Since d-day (4/14), I have read "Love Must Be Tough," "Surviving An Affair," "Men Are From Mars," "I'm OK, You're OK," plus numerous articles from MB, DivorceBusters, Shattered Vows article, etc. <p>I refer back to these books daily and feel I'm doing a darn good plan A - I still get hung up on his every word or act, but I'm getting better. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I now want to read some books just for me and I'm seeing alot of MB ppl mentioning some of Dr. Phil's books, but I'm not sure where to start, any suggestions?<p>I'm also planning to read "After the Affair" and "His Needs Her Needs." <p>Thanks,
Llama

here's my reading list, and you may also want to check ou the MB Reading list at:<p>MB Book List w/links<p>Spacecase's Book List - Recommended Reading:
UPDATED 05/27

My "Affair Bibles" (please don't take offense, The Bible is THE BIBLE, and will always be first. Albeit, in my case, the Old Testament, 5 Books of Moses, Torah, whatever you choose to call it.) <p>1. Surviving an Affair - Harley/Chalmers - Clearly the definitive guidebook to sanity and hope during these turbulent times, and a must-read for anyone on these boards.
2. The Divorce Remedy - Weiner-Davis - A close second to SAA, very similar approaches and methods, less structure to the program.
3. After the Affair - Abrahms-Spring - Apart from the attempt to connect EVERYTHING to childhood experiences, a very thorough and complete guide with tremendous insight for all involved in an A. <p>Indispensable References
1. His Needs-Her Needs - Harley
2. Give & Take - Harley
3. Surviving Infidelity - Subotnik/Harris
4. Divorce Busting - Weiner-Davis
5. Private Lies - Pittman EXCELLENT! This is a must-read for everyone, from every side, involved in an A. Very good insight. In particular, the "Myths About Infidelity", "Guilty Secrets" (about secrets, lying, etc.), "The State of Affairs" (different types of affairs, "Infidelity and Divorce", "The Defects of Romantic Second Marriages", and "When Monogamy Works". Also, and excellent chapter on Infidelity and its effects on children, handling that, etc. Highly recommended. <p>Other Books of Value
1. Fighting for Your Marriage - Markman/Stanley/Blumberg
2. Difficult Conversations - Stone/Patton/Heen
3. Conscious Loving - Handricks/Hendricks
4. Change your Life & Everyone in it - Weiner-Davis
5. Money Demons - Forward
6. Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus – Gray (In fact, the whole Venus & Mars series is great) <p>Some I did not like
1. When your Lover is Liar - Forward - Very valuable IF you're a betrayed woman (Most of the premises are based on real/perceived gender stereotypes, and for men it's too difficult to discern which could also apply to lying women.)
2. Affairs: Emergency Tactics - Rhodes - Very shallow. Only discusses 3 types of As, and attempts to make everything fit within those 3. If yours is precisely one of these, there could be some value to it, but in general, there's much better stuff out there.
3. Infidelity - Gough - Again, pretty shallow, author has been a WS and BS, hard to tell what's her personal experience/perception and what's more researched and solid.
4. Infidelity: A survival Guide - Lusterman - Way too textbook to be practical, much more of a study of the psychology of affairs. Of value if you're into in-depth psychoanalysis of affairs.
5. There were others here, but they were SO bad (IMHO) that they went right back to Half.com for sale! <p>On my reading list
1. Torn Asunder - Carter
2. How Could You Do That?! - Schlessinger
3. Love Must Be Tough - Straight Talk - Dobson
4. Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Find the Right Program for You & Apply Each of the Twelve Steps to Your Own Issues
- Melody Beattie
5. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others & Start Caring for Yourself
- Melody Beattie<p>[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</p>

Power of a praying husband
or for women power of a praying wife<p>Bible

Getting the love you want by Harville Hendricks I own 3. I give them out whenever friends are having problems. Last therapist used his teachings. I like it because it also helps you gain insight into yourself.
Hugs to Llama!
Layli

I'll try not to mention the ones already listed.
I went to the library when I ran out of money and they had some old stuff that might be hard to find.<p>"Heart to Heart about Men" was so good that I am trying to find a copy that I can keep and reread and highlight, and write in the margins (you get the idea)<p>I found some insights in
"All Men are @$$..." (more than I expected.)
"How to Win your Man back from the Other Woman" (that might not be the exact title)<p>I found "Surviving Infidelity" not to be worth the read.<p>I found "Relationship Rescue" (McGraw) to be useful.<p>I found it very helpful, like you said, to read books about me, or my Christian life. <p>"Finding More Time in your Life" is good.
I just finished "Biting the Apple" and it was good.
Also "You can't SAY that to me" was excellent, about how to prevent and deal with verbal abuse.<p>There are more, but eventually you have to stop reading and put the ideas in practice!<p>
"Keeping your Man Monogamous" was ok, but not great.

Llama---<p>If you are looking for books to read for YOU...try Dr. Phil's "Life Strategies." It's his first book and it puts into perspective things YOU can do to change your life.<p>I think it will be especially helpful if you have read the relationship books you mentioned and the ones on your list.<p>Another good possibility is "The Truth About Love."<p>Happy reading...<p>E

Llama -- My only other piece of advice (in addition to the great books list that spacecase and others gave you)is to read something inspiring that HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AFFAIRS. I read all of these books and they helped tremendously, but it's also important to read something for you that is inspiring and uplifting that is completely different. I am currently reading My life in Africa by Jane Goodall along with re-reading many of the affair books. You need to remember that you are a person outside of this mess/the A and that life doesn't stop (although it seems that way sometimes).

Thanks everyone for the great book suggestions. I agree about taking a break from the "affair" books and read something just for me. I'm going to check out Dr. Phil's Life Strategies next.<p>Thanks again! Llama Hhugs!
Llama

something more light-heartened, but absolutely spot-on on the topic of communication between male / females: <p>"Why men cant listen and why women can't read maps"<p>a good laugh & v. insightful.