All you can do is laugh! It lessens the pain.<p>My H started affair with OW we all worked with. Too long a story. Rejected me severely. Would not len me in his office, stopped calling, emailing me, coming by my desk or having lunch together. Stopped driving together. He and OW would arrive at the same time & park side by side. They met first at the gym every morning. They went in to work together. They would go missing & walk out together half hour later at the end of the day. They were in each others offices CONSTANTLY and I do mean constantly! Then she would go to my H's office all the time (so I couldnt see H in hers). Every time I went to talk to him or ask something, I was delegated to talking in the hallway while she sat in his office like a queen. He was very rude to me. Often times they had the door shut!! Other times they were each in their office, but chatting on the computer messenger!! His coworkers would go to ask him a question - she was in there. They'd turn around. Go back later, door was shut with her in there. 3rd time, she'd finally be gone & they'd approach my H & say "where's your girlfriend?" and he would be livid mad!! I found out she would go to him 15-30 minutes, make an appearance at her office & go back again for half hour more - ALL DAY LONG! SO MANY DAYS/MONTHS. The damn supervisors did nothing. Everybody knew for certain, what I could only suspect.<p>ANd he has the nerve to tell ME that I "humiliated him in front of his coworkers" and therefore he "had to leave" that job!!!!!! AAAARRGH!! He hated that job & the politics & was trying to leave for a year. HE still screams at me that I told "everybody" and they are all "on my side" and that he cant face them because I told them all this terrible lie!!!! I only told 2 close friends. His behavior was enough for everyone else to catch on!! He became rude, antisocial and secretive. He had a photo of her kid on his computer monitor for God's sake!! (Granted it was with a photo of our friends twins who we adore - but are Very close to). This kid was a stranger & its in his office like its his son!!!<p>And that is just a tiny portion of the whole saga! But I constantly found myself replying to him that it was his own behaviour that caused people at that job to know, that they are not dumb, they have eyes to see and ears to hear (phone conversations). GRRRRR!<p>Recently I heard that my H still calls her at work, the people in cubicles nearby can hear her end of the conversation & know its him, and she must be advertising the fact of who she is talking to!!! A year later & this is still going on!!<p>WS will blame us for anything & everything. Of course I love the fact that it takes away from their thinking theirs is so 'special' a thing. Secrecy and the risk of getting caught seems to be such a draw, such an excitement for them! No harm to put a kink in it. Don't lie for him. If nothing else say "well, _______ has chosen not to participate in this marriage and has become a dishonest person. I'd prefer not to talk about it further". But you DO need people for support. Hes the one CHOOSING to do what hes doing. Let him face the consequences of his actions.<p>I at one time read "The Power of the Praying Wife" when I was in the beginning stages of all this & a basket case last April '01. SOme I remember was praying that "Convict him of his sins and his iniquities, and let him be repentent before you God" and another was "Open his eyes to anything he willingly gives place to that is wrong". Sometimes I want revenge so bad!! I want to see them suffer the way I have for a year and don't want them to be able to wait until their dying day, I want it NOW!! I await the day to hear that OW has been devastated in some manner - like being made financially responsible for the thousands od dollars debt she dumped on her now ex-H.!<p>Okay, I'll shut up now. The affair at work thing got me going!!

Eewww...It does sound as if your father-in-law should not be told. My h's mother was the domineering, controlling and creepy. H's affair started after she died and xow is a copy of her. <p>If he's narcissistic, then he'll blame you as I'm sure he thinks his offspring are to be perfect as he is. That's a sad sickness-my mil had it and my h has it too but in lesser degrees. When they did her estate sale, they told me they'd never seen so many mirrors in one place! Virtually no one showed up for her funeral. She had alienated everyone who would reveal her imperfections or try to get close enough to see them. <p>I was accused of telling about h's affair by h's Sunday school teacher and his wife because I requested prayer in my class. Haven't been back to Sunday school since. (I leave after worship service and go back to pick up h and d) They believed h's lies, now know the truth and still haven't acknowledged the truth. <p>My h too, during his fog, said crazy things to me. Made me crazy too. Don't fall for it. He'll be out of the fog and won't believe what he said. Don't justify yourself and who you've confided in. It's the only way you can keep your sanity. He's trying to make himself feel better by making you out the be the bad guy. It's the same justification they use during the affair.

Againstthewind -- I really feel for you. This is how I KNOW their brains have been taken over by aliens. He is a very intelligent man and yet he thinks that people in his office know about his A because I told a friend about it that has no connection to his office?!? Gee, last I checked people in a six person office that all travel together and socialize together have eyes and ears. Plus, I think the OW told one of the other employees. I think they both think they are so sly that nobody would notice that the head of an office was having an A with the most junior employee who just got a promotion and they travel together. Really crafty stuff. I'm sure nobody noticed.<p>Glad you vented. Hope things improve for you too.