Hello all,<p>A lot has been on my mind lately and this is the only forum where I figure I can get decent feedback. My wife and I are very happy. We have moved to our new house and been living there for about a month now.<p>Things I would definately say are back to the way they were two years ago. A year ago my wife had a EA and PA with a collegue of mine from my place of employment. The OM use to sit 3 cubicles away from me. I say "used to" because this week our department moved floors and management reorganized everyone. Now I am at one end of the office and he is at the other so there is about 20 cubicles between ours. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyways, I took certain measures I needed to in order to aid in the demise of their relationship and the two of them have not had any contact with each other since. My wife has nothing but hate toward him now. She woke up to realize the destruction he had a part in causing between the two of us. She has also since realized that during her relationship with OM, that he held a lot of control over her.<p>My love for my wife has probably given me a biased opinion, probably making her out to be somewhat of a victim when she had a part in the development of the relationship as well.<p>Nevertheless, we are happy and things are the way they use to be except for the fact that I really don't take her for grantide any more and try to my best to meet her ENs. I have regained full trust in her, or so I think.<p>We have come to a point in our relationship where we would both like to have another baby. We have two boys and are trying for the girl we want, another boy would be fine too, don't get me wrong.
I'm all for this but recently, thoughts have been running through my head.<p>I just don't want to ever have to go through another A. Honestly, I truly take my vows seriously. I can honestly say that I would never consider having an affair on my wife. I just don't have the desire. Even when I was feeling my lowest last year and my wife had moved out to the OM appartment, my main focus was on trying to save our relationship, not having an A out of revenge. That's just not me. Hypothetically, if my wife suddenly was not in the picture, or I was suddenly widowed I wouldn't even go so far as to get remarried. For me my life is for her and her only no matter if she is here or in Heaven. That's how strongly I feel.<p>All these "what if's" have been running though my head on the eve of us beginning the exciting process of conception. I think what if she finds herself overwhelmed by staying home and caring for 3 children. (2 will be in school full time, the third will be the baby) What if she meets a stay at home Dad in our new area, which has a prodominately youthful population, young families and such, do I allow them to talk? What if an EA develops. What if for some reason I can't meet all of her emotional needs, even though I am trying very hard to do so.<p>I am sick and tired of reading threads involving couples where one person doesn't meet the emotional needs of the other and that consitutes grounds for an A. It doesn't. It is just wrong. There are so many people here that struggle to save their marriage while the WS continues to maintain the A with the OP, all while their children see all this behavior. Smarten up people. Your children are very good observers of this behavior and do not have the emotional maturity to understand what is right or wrong. They learn what they perceive to be right from other peoples behavior in their lives. If you have children and your WS continues to have an A or contact with the OP by allowing this you are simply proving to your children that this behavior is OK and the cycle continues.<p>OK, I am venting a little for whatever reason.<p>I should probably voice my concerns with my wife and get her reassurance, but I do not know how to bring it up. I don't want to come across as bringing up the past. It this point I am comfortable with what has happened with us. Any details would not result in an LB from me because, what happened has happened and there is nothing that can be done, so why LB? My wife ultimately came back to me and loves me, so I won in that regards. I should discuss this with her, but when and how do I bring it up? Thoughts anyone?

I've read two things written by Harley that apply here. All people are capable of having an affair given the right circumstances and to avoid an affair people should have a plan.<p>Perhaps you could bring it up to your wife as a joint discussion. What are the two of you going to do to avoid either of you ever having an affair in the future?<p>I know that you say you would not, could not ever have an affair. I'll bet my bottom dollar that you wife used to say that up until the time she had one. Use this as a reason why the two of you have to develop a plan. This way you are not pointing a finger at her. Instead you are discussing strengthening your marriage.<p>Some of the things that Harley recommends is that you two become each other’s recreational partners. Neither of you have any significant recreational activity that you do not do together. Neither of you can ever have a close friendship with anyone of he opposite sex. Neither of you are ever alone with anyone of he opposite sex.<p>I’m sure that the other good MB members could help you come up with a list of things for your plan.<p>One thing that strikes me about your story is that you have not really been in recovery all that long. It generally takes the BS 2-5 years to recover from the affair. Perhaps the reason you are having these triggers is that while you want another child you are not fully recovered. Is this too soon to add another child to the mix? You are right to worry about the strain a new one will add to an already stressed situation.