I had an A which I ended. Have been in recovery for quite a while. After I ended the A I was the one who took the active role in trying to rebuild our M. I found this site, read all the material, printed it out along with the questionaires and gave them to my H, I finished the q'aires in 2 days. It's been months and my H hasn't done them yet. I've bought several books from here and have read them several times. My H hasn't even looked at them. I have asked him to go to Cing, he won't. I have tried to talk to him about my A and why I think it happened, He doesn't want to. He only does what he wants when he wants and spends most of his free time watching sports,fishing or sleeping. I am so lonely and scared. I am starting to have feelings for OM again. We live in a small town and I run into him once in a while. I saw him yesterday in the grocery store parking lot. I was starting my car to leave and he pulled into the spot right in front of me. Our eyes locked and I just started crying and left. I feel so guilty for having these feelings and I DON'T want to go down that road again but my H won't even meet me half way when it comes to our M. I am literally starving for affection. I can't even tell my H how bad it has gotten for me and that I am having these feelings again or he will leave this time. He accepts any affection that I give him but will not give it on his own. I feel as if he is somehow testing me and pushing me to the limit to see if I will fall back into this affair. I don't know what to do anymore. I have turned it over to God in the hopes of finding peace but nothing has changed. How long does God let you suffer before he gives you some sign that it is in his hands and he will take care of it? All I want is peace within myself right now. I am so tired.

kellie;
You're in a tough spot. I admire your courage in ending the A and trying to save your M. Your H is probably in shock, very hurt, and has not found the way to express it.
I can only suggest that you keep trying to get through to him; be patient, show him you're sorry and that he's what you want. Give him some time to work this out in his mind, and I think he'll start coming around to hearing it.
Best wishes.

kellie-i think you should do c-ing on your own if husband wont go. let him see the changes in you. he is probably very on-guard right now. do it for you. husband will come around.<p>has he asked anything about the affair at all?

SC, How long does the shock usually last? The A has been over for more than 1 yr now. I've tried to plan A but it is hard when I don't even know what his top ENs are.

nikko, I have been to 4 different Cs already. No, my H hasn't asked anything about the A. I have offered to talk with him about it if he wanted to but he declined.