I was doing okay until this week. Things are the same as before so I don't know what changed in me. My WH said he is trying to break the ties with OW but it is hard. He loves me but he is unsure whether the damage he did will ever be repairable.<p>I asked for a trial separation to get my act together. I also thought that if we were apart maybe I may become more desirable. I also thought maybe he would spend more time with the OW and decide if in fact that is the course he wants to take. I want him to decide for himself not through any pressure. Even if it doesn't go my way. I want to have no regrets or doubts if he picks our marriage.<p>The thoughts of him with her after 4 months kills me. I am unable to cope even with an antidepressant. I don't know which way to turn.<p>Last night she was at the soccer field and actually stood behind my van not letting me leave laughing at me. I have come to the end of my humilation rope. I feel worthless and degraded. I am unable to function. I don't know how to make my WH understand that I can't take this constant in your face A. It seems now that I know, she is purposely finding ways to flaunt herself in front of me.<p>I have even thoguht of suicide but can't bear to do that to my children. I need help but don't know where to turn.

(((((RNROSCOE)))))
Don't have any help for you - just letting you know we care.<p>Your H must truly be in a deep fog to not see what the rest of the world is seeing in her actions. I hope he will come out of it soon.

RNR;<p>This is an awful situation, which requires action. If your H is not willing to do something about it immediately, I would consider Plan B. <p>Feeling for you.

I tried to get him to leave yesterday but he wouldn't go. He said he fears for me and he does not want to send a message to her that things are bad at home. I have told him that he must go or end the A. My kids are even encouraging me to get him out. They feel unbelievable stress.<p>One of our dearest friends, who brought the gossip to my attention, asked me. My WH had never discussed it with him. after seeing me and my deteriorated state he is going to try to convince him to leave for a while to find some resolve. H is backed into a corner, his W is physiclly ill and the OW is pressuring him for marriage. He won't leave me I believe to protect himself. He got that apartment and would use it.<p>I don't know how it will ever end. I am so distraught. I've lostt all the weight it has taken me 2 months to put back on. I am down to 93 lbs. again. I can't bear another hour much less a day.

RNRoscoe:
I really feel for you. If I knew you I'd give you a big hug, so as it is I can only offer an E-hug.<p>My wife's been having an affair for about 5 months. When I found out about 4 months ago what was happening I decided to stay (3 kids at home) and not kick her out either - om has terminal cancer and only has a few months to live and he had an ugly home and family life. To keep my sanity I started working out at the gym and running, dropped 22 lbs (abt 15pct), have firmed up and developed a pretty nice body (like in my mid 20's). I feel better physically than I have in a long time, and it gives me something to focus on other than THEM. I also spend more time with my kids, making sure they have some fun. And when the strong negative thoughts start to crowd in, I sometimes retreat to a private space for some tears, or I write in my journal. It helps a little to release the negatives. And I try to remember some really fun times we've shared and might again if I don't lose her to his perfect ghost fantasy that I fear will always be in her heart and soul.
Here are some more hugs for you, and I'm sending some love your way.

I really feel for you. I hope you can get him out of the house. I am in my second week of seperation and I feel much better. I am getting some peace, which I haven't had since before d-day. Unfortanatly I think I am headed for plan D, because I don't think I will want my WW when she tries to come back, which I am confident she will, she's already starting to show signs of how much she misses me. I just feel I deserve better. I wasn't a perfect husband, but I wasn't terrible either and I will make somebody happy. Someone who wants to work through marital striff not use it as an excuse to run off with someone else. That's just me though. I'm just venting a little too. Take care.

Ptash
I feel for you. I am so afraid that the only reason he will stay is for the kids and I am scared to death to be the consilation prize because he knows his kids will never accept her. So it is no one and kids, her and no kids or me and kids. I don't think he is liking his choices.<p>Still can't believe it
I have slowly come to terms with the fact that my pain may also be self induced. How could I possible still love a man who shows total disregard for me? His best friend is more concerned about me than he his. How could I love a man who would chose such a vengeful OW? Maybe I am not what he ever wanted.<p>I really wanted him to move out so that he could see me clearer and I him. Maybe a 20 year run is long enough? Maybe we both deserve to be happy but not with each other? <p>I don't know where to turn or what to do? I feel so alone because my friends although very supportive cannot truely understand my hurt for what I have done (I still was a good wife), what is happening to my children's world and the true torment of a husband that no longer feels love for his wife.

