Okay, I'm officially in true, full Plan B now... last night, I decided we'd been transitioning long enough... maybe I'd hoped she'd magically pull her head out of her butt with the moment drawing near. I think she's been getting considerably closer... more than in months... but still not what I need.<p>So since my place has been cleaned and is ready to go, I made the move last night... took her by surprise a bit... but that's not necessarily bad, I think. It was a gut wrenching moment for both of us... lots of tears. I gave her one last note - reiterated a lot of my Plan B letter given last week.<p>Now this morning, I got the following e-mail from her:<p>At this point, I cannot cope with the extreme amount of stress in my life. I am completely over-whelmed to the point where I can no
longer function. .... I cannot deal with
everything. The only way that I can continue is to pretend that you have not left me. In my mind, you are on a business trip. I cannot
deal with my personal life for the next week for fear of completely breaking down. It is more than any one person can handle. I have to
stick my head in the sand. <p>.....<p>After I am done [with a work project], I need to deal with personal life. I have to. I'm terribly unhappy. I don't like my life right now. I'm not doing well at my job. I have no faith in my work. I have no faith in myself. I don't know what I want to do with my career.
Every direction I turn is filled with disappointment. <p>I hope you are well. I have this urge to insist that you e-mail me back. I'm worried about you. This morning I saw that the ramp to
I-4 was closed, going in the direction to your house. I couldn't help but worry that you were in an accident there. I know that I am
being irrational. I also know that I have exhausted you. Much like GF exhausts people. Like you said in your letter - that you didn't
have the energy to call me back when you were in Texas. So I don't expect to hear from you. And I won't contact you again, unless absolutely necessary. <p>Love,
WW<p>
Thoughts?? Every time I've thought she's gotten as low as she can get, she proves to me she can get lower.<p>Anyhow, I do want to ask her about our cats... I thought the plan would be for me to pick them up maybe Thursday evening... I'm now thinking they should maybe stay with her for a while - some comfort, but also a reminder, maybe.<p>Given that I need to contact her about that, any suggestions?

I have not posted for a while but I really wanted to respond to this post. I have been reading here off and on since I went to Plan B myself almost 11 weeks ago, but for the most part it has been too hard for me to actually sit down and post. <p>Please do not communicate with her. Any form of communication will lead her to think that you are not serious about what you are doing. I made that mistake the first time I tried Plan B last spring and one communication lead to another and pretty soon I was a total mess and not in any plan. <p>If you need to get a message to her, do it through a third party. Any communication I had with my WH gave him just enough strenght to continue doing what he was doing instead of facing what he did. And it was not good for me either. <p>Use this time to take care of you and let her worry about taking care of her. I know that it is hard to walk away and not contact them, but remember you are doing this for a reason. I had lost sight of that over the past few weeks. I actually even started filling out my divorce papers this week and was going to make an appointment with my lawyer. Last night I had a very vivid dream of a woman I did not even know begging me not to end my marriage. I woke up and realized that I was making this decision because I felt like I had to do something be in control of my life again. I was not doing this becuase I was ready to move on but because I was uncomfortable with where I am right now. <p>Sorry for the long-winded, somewhat off the subject answer. It just all came out as I was typing, but it might be of some use to you down the Plan B road.<p>Anyway, hang in there.
Sinking

Hi JR,<p>I've been following your story closely, and I only have a minute to respond.<p>Let her have the kitties, and DO NOT contact her. Okay?<p>I feel you may be thinking of reasons to make sure she's okay ... she will be fine. She absolutely needs to do this on her own. You only get one REALLY good chance at Plan B. Make it all it can and NEEDS to be. <p>There are so many reasons you need to stay in a pristene Plan B, but one of them is you'll confuse her. And because I know how much you care for her, you won't want to do that. <p>Keep posting whenever you find yourself thinking of a reason to contact her and we'll help you thru it.<p>Jo

I'm a wimp. I have another suggestion... I could be wrong. I didn't have this problem when I went to Plan B. <p>Tell her you're ok, but you cannot contact her anymore. Basically reminding her of the letter.<p>"W, I'm ok. This is the last contact we will have other than extreme emergencies or urgent business matters. Please remember the letter I gave you last week. Take care, JR."<p>Just my 2 cents... probably the unpopular suggestion... and maybe the wrong one. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

JR,<p>Don't contact her. I don't think you fully appreciate what Plan B is about. It is about restoring you, it is about you healing and being able to look at things more objectively. It is about you becoming more confident of yourself and your future.<p>If you are lucky you will learn many things about yourself that will make your future better. IF you are really really lucky your W will learn many things as well.<p>IF OM is eventually out of the picture, and you can end your plan B you will be stronger, better grounded and much more able to rebuild the marriage if that is the choice YOU and YOUR W make. <p>Until then go through withdrawal, yup! You are going to go through withdrawal and you will see a bit of what your W will go through if she gets OM out of the picture. <p>The email is a very manipulative one and a "woe is me" type of email. No where did she really worry about your feelings or the state of YOUR life. It is still all about her and it will be for a while longer, then things will change.<p>Hang in there and ENJOY the relief from the stress.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

I agree with not contacting your WW.<p>I think it is time for her to come to see that you MEAN it.
You can let her know you are ok through a third part, like someone already said. Ask a friend or relative to give her a call and just say "I hear your H is doing good". That's it. If she asks them if she should contact you tell them to tell her "No, he is just fine".<p>Withdrawal hurts, but if plan B works, it is worth it.

