In researching.... <p>1. ...to help myself in my awkward place right now... with XH wanting to be "friends"<p>2. ...and looking for help for those that are considering "giving up", or considering Plan B or Plan D...<p>How to know when you are "done"?? ...when you've done all you can do?? Well, only YOU know. We can't really tell you.<p>I found this ... hope it helps someone... it helps me...<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=28&t=004267<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

faith,<p>a good topic, a great post to bring up.

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Thanks Faith1! That was AWESOME!!
BH

Faith1,<p>You just know when it is time to move on or go to plan b. I was considering plan b, but found out info recently, that I just knew in my heart that it was over. I had to move on & leave WH behind. <p>There are some things that I would have done differently & will post soon in hopes that it might help someone else. <p>I am thankful for MB, it helped even though my M did not survive, I did. It's hard to let go of someone you loved, but when the pain outweighs the love, it's over. someone else posted that they couldn't let their love get in the way of the hurt WS was doing to them. ( not sure of who posted or exactly how it was said.) <p>God Bless
D.

faith-thanks i really needed this thread right now.

The thing I'm struggling with is right now in my situation is when does plan B end? The post I linked mainly addresses THAT - but also is for anyone trying to figure out where the "end" is. <p>I see many on here struggling with the end of Plan A, and the acceptance of the situation. I think NSR does a great job helping us identify why we're doing this, what the possible outcomes are, and how to come through it in one piece.<p>I believe it's a personal growth level. To know that we've done all we can do for our spouse and our marriage, and to know that we are O.K. with the outcome - with ourselves, and moving forward. <p>We all have different levels of "fight" in us... marriages are worth fighting for - worth learning and giving. <p>Any other thoughts?

Well, Faith,<p>I'm not sure I'm "up" to such a deep subject, but I'll throw my .02 in here anyway!!<p>WHEN will you know when you are DONE? For me, I think I will know I am done the same way I have known when to move to the next step all the way through this "Wilderness." When God tells me.<p>I'm sorry if that sounds simplistic to some (I know you understand, Faith), but I truly believe God is teaching me things, HAS taught me things, will continue to teach me things through all this. When He's done with that process, only one of two things will happen:<p>#1: Either He'll reconcile us.
#2: I will know I am supposed to "move on." And I will.<p>To answer the rest of your questions: "WHERE are you going?" I hope I am growing closer to my Lord every day. I know there is more order to my life (NOT my H's fault it wasn't there!). I know I am drawer closer to Jesus every day, and that's a GOOD thing!<p>Yes, we are very close to Final Div Decree day. It is soon. It is NOT my choice, it is H's. I can tell from his reaction to things I say or do that he needs this (in his mind) to really SET HIM FREE. It won't work. I know that. BUT, I cannot set his course for him, or make him see anything. He'll just have to go through this to see it, sooooo, in the meantime, I will "move on" with my growth and spiritual walk. If at some point in the future, my H realizes he is away from God, and wants to return, and join the journey with me? I will be open to it.<p>Hope this helps!