Tutter- I could use some help. Background. I am the BS. Found out about WW A on 10/15. Again on 12/15. In mc since. Here is my problem. She is not sure if she wants to work on this. Says she does but there is nothing good in our marriage. Too big of a mountain to climb. Things are not going well right now. Told WW last week that I need to know by this weekend if she wants to work on it. Even though she wants it to work she is not trying. Last night we talked and if it weren't for kids, 4,6, she would leave. I am tired and cannot keep trying w/out her help. I don't understand what she is feeling, thinking. Any help on what she may be feeling would be great.

First, I am so sorry I didn't catch this post sooner. I'm not usually on only during the work day.<p>What might she be thinking???? Good question. I'm not familiar with most of your story, so I'll take a stab at it. My first thought is that the kids are not the ONLY reason she hasn't left. It may be part, but it's convenient to use. Sounds like she might be a bit confused and lost.<p>Work on you and try to show her that there is life in your marriage. Is EVERYTHING in the open? I mean, you know about the A and she knows you know? This helps to make the WW face everything. It's hard to face reality if it's not out in the open.<p>Are you two in counseling? Talk to her about this. Let her know that you feel that there is something to save, and that maybe if the two of you went to a MC you could discover where the problem really lies and then work to repair that.<p>Maybe she's scared that you couldn't possible lover her the way you used to after what she has done. I had that fear for quite some time.<p>Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint exactly what's wrong with the relationship, so we say there's nothing there, or nothing is right. It's not meant to that extreme, but she needs to see what is right to disect what's wrong and determine if she wants to work on it.<p>Sit down and talk to her. Let her know you understand that she must be confused right now. Let her know that you love her and want to work on the marriage if she is willing. Tell her that you know it will not be easy, but that you are willing to go down this road WITH her, together. Let her feel confortable with you and talking to you. Let her see the gentle man that she betrayed, and let her see your pain if you need to. Don't show it in anger, show it as pain. <p>I hope this helps some. If there is more I can offer, please ask and I'd be happy to try to help. Take care of yourself, and I wish you the best.