what?! He didn't really answer that. He mentioned something about watching our finances, but that was about it.<p>I figured I'd let it settle a little and bring it up. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted. He's a wonderful man. He wants to make me happy and fullfill me. Me? I want to make him happy and fullfill him. <p>I do know that he likes to feel appreciated - thanks for doing things, thanks for doing that. I've been working on that for awhile, and it seems to come natural nowadays.<p>Anyhow, thanks for asking. Also, thanks for the vote of confidence. Funny how smoothly things can go when you apply yourself. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I love my husband. I love my marriage.

Hey, you just made me think of something. If he has a hard time telling you what he needs (like I do), ask him for little things... any little teeny thing that he likes or dislikes. I'm more comfortable when I realize I don't have to elaborate or anything... I can just list something simple, like "I love it when you call me at work just to say hello." <p>hehe... just thinkin out loud. <p>I hope you'll keep us posted!

you go! Queen Tut! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

He's pretty good at letting me know the little things. Eg. "it feels good when you let me know I'm appreciated (thank you for taking the trash out)." I want to know more like what he likes to do. Eg. go out to bars, movies, travel, etc. I have an idea of some things I think he might be interested in, but don't know for sure and we haven't really talked about it. <p>However, it's a step forward, and he knows I care and desire to really know him and us. The most fulfilling part of it was when he compasionately held me while I told him this. It was a huge moment for us.<p>Thank you all, again. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

That was a courageous and very loving thing to do. Thanks for letting us in on it.

Thank you. I appreciate your thoughts. It was hard, and boy was I scared, but his hug and the tears showing in his eyes told me it was right and good. Thanks again.