I realize it varies greatly, but how long does it typically take for the pangs of withdrawl to fade. I have no contact with my female friend, and I am really working on my marriage, which is very good now. I told me wife what I missed -- the romance -- and told her to list things that I could do that would be more romantic for her. Sex life is excellent.<p>And yet I find myself thinking about my friend -- sometimes every other hour. Intellectually I know she is not the woman I would choose to be with, that it was me giving her far more of my love than her doing the same to me, all those things. And yet I miss her.<p>Any advice from those who have been in this spot before?

In my experience, and those I've read about... if there was an emotional connection (not a one night stand - ONS, for example) the rule of thumb is:<p>As long as the affair lasted.<p>So for me, it was approximately 3 months... and then the remorse set in. Be prepared for that. I wanted to die.

How long has it been since last contact?
Withdrawal can take several months. The Harleys say it can even last six.

Things that can impact withdrawal:<p>When was the last time you had any contact with the OW (sight or sound)?<p>How long has it been since you told your wife the truth?<p>Do you still retain any momentos or objects of affection from her? Are there triggers that you have yet to remove from your life?<p>[ June 17, 2002: Message edited by: Mr. Bunky ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by new_beginning:
<strong>In my experience, and those I've read about... if there was an emotional connection (not a one night stand - ONS, for example) the rule of thumb is:<p>As long as the affair lasted.<p>So for me, it was approximately 3 months... and then the remorse set in. Be prepared for that. I wanted to die.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Holy HELL. I heard 6 months.

Well I'd have to say... 2 years, for a one night stand, kind of weird EA.<p>Yup, 2 years, still don't know what I was on to stand that, but I sure aint taking no anti-d's and at least now I don't feel like throwing myself from a 100 store building [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

I have not had any personal contact with my friend for almost three weeks. I have talked with her on the phone a couple times for business-related matters -- no exchange of feelings the way I used to.<p>Certain songs can trigger memories. I struggle with a couple feelings: What is lacking within me that caused me to believe that my friend could fill that void? And, at the same time, a feeling that it could have been so great had we really emotionally bonded.<p>I waver between fantasy and reality. It is clear that something is lacking in me, and that it has nothing to do with this woman because I truthfully don't know here all that well, and given what I do know there are many qualities that I do not like. But she had a hold over my heart like nothing I have experienced.<p>I have been working at really focusing on my marriage and wife, but sometimes I feel sad over the loss of something that seemed so special. I know this is unrealistic, but as I read the posts from the people dealing with the fallout from an affair I tell myself that that would not have happened to me. It is unrealistic, but I have this fantasy that mine would have been somehow special.

MMsa,
I have heard that it can take as long to get over the person as you were involved with the person.
For me, I tried to stop seeing the OM in earnest over a year ago when I changed jobs...it's now been 2 months since we had any contact. I still think of him and miss him. But it's not as bad as it use to be...though it is much harder for me when my H is away and he's been gone since Friday and won't be home till Wed. night...<p>Have you asked the OW to not contact you ever again?