I thought today was looking up. This morning, I intitiated some lovemaking and it was amazing. <p>We went to our oldest son's kindergarten graduation, and he was upset when he saw the date that some pictures were taken on our digital camera (pictures of me and the kids). Soured my mood unfortunately, bringing the A up in a round about sense.<p>When we got home he was called into work, no biggie to me, at least he was able to see the graduation. He called from work as he was leaving tonite to come home. He brought up that I had agreed in the past (maybe a few weeks ago) to do a polygraph test. I agreed to it with hesitation. I am really not comfortable with the idea. My fear is that I'll tell the truth and I'll be so nervous the thing will blip and register as a lie. I hate the idea that a test like that could end my marriage, beyond what my affairs already have.<p>We agreed to POJA. Do we go against this (I'm sure as heck not enthusiastic about this) to help him? I admit, I dislike the idea of being pushed into something I'm not comfortable with, but do I really have any right to that now?<p>Just something tearing me up tonite that I could really use some help with. Anyone else ever use a polygraph test to help them?

Well, Lisa, I'm on the opposite side of this, but I share your fears should I ever be hooked up to one of those things. I've wanted a lie detector test since I was first diagnosed with an STD only 2 years into the M. All these years, we've each accused the other of being the source. I've had no other partners whatsoever since I met my H, but I still wonder if I would be so nervous I'd look guilty, too! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But at this point, it's a risk I'm willing to take because I'll never believe my H about anything without it. If your H is where I am emotionally, it may be the only hope. I'm ready to throw in the towel, and it will take something major like a lie detector test to prove that he hasn't been lying to me for 9 years. I'm afraid I wouldn't even believe it if he DID pass one.<p>I think you two just need to keep negotiating about it and brainstorming until you find something you both feel comfortable with. Maybe talking with an examiner about the reliability and accuracy no matter how nervous you are would help you feel better about it; understanding the mechanism of it may help you feel less threatened by it. I do think it would go a long way to help your H feel safe if it is accurate.

Hi, I'm still new here but I would like to comment on this one. I think this could be a bad idea. Only because you DON'T want to do it. I understand where you are right now. I'm in the same situation kinda. Feeling like you must submit to all of your spouces requests even if you feel strongly against it. I had a similar situation when my W asked me to get rid of something. I was very uncomfortable with her request but I reluctantly agreed. I obsessed over it all day. Later that night I expressed my true feelings about the matter. She agreed with me.
My point is this honesty thing has to work both ways now. Don't do something that will make you resent him.

Lisa,<p>I agree that a polygraph is a bit extreme, however, some of the crap that WS' pull is even more extreme. And you did agree to it. To back out now might cause MORE alarm and more damage than your discomfort. It might make HIM feel enormous discomfort and he has probably already suffered enough, hasn't he? <p>I don't know your story but I would like to offer up a different perspective. While polygraphs are certainly not 100% accurate [nothing is], they are often a very effective method of EXONERATING the innocent. Police use them all the time to eliminate suspects. I think if you look at it that way, you might have a little more enthusiasm about it. Just think, you have an opportunity to clear your name!<p>[ June 15, 2002: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</p>

I hardly ever post here anymore, however I have experience in this area that may help.<p>I have worked in law enforcment for the past 6 years and have taken several polygraphs. My first experience was when I was going through the hiring process with the first police deptartment I worked for. I took the test and out of 10 basic questions (they asked the same 10 questions in different orders and worded differently about 4 times each), Out of the 10 basic questions, I only was shown to be truthfull on 1 basic questions. So with the results of the test I was dropped out of the hiring process. I went to the police dept. and requested a retest and explained that I did not lie at all on the test, after some convincing and nearly begging, I was allowed to retest if I paid for it. I retested and the second time I only was shown to be untruthfull in 3 out of the same 10 basic questions, and the funny thing is, the only one I passed the first time I failed the second. The inconsistancy in my testing convinced the department to give me the benifit of the doubt and hired me.<p>So in my experience I don't believe that polygraph tests are acurate, they can be beaten by some who do lie on them and others can falsly fail a test. The Poligraphers will swear by them (they make a lot of money so of course they stand behind their product) but there is a reason they aren't allowed as evadence in court. The truth about a polygraph test is it doesn't measure wheather you lie or not, it measures your breathing and blood preasure and heart rate during questioning, and the poligrapher decides if your heart rate or blood pressure or breathing are adnormal during a certain question. So it really measures stress and if you tend to feel a great deal of stress when someone askes you about your past then you will be more likely to fail.<p>I have thought about having my W take a test and she has offered to take one but I think the money would be more wisely spent on counseling.<p>My suggestion is to find it in your heart to be completly honest with your husband with what he needs to know and don't bet your marriage on a machine. Or if you do decide to do it, have your husband take one as well with the same questions, and possibly ask some questions that the two of you know is true or untrue and see if you can beat the machine, of course don't tell the poligrapher what your doing this could show that the machine isn't all that accurate.<p>Ok now that i have made this long enough [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I hope I helped