I think it is time to move to plan-b. If you feel degraded and humiliated just remember they should feel that way. Do you have anywhere to go so it isn't in your face all the time?
You are also lucky to have the respect and support of your kids. Focus on them and on being happy. Like my Doctor says, show them what they will be missing. You are justified in being hurt, what OW is doing and the fact that WH isn't putting a stop to it is wrong.
You can still love him, maybe you just need to do it from afar. Where you are safe and protected. Get a good support system going. Surround yourself with people to boost you that you can rely on. Just remember you aren't alone.
That's what gets me through.
Hugs to you!
Layli

Just an update for all of you who helped me through a difficult time.<p>WH has still not left. He has been very affectionate and attentive this weekend. We were with our daughters all weekend and no sign of OW. It was relaxing because I did not have to worry about contact but the minute I stepped in my house, the insecurity and doubt started.<p>WS avoided attempt made by our friend to go out and talk. H took me out to dinner instead but I think I was an excuse because he knows what's coming or he still has OW influence(he use to go out for a beer all the time but OW doesn't approve of alcohol consumption so...). Friend said he will catch him tonight and try to convince him to leave for a while to decide which way to go.<p>Every day I get more confused. I love him but not if he can't end the affair. He has to commit or I will never build trust. This can't go on much longer. My health is deteriorating by the day. Although I eat plenty, the stress burns it up. <p>This is truely about me and wheither he has waited to long to end it. I'm not sure we will work it out unless I can be sure it is me that he wants.<p>Any thoughts are appreciated. Don't see counselor until next week. He is encouraging me to get some space. He considers this tolerate behavior abuse and that it will take its toll. I am seeing his point although I think we have made progress.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how painful it is having been there myself. Fortunately my FWH was not as destructive as yours is. <p>Yes you need Plan B. Try to get counseling with the Harleys if possible.<p>You could also consider leaving temporarily yourself. I don't know what others would say. Tell your H you need a week by yourself to try to rest and build up some weight and strength. Then leave him at home with the kids.

I wish he would leave but I don't want him to leave. I have asked him several times but he does not want to. I know he is trying to break things off but the thought of them is killing me. I want space but am affraid he will leave and never come back. I only hope our friend can make him see that we may need to be apart.<p>I don't feel strong enough to force the issue either way. I think he knows that and is using it to his advantage. He truely thinks that no one but our immediate family knows what is going on. I feel so humiliated that my childrens friends know and they think I am being used.<p>I am blinded by the wonderful weekend we had. I know it could change overnight and will if he feels threatened by our friend. He will get ugly. I don't know if I am prepared for that.<p>Say little prayers for me. I hope this talk is not a mistake. <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" />

I love busted but it felt good. You can mess with me but not with my kids.<p>My older daughter is a referee and she was doing a game. A little girl on one of the teams came up to her and asked her if that man was her daddy(WH). She said yes and the little girl(about 6 )said I saw your mommy and daddy eating lunch today. Guess what? I didn't eat lunch yesterday. And if that wasn't bad enough her byfriend saw him too! My D was so upset. She dislikes OW and has even before the A. I could not hold my tongue. I asked him how do you think that makes your daughter feel. He was visibly shaken and I could have said nothing but I couldn't let it go. He needed that big dose of reality that his little A is not so secret anymore. I know it was a LB but wake up and smell the coffee. I know, I know it did not help the marriage. Hurt me but don't hurt my kids!<p>Of course he said she called him and he couldn't say no and that they only meet twice a week and blah, blah.<p>I never brought it up the rest of the night but I also think that one of his friend got him and confronted him about all the rumors. He literally looked sick by the time he got home. Another day with more of the same. I guess I have no choice but to wait it out. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]