Well I think I discovered what is going on with me. Yesterday I got very angry with my wife at almost nothing (major LB). I never do this!! I was looking for some expense receipts I had put away and they were gone. I looked all over the house and could not find them. When I asked my W she said she put them in an envelope for me and stuck it on the dresser next to my stuff. I told her I thought this was hers and she said some snide remark and I lit into her. Boy how dumb am I. She was actually trying to be helpful. I guess I had not seen this in her in a long long time and did not see it for what it really was until much later. She also fixed my glasses and got a nice case for them for me. Good signs I guess, but frankly I do not care.<p>It is this feeling that brought to my attention what is wrong with me. I HAVE A ZERO LOVE BANK FOR HER NOW. No more love to gloss over her imperfections. I think it is just some time before I start doing some major LB'ing. I am slowly withdrawling from her. I even have difficulties talking to her. I feel uncomfortable about all of this. I just have nothing to say anymore, nothing to talk about.<p>I am scared. I do not want to go to Plan B. Too many big decisions my wife has to make next week about going back to work after maternity leave where the OM is. I have go to stick this out. Any suggestions on how to turn this around? I need some ideas? Her birthday is coming up next weekend 14th. I hope I can make it at least till then.

Is there anything that you like to do that you could do for yourself? Like go golfing or take yourself to a show? Anything that might lift your spirits? Go for a walk or go rent a sports car?? If you can ride this out just a couple weeks more you'll be in a much better spot to let out how you're feeling. Go find a secluded spot and just SCREAM!!! That actually worked pretty well for me when I thought I was about to cross over into looloo land.

I used to go fishing. Sold my boat just after D-day so I could free up cash so I could work less and spend more time at home. Maybe I can go fishing one morning this weekend. I know my wife would probably get upset about this. She loves her weekends because it is her time to veg.

GO FOR IT!! Tell her you need some time to yourself, space to think. Let her sit around and wonder what YOU'RE thinking for a change! It sounds like a really good plan.

Before you do anything else, apologize to W for what happened. Do it in person, in a letter, by phone, but just do it. Don't let this situation become a reason for further distancing by either one of you. Also make sure you tell her why you did what you did and figure out a way to deal with these feelings so it doesn't happen again. To me, W was opening up to you, she was giving you something, don't let this slip away.<p>And be there emotionally for W next week, here is your chance to shine. Sure, OM and the A are going to come up in conversation (you've been warned, it wont be a surprise anymore) but you know you can deal with it and help W through it. W needs you now more than ever, show her the wonderful H you are, the only one who truly loves her, the one who is committed to her forever.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Good signs I guess, but frankly I do not care.<hr></blockquote> Ahh, but you do or else you wouldn't be here asking for help, would you? Don't worry about the Love Bank balance, ever float a check? Same thing, your just in-between deposits and are worried about those checks that haven't cleared yet. Its only temporary, now if you had felt this way for a month or so (really felt that way) then it would be different.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I even have difficulties talking to her. I feel uncomfortable about all of this. I just have nothing to say anymore, nothing to talk about.<hr></blockquote> So don't, don't talk, just be with her, just enjoy her and remind yourself of how truly special she is.<p>And do take some time for yourself, even a few hours, but if WW resists, don't make a big deal out of it. Is there anyone who can watch the kids for a few while you take some 'me-time' Even if not, take the kids somewhere fun, somewhere where it wouldn't be a big deal watching them (zoo, museum, pool, park, picnic, anything). Its time for a mental vacation from WW, OM and the A.
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