Very Good reinforcement reminder for JR, JL. Just excellent!<p>Jo

And ohhh, JR .....<p>One other Plan B tip, whenever questioning yourself if you should contact her or not, ask yourself this question:<p>"Am I meeting any of her needs by doing this?"<p>No "Need Meeting" when in Plan B, JR.

A man goes into a psychiatrist's office and says:<p>Doc ... you've got to help me with my brother. He's got a terrible problem!<p>Psychiatrist says, "What's wrong with your brother?"<p>My brother thinks he's a chicken. He walks around clucking and flapping his arms.<p>Psychiatrist says, "A chicken! That's not good. Bring him in and I'll put him in the hospital. Your brother is very ill."<p>I can't do that Doc! Can't you help him outside the hospital?<p>Psychiatrist says, "Why don't you want your brother to go into the hospital ?"<p>Because , I need the eggs!<p>~~~~~~~~~~~Apologies to Woody Allen [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Don't call J.R. You don't need the eggs! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

ditto the others except Faith. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>BUT!!! ditto Faith if you are forced to communicate, e.g., she comes to your new home. In other words, if some communication takes place that she initiates and you cannot avoid, do not turn and run. Instead, return to a momentary Plan A and be calm and gracious. Even tell her you miss her. BUT, finish up the contact with reiteration of your Plan B conditions similar to what Faith suggests.<p>Dave

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I knew I would draw out the really good advice with my wimpy advice. See??? I knew what I was doing.. yeah.. yeah... <p> [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you all for not hitting me with the MB 2x4. You're so good to me. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

LOL Faith! No 2x4's here...but I do disagree with contact. Every speck just keeps the cycle going. No specks...no budging. And I'd be willing to bet this letter will not be the last. Probly a phone call or two...plus a late night sob session on your front porch, JR. She has the counselor to talk to...let's hope they make some progress.

Thank you all...<p>This was a trick question by the way... I already knew the answer [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My real quandry is with the remaining logistical things. As many know, it's hard to solve every little issue that's out there as it relates to separation, beforehand. So what if I want our cats now? We'd sort-of agreed they'd go with me (nice garden to frolic in!), but with her last night saying that she needed more time with them, I agreed to that - but sadly didn't hammer out more specific details, given the trauma of the moment.<p>Petty things, I realize. I can only think that they need to be dealt with like one might deal with children in the picture: keep it business.<p>Don't get me wrong... I understand about no contact... I've seen it with my own two eyes (last week's episode) how it can have a major impact.<p>I thank everyone for the encouragement to stay the course... it's been less than 24 hours and I'm okay!

Wait a minute, J.R. Why would you want a cat? They're the epitome of a female WS: independent and fence sitters. Very conniving and manipulative. Selfish. I recommend a fish or a stuffed animal.

W A T ---> go kiss a fish! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] or... <p>--->go stuff yourself! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Kitties are good company. And very soft.<p>Pepper [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Better yet, go to your local Humane Society this weekend and get yourself your own cat. I'm sure there is one there that would really like a new home!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>A Certain Meanie wrote this about Kitty Babies:
They're the epitome of a female WS: independent and fence sitters. Very conniving and manipulative. Selfish. I recommend a fish or a stuffed animal. <hr></blockquote><p>Hmmmmph!!!!!<p>WAT???? Thems fightin words. I'm gonna request Archie hit you up-side the head with the MB Fry'n Pan ....<p>Signed,
Proud Owner of 3 Siamese
[altho a doggie lover too]

Yes!!! get yourself a kitty!!!<p>One fluffy and very cute! For me, please?
<----wants a kitty real bad but landlady won't let her have one.<p>Can't wait to move to get one though!
Yay! for kitties!!!<p>I don't think the kitties at home will be too traumatized if you get a new one on the mean time. Despite there are plenty of cats in need of a nice garden to play in.

Haven't read or posted here in many months. I remember following your posts last year and I'm glad to hear you have pursued such a good plan A (and now B). I agree with the others that communicating now with WW would only work against you. Keep sight of the big picture.<p>I didn't ever have to go through the Plan B because thankfully my WW came out of the fog and although things are far from perfect, we are committed to staying together and making things work. We continue with MC and I think this will always be part of our married life now.<p>Anyway, I'm rooting for you and hope you stay the course to a successful conclusion.

Nope.<p>Only good thing about cats is they make better pets than dogs on a boat - if ya can teach 'em how to tack.