Well seven months this has been going on with me and my wife(WS). I have been Plan A'ing for a long time. My wife is making arrangements to move out by the end of the month. I have been put through a lot, another man, wife smoking pot with co-workers, her going out drinking after work,lies, cheating, etc...
Well last night she called on my voice mail at 6:40 p.m. and said she was going out after work to "Champs" a sportsbar with some coworkers to watch the Redwings play. First my wife has never been a sports person and willing to watch it. Second she has never watched hockey ever before. So I didn't call her back or anything I just let her be. We are living in separate rooms for awhile now but I can tell when she comes home. Last night I laid down at eleven and couldn't sleep. Thoughts of my wife smoking pot, doing other guys, etc. was going through my head. So I laid in bed for a couple of hours and no sign of my so called wife. Well finally I got to sleep and I woke up in the morning and guess who wasn't home? You got it. She came home when I was about to leave for work. I just asked late night and she said yeah I drank too much. I told her along time ago to respect me and to quit doing this crap. Before it was her spending the night at some male co-workers place. Last night she said she spent the night at some girls house. Personally I think she smoked pot after the game at a male co-workers house witht the group and then spent the night there. I am not saying she did anything with a guy but that is what I think. So here is the email I sent to her. What do you think? I am tired of being pissed on...<p>-----
Jane (Wife) I don't think with what you did last night in any way is respecting any of what little we have left in our marriage. Can you do that kind of stuff when I am no longer married in any way to you. This is based upon not coming home at all last night. You may see it as oh there is nothing wrong with what I did. Well I would disagree because I think that it very disrespectful to me and our so called marriage. If you want to make a mockery of our marriage then if you can do this when we are no longer legally associated with each other. For me to not lay up at night and not worry about where or what you are doing all night is just crazy to think that. Especially with what I have been dealt in the past seven months. If this is the person you want to become in life with doing this well you need to do that without me around. You have never been one to go out and watch a sporting event such as hockey. The person you are becoming is something that myself as well as lot of people don't see as you, being you. I have asked this time and time again give me the respect that I deserve and stop making a mockery of me. I have asked for the respect for the last time. You will be the one at this point that determines how and where you want my feelings for you to go.
----<p>I know I LB'ed big time but the last straw broke the camels back. I am just tired of what she is doing and how it reflects upon me.
Any thoughts??? The email has been sent and it is done. Yeah I feel back because I know I LB'ed. But at the same time I feel good for saying what I had to say. I am tired of being the nice person and Plan A'ing my butt off and just seeing this crap.

CG:<p>Well, since the email is out, there's not much to say.<p>Question, though: Do you want to try at all? Seems like you still love your W, and that your plan A isn't quite honed to "perfection" yet. If you're ready to move to plan B, that email wasn't the right thing to send as a plan B letter. If one of you were to split now, the memory of the email would be the last thing in her mind and would affect how or whether she wanted to reconcile with you.<p>I would stay in plan A and try to do a better job of it, which is to work on YOU and forget about what she may or may not be doing. THEN, write a GOOD plan B letter if you have to and go to plan B.<p>Good luck to you.

Here is my wife(WS) response to my email...<p>---
I understand that you are upset that I did not come home until this morning. I am upset with myself that it happened, but honestly, I had too much to drink so Beth had me stay the night at her place so I wouldn't drive. You have a total right to be angry about that, and I really don't have any excuses except that I drank heavy. I don't think that I'm making a mockery of our marriage, but I could certainly understand how you would think so. I apologize and I feel bad. I really don't know what else to say.
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She says she is disappointed but why does she keep doing this crap? Is this being in the fog or part of life for me now??

CG:<p>How old is your W? Reason I ask this is that I noticed myself over the past 3 or 4 years that getting that drunk with friends is not only not all that much fun anymore, it's downright uncomfortable trying to sleep at night afterwards. I'm 49 now, my W's 47. She did what your W's doing a few times after D-day while out of town with coworkers. One time was when I came up to meet her and go out in the field with her. She was hungover and feeling pretty sick. She kept saying how much fun she had when she was in front of her coworkers, but when they left for the field and she didn't (took a nap back in her room before going out), she told me the truth - same observation as I said about me above. <p>Since then, she hasn't done that much drinking, and neither have I. I still am a big fan of the amber nectar, but I drink it far less often and never to excess anymore.<p>Work with your W on this one. Sounds like she feels remorse for your reaction to what she did, and that could be a good sign. Don't be demanding, try to be understanding, and let her decide what she wants to do with her life. Hopefully, she'll decide to spend more time alone with you rather than at parties with shallow friends, noise and smoke. But let it be her decision, because it will be more meaningful in the long run if it is.<p>all my best to you and your W,