Haven't seen a single post on here about Father's Day. Why is it that Mother's day gets beaten to death but Father's day passes with hardly a whimper? Sigh.....<p>Did anyone else's day pass without even a mention?<p>Why should there be such a huge difference between the two days?<p>Jeffers

Father's Day is on the 16th if I'm not mistaken

Yes, Father's Day is coming up this next Sunday the 16th and I wonder if my adult aged daughters will acknowledge their father at all. The past years I have always made the move for them to do something for him but I will no longer do that. Father's Day and Mother's Day, in my opionion, are days to honor and thank wonderful parents. Parents who go the distance in good times and bad. You can always count on them to be pillars of support. My stbx has not shown this good behavior for many years now so I would not suprised if my daughters just let the day go by without even sending a card.<p>He used to be a wonderful father, but should we still celebrate this with the current situation?<p>Its funny that since he started his affair he decided not to acknowledge me at all on Mother's Day. He would say "you are not my mother"! The fact that I am the mother of his children does not enter his mind. I have always thanked him for being a wonderful father to our children. This year it will be different.<p>Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful and caring fathers out there!

Father's day IS the 16th and I haven't forgotten even though I'd like to this year. <p>The 16th is my 1 year D-day anniversary. D-day was when I found a Father's day card from OW to my former WH, so you can see the bad feelings involved here for me.<p>BUT I have done as all the good MB people suggested and decided to make new memories. We are having breakfast here at our house for my H, my Dad and my Father-in-law. In the afternoon we have an appointment for a family picture, something my H has been wanting ( I had plans to do that last year but swollen eyes from crying wouldn't have made a very nice picture [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] ).
Our girls are making dinner for their Dad, all his favorites and we may go see a movie he's wanting to see.<p>So maybe you will have some surprises too jeffers [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Regardless of the parent's behavior within the M, I believe Mothers and Fathers day should be celebrated.
I made sure my children celebrated it for my WW this year, however painful it may be for me that perhaps next year we will not be together for this day.
And I hope she will do the same for me, maybe even throw in a little present from her; like announce the end of the A, or maybe her committment to the M....wishful thinking; but I'll take whatever she wishes to give at this point!
All IMVHO, of course.

I think this Father's Day can only be better for us than last year. I had to spend last Father's Day with OW [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] blech! We went boating on the river with mutual friends -- FWH accidently failed to mention the *+&$% badge bimbo (H is a cop) would be there. That was about a week before D-Day when I found out about the MANY calls with her to/from his cell phone. I was already VERY suspicious, tho. FWH says they haven't spoken a word to each other since the day after D-Day. <p>Oh, and to add insult to injury, I also had to spend Mother's Day with the badge bimbo. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Three of the guys on duty had their families come for an impromptu lunch at the Police Dept. (mostly impromptu for me; everyone else's wife knew about it way in advance). Of course, the badge bimbo always makes an appearance wherever cops are gathered. Darn, I guess I'm still a little bitter about it. <p>FWH went out of his way to make this Mother's Day special for me! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] And we're spending Father's Day in a cabin on the lake -- as a family! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] He's trying SO hard, and I appreciate it SO much!<p>Lori

jeffers,<p>I'll have my boys do something for their dad. It may only be going through photos, making copies of thier life to give to him. Or if they have something else in mind, I go for it. <p>not sure how my boys feel about father's day. last yr we told them we were getting a divorce on that day. not sure if the boys really remember as the wks leading it up to the day had been stressful, jetlag, & other things. <p>Happy Father's day to you & all the other great MB Dad's!<p>I am thankful that even though my STBX may have chossen to leave me but execpt for the A, and having the boys around the OW, he is still a great dad. He is not the wonderful Christian Dad that he was or the great role model of who I wanted my boys to grow up to be like with a few minor changes however he is still a great dad to them still.

Jeffers,<p>Howa been!1?!?! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] We took our son's class to Alum Rock Park and thought about when you came tooling up here. <p>Hope everything's ok. It's been a while since we have heard from U.<p>take care,
L.

