As part of my plan A, I've been going out with my H more often, which he has always asked me to do and I've always wanted to do, I just got bogged down with work/kid/house and didn't go most of the time. Here's the strange part: the past two times we've gone out, he's accused me of flirting with his friends, which I would NOT do. He has been seriously angry about it. Is he projecting some of his guilt onto me, since his A was with someone I considered a best friend?<p>BTW, I am friendly with his friends (most of them have wives or girlfriends who I'm friends with), but I always have been, and it never bothered him before.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by dani1990:
<strong> Is he projecting some of his guilt onto me, since his A was with someone I considered a best friend?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Sounds exactly like that's what he's doing, IMO. <p>I think your H's jealousy and obsessively watching your interaction with his friends (and other guys) will probably occur less frequently and less intensely eventually, but may not stop altogether. <p>Like my marriage, some of the dynamics in your relationship have changed forever. That "blind" trust most of us have when we enter marriage has been blown to bits, and it won't come back -- for either one of you. I've found that trust CAN be regained after a time, but it's a different, more cautious trust. <p>It's great that you two are going out more - without the kids! That was a big problem for us, too. It's so important to share some fun time together, and just relax and laugh, etc. FWH didn't think he was getting enough attention from me (but I guess it wasn't worth it to him to help me with the kids or housework or bills or any of the other responsibilities of this full-time working mom so I'd have more free time - and the energy to use it! But, FWH has "seen the light" on that subject! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Sounds like your FWH is feeling insecure about how you feel about him right now (and rightly so). In the interest of harmony, I'd pull back from being so friendly with his guy friends, even tho it's totally innocent. My FWH and I have both done this, and it leaves us alot more time to focus on each other. Not that we don't hang out with other people...we just focus more on "us". Des that make sense? <p>Anyway, happy reconciling! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>at peace

As a WS, I would have to say that he could be projecting or he could be taking his fears one step further. <p>I had a bad fear for awhile that my husband would see someone else that he thought was prettier, nicer, etc. then me and think he was stupid for sticking around with me. Yes, that fear was unjustified and all me, and eventually I've come to deal with it much better. I know I have no reason to believe this, and my husband has also been very reassuring.<p>My advice would be to express that you understand that he may feel you could be vulnerable to someone else because of what he has put you through, but assure him that you have no desire to do that. That he is the one you love, etc. It will subside eventually. Be patient with him, I sincerely sense that it is that he has a rather low self-esteem/image. Remember, it's not you at all, it's more how he attacks himself with his own past actions, etc. Work with him as you will want him to work with you when you have an off day.<p>My best to you. Hope this helps.

atpeace and tutter13,<p>Thanks...I feel better after reading your replies. I realize that his actions caused the situation and these feelings he's having, but I will be sensitive about it. It's just rather weird to be on the receiving end of jealousy when I would not consider even LOOKING at another man right now...