I have a question that maybe some of you can help to answer.<p>There are a couple of coworkers that I'm pretty sure are having an EMA. I like both of them a lot. One is married, the other divorced (was a BS). They both know a little of what I've been going through. The divorced person has said that they'd never get involved with a married person (but we all know how it can just happen).<p>What on Earth do I do? To I tell, do I ask, or do I just keep my big nose in my own business?<p>Thanks,
K

I am not sure.
I can see your concern and worry.. But you know I was warned many times, that we seems to close and be careful, But I ignored it all.
I dont know how close you are to them, but if you are more close to one than the other, maybe you could let them know how easily these things happen and just share that you dont want to see any one hurt. AND ALL INVOLVED DO GET HURT IN THE END.<p>[ June 17, 2002: Message edited by: mom of five ]</p>

Hello,
While I was trying to get out of my fog and end my A one of my co-workers was thinking about starting one. I pushed her and got info about her home relationship . (She knew what I was going through and how unhapy I was.) Every chance I could I told her why it was a bad idea. I listened to her as well, as she needed someone to talk to. But then I would take what she said and make her see it in a different light. I told her it will be the worst thing you can do to yourself AND your family. She did listen and ask questions and still had an A. Afterwards she came to me and said, "you were right!". She and her H went through divorce proceedings, physically seperated, put their kids through hell, and eventually got back together.
So I guess you should determine what is important to you? The possible cost of their friendship for "interfereing", of knowing that you may be the answer that one of them is looking for. As we all know on these boards, it helps to have someone to talk to that knows how it feels.
Just be careful to not let your anger towards your WS be directed towards them.
My two cents...

I was on the very same spot not that along ago too.<p>One of my H's co-workers started to talk to an old high school flame. He told us one day that this exgf of his had contacted him and what did we think about it. My husband laughed in a bitter way and said:<p>"Listen to me M, no matter what you do, remember and mark my words... That girl will only bring you trouble. It will turn your world upside down, and you will loose all that is dear to you"<p>It sounded very bad, and M tried to laugh it off. Well, guess what, once he quit, I had to go through his machine and clean it up. (We work for the state and any use of e-mail or internet for personal use could cause you to be fired. We also got complete access to work e-mail.). There were tirades of e-mails from his now OW and him, pages and pages. In a start I thought I wouldn't even read it, I'd just delete it, but then I thought about his wife, his daughter, and his newborn son (whom his wife was pregnant with while the A burned hot). <p>I saved it into a floppy, and then I had doubts, maybe the OW wasn't the OW, maybe it was his wife, and if I gave it to her she'd just be mad at me for "snooping" into their private conversations. (There were no names on the e-mails from the OW, so I didn't really know).<p>I swept over the letters, and then found a couple of them. One of this guy to his w, telling her how incompetent as a mother she was, how he was tired of her complaining about him spending money on useless junk on e-bay and not buying diapers for the baby etc etc.<p>The W answered trying to not LB, a sweet letter telling him very respectfully to remember they had 2 kids and several mortages, and to please snap out of his "I want to be a college guy again" mode.<p>The abuse that he used on his reply was so awful it made me want to slap him untill his eyes popped out of the sockets. He called her incredible names, told her she was boring, old, and that he didn't know what she wanted appart from making him miserable. Typical WS fog.<p>Now I knew this woman, I had held her kids, seen her work late to pay all kinds of stupid trinkets her H brought every month. I could see her getting more and more tired, and this guy would come in the office, sit, eat hamburguers (when his W had already made dinner for him, everyday), buy video games, cell phones, and talk with this OW hours and hours, planning trips to see her, spending his baby's milk money in airplane tickets to go have sex with OW. It made me sick to not end.<p>My H was the one springing into action, we looked through our contact books to find her phone number, to no avail, they moved shortly after my H had to fire her H for not comming to work, weeks at a time. Turns out that when he didn't come to work he was with OW, telling his W he was in a business trip, and telling my H to please not fire him because his W's grandmom was sick and he had to be there for her. GAG.<p>I think this long winded reply answers it all. You should talk to them. They will not listen more likely, but at least you can hold to the hope one of them will reflect before doing this sick kind of thing.

Kev,
Hope you are hangin in there, my man!<p>When you aks if you should tell; I assume you mean the respective people's spouse or signifcant other. That is, the BS in our lingo.<p>I know I would really appreciate it if someone knew things if they had the courage to tell me, even if anonoymously. I know it can be extremely difficult & you have to be careful with the politics, particularily if person or people are above you.
From a Christian point of view, I could see where some would say leave it alone, God will let the offended person know in time. I for one, feel God may want us to be honest with ourselves and our conscience. As a Christien I feel we have some responsilties to promote what is good and discouarge what is bad. I think the Golden Rule may apply here as well. I would not feel comfortable making it my personal mission to see it to the end in a vindictive way, but I feel it would be justified for you to inform the other parties of your suspsions and you don't wnat to wreck relationships, but if it were you, you would want to know!
You know it will probablly only validate feelings of suspsions any way.
Peace to you!
HH

I certainly wish that one of my H's friends would have told me about his A with a married woman, but then it seems that they were all having them... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have cut off all contact with our ex-military friends because of this, it seems they all knew about each others A's but because of their "HONOR" they kept quiet. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Kevco, reading your post and everyone's wise replies, I keep seeing a mental image of two people out to sea drowning--you have the life preserver.<p>Go for it because you care. It might be dangerous territory but what if your concern makes them turn back on the safe path? You might just make a difference--at least in one of their lives. You might just save a M.<p>God knows I wanted someone to tell on me when I was up to no good. It was strange--I think the Lord even sent angels to tell me how important my family was and still I persisted until finally everything came together and the light began to shine through my fog.<p>It's scary--no one wants to interfere but people who have endured the agony of M have an intuition when two people are bordering on the edge of deceit's compelling compromise. <p>I hope these people will see that you truly care and make the right choice.

I also wish someone at H's work would have said something to me. Ow called him several times a day at work. they all know my voice and must have suspected something.
BH

[img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Oops! I meant people who have endured the agony of an Affair..NOT a Marriage...how embarrassing that I don't know how to edit--especially here!!

Tell.. I have extreme anger at my h's coworkers for not stopping what they saw right before their eyes.. happening to me and my family.<p>please help end it sooner than later.. tell the bs.. tell the ws you are onto them... tell the op... you are onto them... tell their supervisors... perhps they will get fired... In my book this is what they desrve. it might actually save a family.<p>honey

Speaking of telling/ not telling co workers, hows Kevco doing?

Yeah, I'm also wondering about kevco!?!<p>Regarding your coworkers, I wouldn't say anything... Just pray that God would help them work themselves out of the tangled web they weaved...

Hey all, I'm not ignoring you.... I'm only avoiding the question.<p>I'm hoping that maybe it's just that my meds are acting up a little and my perceptions are off. (head in the sand?? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>I talked a little with the one who knows the most about my situation and they SEEM to at least say the right things regarding this whole tangled mess ('course, wouldn't they?). Anyway, I'm going to let it lay a while and not fret just now.... I have enough problems of my own without interfering with any one else's (for now).<p>About me? I've been pretty down for the last couple of days (only thing I can think of is the meds), but I had IC last night and it helped.... plus my beautiful wife called to chit chat.<p>That's all for now, later.
K

Kev,
Many of know your story and wonder about you. We know we can't help directly, but we care. Remember that we care. We still hope the best for you. <p>SS