DocsGirl,<p>O.K. Now I'm embarrassed. [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was seein all the Dad's day ads last week and figured it had to be Sunday, but I was still hearing the ads this morning on the way to work, so I decided to actually check my calendar... ooops. Good thing I wasn't nasty to anyone at home [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
Betrayedbeyondbelief,<p> "you are not my mother" ... that comment really sucks. I'm pretty sure I've never used that one. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] When our kids were younger I was pretty good about reminding them when "special" days were approaching (like Mom's B-day, and Mother's day, etc) Now that they're teens they mostly see it as days that they get to eat brunch out and don't do any further thinking about it. Well, maybe that's a good thing -- they've never felt they've had to question the strength of their family...<p>TD,
Why is it that so many have D-days on one of these holidays. Probably, because stuff gets exchanged and that provides an "opportunity" for discovery? <p>I guess I'm going to be out in New Mexico with my boys on the real Father's Day (backpacking on Philmont Scout Ranch). That'll be pretty special.<p>Jeffers

Spacecase,<p>The thing that always bothered me was the non-reciprocal nature of the two days: Mother's day she wanted me to do stuff with the kids so she could relax and do her own thing, Father's day she wanted me to do things with the kids (without her) since it was Father's day and that's what fathers are supposed to do.<p>I have to admit that I've never thought about what I think would be nice to do on Father's day. I've always just reacted to what everyone tells me I should do. YIKES.<p>at peace,<p>You seem to have found the right solution... make new good memories.<p>Sing,<p>That's the kind of thing my D (9) would do ...make something. Since school let out a couple of weeks ago she's been crafting continuously- with no prompting. We were trying to figure out how to make "marbled" paper last week... had lot's of fun experimenting, but realized we didn't have quite the right kind of paint.<p>I'm glad you've chosen to make "lemonade". You are so much more together than a year ago. Thanks for stopping in.<p>Orchid,<p>Long story, very long.<p>I haven't really been gone, well maybe I was for about a week, I've been checking up on things almost every day. But, you're right, not much posting. <p>I'm starting to pick up the threads of my life again. Found out I was actually going to get paid this summer (a suprise). Refinancing our house now to pay off some bills and have some money for improvements. Remember, my problem was crash-and-burn MLC stuff, so these are big accomplishments.<p>I actually get some stuff done now each day at work, so I just don't feel driven to spend as much time fixating on MB threads and all the issues they used to raise in my mind. I've read Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage" a couple of times now and am amazed at how much it adds to the MB approach.... mostly explaining the "why's" of things... and I really need to understand the "why's". (So I'm also reading his more technical book "The Sexual Crucible") <p>So, now I'm much calmer. Things are going to eventually work themselves out. Conflict is inevitable in marriage, it's the only way growth occurs (according to Schnarch). If you avoid all conflict, you're avoiding the opportunities to find out something about yourself and grow from it. My MLC is basically about the same thing. Pain that's leading to growth.<p>I'd like to get back to CA sometime, just not sure when. It's inevitable, though, since I'm still working on a project at Stanford (and making some headway).<p>That's about as short a version as I can give, many details missing, but I'm tired and have to sleep for a while.<p>Jeffers

jeffers!<p>me too. What you said.<p>I am finding the 'need' to be here less and less...<p>also, around February was lurking and posting at TOW... looking for Princess ... not sure I found her... but I am beginning to understand the dynamics of the whole thing even better.<p>H is questioning less and less... his anger level is soooo much lower.... we laugh and joke and show affection ... and I am finding I don't NEED SF as much ... and that it is even more meaningful... <p>Sunday we will be baptized and join a Southern Baptist Church... odd the way things happen... I have learned to STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN... for God's Will and Purpose... <p>As you said... picking up the threads of our life... and knitting it all back together... <p>I hope one day we get to meet as you were very instrumental to me last year. Thanks for your support and good luck to you.<p>Marsha AKA Cali

