I am a survivor of an affair which occured a year and a half ago. And although I thought I had forgiven him for it, I realized I haven't. Since the affair I have learned he doesn't want another child. We have worked this out but in what degree I have no idea. He agreed to have another but I find or feel he is sabataging our opportunity to have another. How you may ask?
He lost his job a four months ago. He is half heartedly looking for a new one. I know he knows this because he admits it to his friends. Which means we cannot have a nother child until he gets a job. <p>It is frustrating because I find myself beginning to get more and more frustrated in me waiting all the time. Frustrated he hasn't found another job yet, frustrated he isn't keen on having another child (which by the way we agreed tohaving two before we got married and lots of discussions after that too.) I find myself being resentful of him not interested in going to the park with our son, taking him to fairs, children programs and the like. <p>Am I being selfish here feeling this way. I don't want to feel this way but find more and more I am feeling a great deal of resentment and anger twoards him. <p>I also find his family (certain members) think he can do no wrong. That my feelings and thoughts do not matter if they are different to his. I won't get into that one. It will take too long. <p>Perhaps I am just going through a frustrating time right now and under all of this stress old feelings are coming to the surface. <p>I so desperately need someone on my side and to help me get over this resentment At times I even wonder if I still want to stay married. I am a mixed up frazzled, frustrated wife and mother trying to do too much.<p>Please give me your comments and advice. I feel so alone with all of these feelings.<p>resentfull <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

Hi resentful - you are not alone and this is the right place for you. <p>My H also had an affair and it's almost a year since I found out (D-day) so I know what you are feeling to some degree.<p>Here's my 2 cents on what you said.<p><strong>I am a survivor of an affair which occured a year and a half ago. And although I thought I had forgiven him for it, I realized I haven't.
</strong><p>Your name says you still have resentment and I understand why. You need to completely deal with what happened before you can recover from this devastating event in your lives.<p><strong>
I find myself being resentful of him not interested in going to the park with our son, taking him to fairs, children programs and the like.
</strong><p>If your H doesn't participate with one child then assume he still won't if there are 2 children. <p><strong>
I so desperately need someone on my side and to help me get over this resentment At times I even wonder if I still want to stay married. I am a mixed up frazzled, frustrated wife and mother trying to do too much.
</strong><p>Everyone here is on your side even though it may not seem so when you are given hard advice. I don't think you're being selfish but I think you should consider why having another child is so important to you. Could it be because until his affair you both had wanted one? If you aren't sure you want to be married to him then maybe you should hold off on making babies until you are on more firm ground.<p>Read all you can here and the Harley's books are a wonderful help too. Just click on the Books link above.<p>I wish you luck and I'll pray for you and your family.<p>[ June 07, 2002: Message edited by: TinyDancer ]</p>

Thanks Tinydancer. I do still feel resentful and am working to get rid of it. Through a lot of books recommended to me. <p>As for the child, we agreed on having two not one. It has only been since the affair that he said he only wnats one.<p>Why another child is so important to me. More for the child really. For many reasons, learning the world doesn't revolve around you, to learn to share, to have a friend to confide in, to be there for one another when a parent can't be confided in, to be there when we pass away, and so much more. Not so much for me, but I truely do not think it is fair to have one child.<p>I also don't want to wait too long, time is running out for me and for my son. I don't want there to be too many years between them. <p>Anyway, I appreciate your advice and comments. I needed to vent and need someone to say, they understand but......<p>Thanks