With my wife(WS) choosing to move out on or before July 1, I began to think about this. A lot of people have been asking me what is the current situation between myself and my wife. I didn't know how to answer that so I asked my wife what do I tell people. She says tell them we are "separated". With her saying that I began to wonder if there is any difference between being separated or divorced? The only thing that makes anyone think we are even still married is her having the same last name and us wearing are rings. I ask myself why I put on this ring every day when it doesn't mean anything to my wife. I think it is just me hoping but my wife seems to be taking that hope away everyday.
So now I sit here and listen to my wife say we are separated so it is ok for her to go do all these things she is doing. She says she is not going to sit around in her own place. So now I have to deal with her going out to bars, clubs, the beach, etc..with her friends and co-workers. So I ask why I am putting myself through this anymore. I need to cover up my wounds so she can't get the salt in them any more.<p>Anyone thoughts on separated versus divorce?

Separated is married.
Divorcing is married.
Divorced is not married.<p>Your wife is wrong in her actions, in her words, in her beliefs.<p>Succinct enough? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>If don't want to go through this anymore, getting a divorce is one of your options, but until you're legally divorced, you are married, and so is your wife.<p>[ June 10, 2002: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</p>

ditto Lor! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yep, there's a big diference in "separated" vs. "divorced".<p>If you are not divorced, you are married. Period.<p>She may not understand the difference, but then WS's think it's ok to sleep with OP while married. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] My ex thought the "marriage was over" the day he walked out. huh? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] maybe according HIM, but what about ME? God? The courts? <p>So, that brings up several other things for you to think about. Legally, spiritually, morally, you are still married. <p>Keep your feet grounded. You are still married. You love your wife, and promised for better or worse, right? Even if she doesn't feel that way, YOU do, right??? Keep that ring on... it means something to YOU.

As long as there is no divorce, act as if you are still married - no dating and such. Wait until a divorce is final (if it should get that far.) You will look back and thank yourself for not doing anything while married but separated.<p>So now I sit here and listen to my wife say we are separated so it is ok for her to go do all these things she is doing.
In her mind. Lots of people say lots of things but that doesn't mean they are all correct.

If separated means "permission" to do what ever you want, then what is divorce for? Why have it?<p>Your WS is following the script. Keep going to counseling. What is your counselor advising? Somewhere out there is the world's worst counselor - if anything you hear doesn't make sense, ask here about it.

Well the part I know that is going to happen sooner or later is that I will hear through the grape vine that someone saw my wife out at some club or bar hanging out. I know when women go to the clubs alone with a ring or not the men are like dogs in heat. I am a man and I know how men are. This is the part that I am not sure I will be able to handle. My wife(WS) says as long as she is now out screwing some other guy that she is respecting me and our marriage. NOT...
The counselor is telling me to stay busy to try and stay strong and the only option I have at this point is to file or not to file. I don't want to file at this point. It just is hard being treated like you are nobody to somebody who was your wife and took the same vows that you did.
I am going to keep wearing my ring and I still do love my wife. I clearly understand the difference betweeen being separated and being divorced. At this point I am scared that my wife doesn't.....

" My wife(WS) says as long as she is now out screwing some other guy that she is respecting me and our marriage. NOT... "<p>What BS. If this is the way she respects you and her marriage you should divorce her. She is on different wavelength. If you stick around you will be watching her play a role in Sex and the Big City. If she has this kind of mentality and moral values you are fooling yourself to think that she will suddenly miss you and change back to a loving faithful wife.

CG<p>Youre right, she probably doesnt think theres a difference, its either just a 'nice' way of trying to end it or a way for her to sit on the fence, have whats she wants wheneva she wants. Shes aware you'll always be there and knows how you feel about your vows, but shes serioisly deluded at the moment and wont see it as it really is until the fog lifts. Hang in there, youre on a journey similar to mine. Only you can determine how youre going to live out your vows, let her work it out herself by praying for her. Its going to be hard, but dont let her actions determine yours. Commit to your conviction and stick to it thru the highs and lows - there will be both.<p>Dancer