As some of you may know, my WW is having an EA with a federal inmate; an old teenage-years boyfriend.
It was suggested by another poster that there may be some common "themes" about this, or as Odile put it:<p>"...some special dynamic about these kinds of relationships? Isn't this a special kind of R that some women find themselves attracted to (with men in prison)? This just isn't your "garden-variety" EA - I'm sure that with SH's experience, he is aware of this, but have you done any research into this kind of attraction - b/c I would think your W needs counselling that can deal with this kind of sensitive issue, and that might help you to be more aware of what you are dealing with, and how best to approach things."<p>Any ideas? Experience with this?

Space,
Not knowing the whole story I assume that this an EA done through mail and phone presuming that the OM is still a convict?
IF you could let me know more i could answer in a better persective thanks

Yes, he's an inmate at a Federal facility. Contact thru phone, letter, occasional visits (far from where we live). He's in until 2010.

I will try to give you as much insight as i can being an EXConvict myself I will try to give a persective to the best of my ability.<p>Considering that he is in til2010 i presume that is his EARLIEST release. chances are you WW or possibly the OM will get bored with the situation rather quickly... it is also quite possible that your WW is being used.... not only for social contact but for money... do you know if she gives him money?
I do not know how to ease your pain all I can say is that chances are this EA wil lnot last til his release.. i suspect your WW will get bored rather quickly being as the OM wont have alot to talk about seing as he is resticted in productive movement, <p>I wish i could offer more advice but this is how i see it
best of luck

Are you mainly interested in A's with *convicts*, or *Bad boys* in general. That's pretty common, from what I've seen. <p>Then there's H2Y, whose W had an A with a "bad boy", who THEN went to jail for a year (for domestic abuse), and the A continued WHILE he was in jail (so he could see his baby - OC), and then AFTER he got out. <p>You might talk to him about his experience. Call him sometime - you have his number, dontcha? Maybe he will join y'all for lunch today.<p>Seems many WS's get involved with OP's that need "help" in some way. Or are "weak". Someone they can take care of, or someone that makes them feel better about themselves. Someone that makes them feel superior. Maybe the "convict" thing is just more of an extreme case.<p>[ June 07, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Loves Prisoner:
<strong>I will try to give you as much insight as i can being an EXConvict myself I will try to give a persective to the best of my ability.<p>Considering that he is in til2010 i presume that is his EARLIEST release. chances are you WW or possibly the OM will get bored with the situation rather quickly... it is also quite possible that your WW is being used.... not only for social contact but for money... do you know if she gives him money?
I do not know how to ease your pain all I can say is that chances are this EA wil lnot last til his release.. i suspect your WW will get bored rather quickly being as the OM wont have alot to talk about seing as he is resticted in productive movement, <p>I wish i could offer more advice but this is how i see it
best of luck</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I have no doubt that this R is hard to keep up. But it's been going on since Nov '00 (that I know of), so it's coming up on two years. There's no doubt in my mind he's using her; all kinds of errands, managing money for him, attorney calls, all kinds of stuff.<p>As far as Money; that I can tell, she receives money for him from his family and doles it out to him in small chunks ($100-200) so that the BOP won't take it to pay for whatever it is he's supposed to pay for there.<p>Thanks!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Faith1:
<strong>Are you mainly interested in A's with *convicts*, or *Bad boys* in general. That's pretty common, from what I've seen. <p>Then there's H2Y, whose W had an A with a "bad boy", who THEN went to jail for a year (for domestic abuse), and the A continued WHILE he was in jail (so he could see his baby - OC), and then AFTER he got out. <p>You might talk to him about his experience. Call him sometime - you have his number, dontcha? Maybe he will join y'all for lunch today.<p>Seems many WS's get involved with OP's that need "help" in some way. Or are "weak". Someone they can take care of, or someone that makes them feel better about themselves. Someone that makes them feel superior. Maybe the "convict" thing is just more of an extreme case.<p>[ June 07, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm not sure, Faith. Odile suggested there may be certain attractions, or certain traits common to women who are attrated by convicts, but I presume that could also apply to "bad boys" as well.<p>And you're right; I do have H2Y's number so I will call him about that; I'd forgotten he told me he had tips on convicts.<p>I agree that in general, it does appear that there is an attraction to the "helpless" and, no doubt, the enormous amount of appreciation and admiration they get from people who need help and are helped.<p>Just thought I'd explore the concept and see what we could come up with.

Dear SC-
I've been trying to search for you - used Google with various keywords - this set of keywords "women who love convicts' coughed up these 2 links on the 1st pg - not very helpful really, but some sort of feedback - seems some people look for this kind of R -<p>www.askheartbeat.com/html/body_essay12a.html<p>and www.4personals.org/Prison.htm<p>I think it's just a pretty clear indication of a real fear of intimacy issue with her.<p>Gotta go! H home soon!
Take care,
Odile

Thanks O! That's really very nice of you [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Some quotes from Odile's links may give us some clues:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Falling in love and carrying on a relationship with a man behind bars? For many women the security offered by a man in lockdown and the opportunity to fantasize about a life together is the perfect answer to overwhelming lonliness... <hr></blockquote><p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Some women, truly afraid of the day-to-day intimacy of an outside relationship, feel safer and less threatened by this choice of partner and enjoy the high drama and romance of longing for a man they know they can't really have for years and years, and sometimes forever. <hr></blockquote><p>Obviously, this is not a definitive conclusion, but it does give us some insight into these relationships.<p>How much of this applies to my WW, I am not sure, but it certainly could. Although she did know this man before he went to prison, and they dated as teen-agers. So there's other elemnts involved.<p>The other sites are primarily for people seeking to become penpals with inmates...what a concept!