I'm dating a guy who has never been faithful in a relationship or marriage. He is a recovered alcoholic and is making a concerted effort to enrich his life. I want to continue the relationship but don't know whether people can really change. Is the once a cheater always a cheater philosophy true? Please advise.

I don't believe in the once a cheater always a cheater thing.<p>It's possible.......but EVERYONE can change......if they want to.<p>Guess what you need to decide is whether or not you're willing to take the chance of him cheating on you.<p>Everyone is capable of doing it....there is no one certain type of person that cheats.

I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater. I also believe that just because somebody had an addiction problem that doesn’t mean the person can never change. Many people have had serious issues in their lives and have managed to turn themselves around so it is possible. However I do believe that issues like this are very BIG negatives toward them. <p>My husband is an alcoholic. When I met him he was “recovering;” he swore he would never drink again. I wish that somebody had educated me about the disease. At the time I didn’t know anything about it, nobody told me that even if a person was not drinking at the time they would still have the same issues that they did while they were drinking. I wish somebody had told me that an alcoholic could fall off the wagon at any time. I wish somebody (like my parents) had made me go to an AA meeting so that I could have seen how bad things could get. Ask yourself, if this person had cancer would you be willing to pursue the relationship? Would you be willing to go thru whatever negative effects the cancer causes? Even if the person were in remission would you be willing to face the possibility of it reoccurring? If the answer is no think long and hard about getting involved with somebody who has had a problem with alcoholism; it’s a serious disease, just like cancer and can reoccur. <p>I think to it makes a big difference how long ago the cheating and drinking occurred. Has he had any serious long-term relationships where he hasn’t cheated on the significant other? How long has he been seeking to better himself? How long since he has not had a drink? Is he involved in AA or any other sort of preventative treatment? If he has only been making changes recently or since meeting you I would be very wary of continuing the relationship.

Thanks so much for your feedback.
Endevor, your analogy is interesting because my late husband was terminally ill when I married him. (I was in love w/ him before finding out how ill he was and never would have walked away.)
This guy I'm dating has NEVER had a relationship where he hasn't cheated, though he was a drinker most of the time. He seems to have a great head on his shoulders. He does actively participate in AA meetings and we attend church together. He's been recovering for about a year. We've been dating a couple of months. I didn't even pause at the alcoholism piece and have faith that he will have continued success, it's the infedelity that freaks me out. Miss Priss, I don't agree that everyone could cheat. I know w/ every fiber of my being that I never would. Mainly because I look at infedelity from a moral and health standpoint and would NEVER GO THERE.
I've had the opportunities and have walked away every time.

My point with that statement was to point out that everyone is capable of cheating....that there is no "certain" type of person that does it......be it an alchoholic....or what have you.<p>I think that most everyone that ends up having an A has morals...and they also know the health risks....but it happenes regardless.<p>IMHO on the other hand....never say never.<p>[ June 11, 2002: Message edited by: Miss Priss ]</p>