Well, I wrote this once and it was lost in computerland...so here we go again.<p>Hubby told me yesterday that XOM has a girlfriend. He's been on a couple of dates that everyone knows about and knowing XOM I'm sure he's been seeing her a while before going public. This is a big deal to our group since she will be his first real girlfriend.<p>I really didn't have any strong reactions to the news...I'm VERY glad to hear he's moving on. The thought of him stubbornly hanging on to the romantic notion that we were meant to be together was discomforting. It feels like this is one more positive step towards life moving on in the right direction.<p>It did bring back tons of thoughts and feelings again off and on throughout the day. I'll be very glad one day when this is all truly behind all of us. H has been extra lovey dovey...I think he feels more secure knowing XOM is moving on also. I've had a touch of the blues...but I'm hoping it will quickly pass so I can take advantage of hubbies "spunk".<p>Anyway, thanks for listening....just thought maybe writing it out might help.

I have written many a long posts on here and accidently hit the back button or close out of explorer and off my carefully (or haphazardly)worded words trail off into never-never land. I get so frustrated when that happens. My words never seem to flow as well the second time around.<p>Do you still have feelings for OM? I guess it is amazing how much an impact these A's have on a person's life. I bet you are glad that finally there is some closure on his side for the whole thing.<p>I hope it is true that this stuff fades completely away. However, I have a feeling that it never really disappears completely because it defines who we are and how strong we have become.<p>I do believe that it is very important to have trials like this in our lifes. Without these trials we would be unshaped and imature people. I believe that these trials brings bountiful rewards in a marriage (if the marriage makes it through the first few bumps) because through all of this, each spouse learns fullfill each others needs and be super romantic and super lovers (not just in a SF way).<p>I hope that you are able to feel better about this soon. You have made it a long way and your attitude and knowledge are admirable.

That's good news. As for the blues part, don't feel bad about it. You moved forward and so is he. That doesn't mean that you never meant anything. It's a good thing, really it is. <p>Yes, yes, take full advantage of hubby's spunk! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] Take care of yourself. I wish you the best.

Do I still have feeling for him? Well, I've known him as long as I've known my husband. He was a good friend to us both until this mess happend. I know I'll never NOT care about him, because he IS a wonderful person and WAS a wonderful friend. I would be happiest if one day enough water was under the bridge that if perchance we ran in to each other in our group of friends, it could be friendly and not awkward. Right now we all avoid group situations so as to avoid that possibility. I guess realistically in order for that to ever be possible...there would need to be MORE closure. My husband would need an apology and I think we all would need to extend forgiveness to each other. I just can't see that happening since both OM and H are conflict avoiders...but you never know I guess.<p>I know the trials of life are what help us to grow and learn as individuals...but we've just been through so damn many over these last 3 years. This June 3 was the 3 year anniversary of the tornado that took our home and catapulted this whole ordeal. I think that all the looking back just brings it back to life a bit and that's what gets me down. It really was awful...all of it.<p>But I know that grief, too, is a neccesary thing of life...so I'll let it be. It's such a beautiful day out...maybe we can picnic tonight. That's atleast ONE thing I've learned. When I feel bad I need to DO something...not just sit around and think about it.<p>Thanks Tutter...I know what you're saying. Honestly I'm NOT upset that he has a GF and I'm not worried about what it means I meant to him or him to me or anything like that. I'm REALLY RELIEVED! I just think it's just something I KNEW would come one day, and now it did....so I guess I need to grieve it too?

Continued success to you, h4f. Note I didn't say "continued good luck." Luck had nothing to do with it, it takes hard work and determination to be successful here.<p>I'll say it again, this forum could not sustain itself without folks like you and tutter.<p>Thanks for being here.<p>WAT

WAT - Thank you for that. It was really sweet. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

ditto Tutter [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It feels good to use my powers for good instead of evil [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

{{{H4F}}}<p>Love you!<p>P [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

H4F,<p>So glad that you re-typed. Good for you, I mean that you are moving on and letting go, and that you wish the same for him.<p>You are truly a good person and have worked very hard for what you have. I didn't know about the tornado, they are so devastating.<p>Best wishes for your and your husbands continued success!!<p>Take Care, Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm very glad to hear that you've got a good perspective about this news... sure, it's got to stir a few feelings, but your M is the best place to vent them...<p>It will be interesting to see how xOM does with this new GF... certainly we hope for the best... I'm hoping he's spent the time to grow and learn about everything that a good R takes to survive - and thrive!

It's funny you should mention that. I too hope for the best for him, but as in any relationship...it might not work out. If he's really grown and learned he'll realize that's just part of the process...but if not he could use it as "proof" in his mind that we were indeed meant to be. Until all of this he was a pretty level headed, very intelligent guy...and I know he went in to counseling and continued to read and learn...so I'll just hope for the best for him.<p>All things considered I think he's got a great chance at making it work if the other party is interested...because he knows WAAAY more about how to make a relationship going than do most individuals who are just starting out dating. I guess that's a perk of waiting until you're 31 to start dating??<p>Anyway...I'm feeling better. Going to grill out tonight and have a couple of daquiri's. It's a perfect night to eat outside...not too many bugs...nice breeze...not muggy. Thanks everyone for the pick me up!