How can someone who was so thoughtful and caring and loving to me hurt me so much? I just don't see how this is possible. I was not perfect, but not a terrible husband either. It just baffles my mind. ahh, just venting today.

Oh my friend, how I feel you pain. You so sound like my husband as he asked the same questions of me. It's rather hard to explain, and even when the answers come out just right we still don't understand them.<p>For me it wasn't a matter of knowingly hurting him. I got lost in this fantasy world that I saw when my marriage was new. I got lost in the how things were supposed to go to get to where they were supposed to be. I never noticed that although the path we were taking was different than I had imagined, it would still lead us to the same place in life. <p>Change can be a scary thing to some people. There are some (like my husband) that see it for what it is, embrace it and move forward in the right direction. Then there are others (like myself) who see it, think it's wrong, and reject it, snowballing into a path of destruction without even knowing.<p>I don't know that I can offer much else for you right now. I will tell you this - as a WW I do know that your feelings are real and your pain is real. I pray that things will start to look up for you soon. If there is anything I can offer, please ask.<p>{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}} to you! Take care of YOU!

Well, I'm feeling a little better now. I have just convinced my self I need to act more confident and not so scatterbrained if I want to win her back. I am in kind of a forced plan B right now. She says she wants space (is seeing OM). So I asked her mom to get the paint color of the house that she had picked out, just to let her know I am moving on and doing something she would like to have done.

If you are not in therapy you should be. You sound like you are still in shell shock. You need to get your thinking under control. You need to get your self esteem back. A person who respects himself would not allow another person to show disrespect and still be around. Somehow your wife thinks that you are going to stick around and wait for her even after she screws around. That is the problem. She is treating you as an after thought. She needs some shock therapy. In form her that if she wants to act like a single woman you are freeing her by filing for divorce and that you are not going to wait around for her. That is what you have to do if you want to regain her respect for you. No woman wants to think that she is married to wimp. If she thinks she can walk all over you she will. By being assertive you might still be able to save your marriage.