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jeffers:
<strong><p>Sing,<p>That's the kind of thing my D (9) would do ...make something. Since school let out a couple of weeks ago she's been crafting continuously- with no prompting. We were trying to figure out how to make "marbled" paper last week... had lot's of fun experimenting, but realized we didn't have quite the right kind of paint.<p>I'm glad you've chosen to make "lemonade". You are so much more together than a year ago. Thanks for stopping in.<p>Jeffers</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Jeffers,<p>Me more together than I was a yr ago, I don't understand what could you mean? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Just because the day I got back to H-town the biggest most costliest tropical strom came ashore also. Or could it be the 1,2, 3, 4 or more months I spent crying on this board about how awful everything was & even though all of ya'll tried to keep me going, we all knew what my STBX most likely would do.<p>I get happier evey day, haven't gotten use to being poor, (no unlimited credit cards, & knowing there always would be money) but I am happier, I think even my OS is even happier.<p>Some things may change major in the next few wks but things are great here now. <p>glad things are going well with you. 9 yr olds & paint, my 10 yr YS loves paint, & or any other material he can make a mess with.<p>Enjoy the hiking.<p>1 last thought, in talking with OS, the boys may get their dad something that the 3 of them can do together. Maybe a rafting trip (a cheap day one) or something. I reminded OS that OW & her D then might come along, & his reply they better not. So either way I win. I am nice, encouragin the boys to do something with their dad, & if OW pushes her way into it, the boys will be mad & STBX will be also. <p>Have a very Happy Fathers Day.

Jeffers, <p>Least you still feel slighted I wanted to share my father’s day thread with you. <p> “Did anyone else's day pass without even a mention?” Yes, mother’s day passed without a mention this year for me. <p>While you may feel slighted in your home, in other homes it’s the mother who gets slighted. Don’t this it’s a gender thing as much as an individual thing.<p>Sound like you have a handle on things. Good for you.<p>[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: MyLife ]</p>

Cali/Marsha,<p>Understanding is tough stuff. I find the more I understand, the more I have to let go my anger and sense of injustice. Seeing the purpose even in the bad stuff... very Schnarch-like... or maybe, spiritual.<p>"Questioning" is a good thing, isn't it? I bet you really mean that he's stopped "challenging" you about everything. Our oldest son does that. His questions are just challenges, he doesn't really want answers. I don't even think he listens to the answers... just jumps into another "question"... He's also doing this a little less recently.<p>I've been reading your updates. It looks like you're starting to get back into a "rhythm" again- of the sort that Pepperband mentioned in her recent post. Ya know, our M's can have ups and downs and still be real. We start to really know that we can survive these cycles.<p>It's funny you mentioned SF. I used to accept it in any way, shape or form, just to get it. I've learned how good it can be when we have a connection and how disappointing when we don't- Schnarch helped me clarify this aspect of myself. I'm learning to follow the connection rather than just pushing for SF. I'm curious to see how this works itself out over the summer.<p>STOP, LOOK, LISTEN and then CROSS! I don't think God ever wants us to sit still. I guess that's why life can never be conflict free, cuz we can't just sit and hide. <p>Ya know... a lifeline always has a person on EACH end. I remember doing a lot of dumping on your threads, but I'll certainly accept a little external validation... Your comments made me smile.<p>I'll add you to my list of wonderful people who are also Southern Baptists (lots here in SC). Ain't life grand?<p>Jeffers

Sing,<p>OK. I'm feeling better about the Father's day afront that I didn't actually experience. <p>I think the rafting trip is a really neat idea (especially with all the value added components [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ). I would love it.... It's a real guy thing to do!
Course that's sorta what I'll be doing... so I guess I'm going to have a great Father's day. <p>Mylife,<p>I saw your thread earlier today and was thinking about making a comment... go back and check your thread.<p>I agree with you, there probably are more men who are lugs than women. I was not always good about remembering important days, but then I must've grew up or something. Wouldn't surprise me if she still remembered those "bad" times and was still reacting.<p>I'm pretty sure I have a good handle on things compared to a year ago, heck maybe even three months ago. I'm still not sure what I'm going to knit with my threads- socks? a sweater? I'm getting more certain that I'll figure it out, though.<p>Jeffers