As some of you have read, I asked my WH for a trial separation. He declined saying that it would send the message that our marriage was not recovering. Well, we have made baby steps but there is still contact and more than he is willing to admit to me therefore there is also many lies floating around. I explained to him that I thought that maybe if he didn't see me everyday, that he may find some redeeming qualities. I should also say that we do not have angry outburst or confrontations. He has a very bad temper so over the years, I have learned how to communicate without it acelerating into an arguement.<p>The general community is begining to know about the A. We live in a small town and the OWH is talking because they are getting a divorce. Our children are in the same activity so I see her often but I stay as far away from her as I can. I don't think I can take seeing him everyday anymore. He doesn't touch me anymore. He won't kiss me. He held my hand but that is it. I don't want to make him feel like he has to make a decission because I cannot control that but his presence know that he iss breaking our wedding vows on a daily basis is killing me. As someone suggeated, I lost him a long time ago so all he can see is my mistakes. He no longer sees me for me because at this point in time, the OW is so attractive a choice. I feel like I have nothing else to offer that will improve the odds that I will be the choice.<p>I want the marroage but I can't seem to be the strong woman I am with him there beating me down. He can lie and not even skip a beat! He lack of respect for my intelligence is getting to me. I am not stupid.<p>What to do? I've laid the ground work in the most nonthreatening way I know how. I'm not sure either way that he will be able to overcome his guilt and reunite with me. I think he would rather be alone. HELP.

RN,<p>You could probably insist that he leaves and get a court order if needed.<p>Go read up on Plan B and get your ducks in a row per say and perhaps start with Plan B.<p>I noticed your ages and length of your marriage and there are quite a few of us at about the same place in life. Someone shared this site with me and perhaps they have already done so with you but I found it very useful in understanding and dealing with my WH, didn't change him just made me chose differently how I choose to deal with him.<p>http://128.121.203.65/hismidlifecrisis.html<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

RNROSCOE,<p>I read your plea for help on my post and jotted some things down there, so read that part first.<p>IMHO:
You are not ready for the seperation which is a Plan B. You have quite a bit of work to do on you first. <p>Once you have set your boundaries you need to back off and really do a Plan A. It sounds like you are LB'ing left and right. Remember anything even the slightest bit negative is a LB. Do not spy right now, it will only hurt you. You know the A is going on and will not stop for a while so sit tight. You need to divorce your mind from him. Get to the point were you have faced reality and the reality is, he has given up on you. Once you can do this, then you can Plan A because you love him without LB'ing.<p>This is really tough. It was tough on me, but please try.