H and I had an absolutely wonderful long weekend alone together. We picked up our D on Sunday at her cousin's house, and on the way home, while she was asleep, H broke down crying and said that he had realized in the past 4 days how much he loves me and that he's always had what he needed to be happy but he was too stupid to see that. And that he wants to stay with me forever. He said he was sorry and that the A was his fault. This was great, because he hasn't acknowledged that before. And I know he was sincere, because he never cries.<p>Here's the catch. We kept talking. I didn't LB, and he didn't either. He did talk about OW and some of the reasons he thinks the A happened. He said he loves her and that he knows that the 2 of them can't be friends. He said he'd give her up for me, but that he'd be sad about it. I said I understood. Then, all the sudden, he changed his tune and it was like he was trying to talk me into sharing him with her. <p>I said that if it was share him or lose him, then I'd just have to lose him. That I wouldn't do that. This was the first time that I've really stood up for myself in all of this. I didn't do it hatefully, I just said that I would never consider sharing him. That he wouldn't share me or even consider doing so, so why would he expect me to do that. He kept pushing, saying "so you're choosing having nothing with me?" and kept saying, "If it's sharing or nothing!2C then)it'r nophing. 22 Sh he tmld)me tl*drkp)him*lff at a friend's on the way home. But when we got to the friend's house, he wanted me to take him home, supposedly to just get his vehicle. Then we got home, and he acted like he'd never said any of this. He held me for a long time after we went to bed. Then, he initiated sex. Yesterday, when he got home from work, he was very friendly. We had a good night. I didn't mention the whole thing.<p>Sunday nite, I was prepared to lose him. Now he's acting like he wants to stay.<p>Anybody have any clue what's going on?

Wow. Don't think I can give you insight but I think mine is in a similar frame. They want to keep or go back to the friendship stage of the A so that they can have both. The only problem is a the BS it is totally unacceptable for them to keep that intimacy they share. I had a similar conversation only mine was about trial separation to have a clean start (see jump in with both feet...)<p>Anyway I think yours sounds hopeful. I think ground rules are good but don't dwell on them. Take it for face value. Mine has cooled contact(he says) but his fear is what if our marriage doesn't work then he'll have nothing. He doesn't realize how hurtful the backup plan is.<p>Hang in there. Time alone was good.

Perhaps he did not previously believe you'd be prepared to lose him? Perhaps he thought you'd rather share him...
Stand firm on this; it may pay off for you.

RNROSCOE--Thanks...This conversation was the first time that H realized (or voiced) the fact that he knows that he can't be friends with OW. He said that it would kill both of them, due to the underlying attraction. Prior to this, he thought we could save our M and then he could just quit the A so that we could all be friends again. At least he realizes that's not realistic. However, he did say that he wishes that I could be friends with her, cuz that's what she wants (we were very close friends). He doesn't seem to understand why I can't do this. I'll bet he'd understand if our situations were reversed, but I've even presented it to him that way, and he still doesn't get it.<p>God forbid I hurt OW's feelings by not being her friend anymore...

Spacecase...I've thought about what you said. He has, in the past few weeks, made comments about that sometimes he thinks I'm just kissing his a** cuz I'm afraid to lose him. Do you think he might have been "testing" me? He acted really shocked when I said that I'd choose him leaving before I'd share him, like he couldn't believe I'd said it.<p>Then he acted shocked again, cuz he was sleeping when I got to the turnoff at the friend's house, and I woke him up and asked him if he wanted me to drop him off there. I think he thought that I would just go on home without waking him up. Or that I would fall apart and beg him to stay. I didn't say anything hateful, but I didn't back off and I didn't cry (that's a big thing for me). <p>I'm hoping that he'll see that I want his respect, not just him.

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