How do I get the other woman out of our lives? She keeps calling him to make sure he's OK. (Yeah right.) He says he wants the relationship just to die on the vine. But that kills me and doesn't get us to the point of recovery. With every phone call, I'm back to being in a bad place.<p>Some may say I'm in an OK place because he doesn't answer his cell phone when he knows she's calling. But one of these days she'll call him at work or disguise her phone number.<p>I want him to be angry every time she calls. But he's not. He did give up their relationship to make it work with us. But it's very upsetting to know that she is waiting for him. I just don't feel he's convinced her that he doesn't want to be with her. Why else would she still be around? Unless...<p>Basically, he doesn't want to confront her again and end it. (We did a very short goodbye letter to her, but I guess it wasn't good enough. She followed up with a letter of her own, saying she would take him anyway possible. The friendship/connection is that important to her.) Should he confront her again to try to make her go away again? Or is he right that it should slowly die. I want her out NOW. But I also don't want them to talk again. What do I do? I'm not thinking rationally.

Orchid goes through the same kinds of things occasionally with the OW in their lives... an OW with energizer batteries that won't quit. Maybe she'll pop in here with some words of wisdom.<p>DO you have caller-ID? Don't answer the calls. Is she calling your H directly to a cell phone when you are not around? <p>THe biggest pests even get the hint after being ignored for a while.<p>I hope your H can give you reassurance that he ever DOES answer (like at work) that he will hang up.

Hi, <p>Well I'm Orchid and Faith is right. It does still happen and H has been home for over 1 year and actually stopped contact with the OW for 2 1/2 months. arrrrgh......... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>How to handle? Well I'd like to share with you something interesting. Sit back and I'll tell you a story. LOL! <p>I just asked my H (who is presently at home) to read your post. He asked if I wrote it. I said no and asked what he thought your H should do, He pretty much said, no matter what he does if she wants to still keep calling she will. He basically needs to ignore her. He said it gave him a headache to think about this kind of stuff (no wonder..... his cell just got 2 calls from PBR last Friday night). H hung up on her twice. (I dubbed her psyco babble rabbit). Each name duly earned!!! <p>I then asked H what you should do. He said he did not know. But I do. You need to take every precaution to prevent her methods of contact. Block her e-mail addy. Change phone #s, get caller id, privacy manager and check with your local police dept to see what your options are. <p>Your H has to own up to his share and keep you informed. Also it is helpful if you both are practicing radical honesty. Read up about that in the basic concepts section. <p>What have you read from here? <p>take care,
L.

I, too am a BS(d-day almost a year ago). We changed all our phone numbers(the home phone # is now unlisted). We also changed our email addresses. If the OW has tried to contact us, she hasn't been able too!!!

I agree, change your phone numbers. Make them unlisted. If she gets it you will know that he provided it for her. Be sure that no one else who knows her gets your new number. This is tough and an invasion but a much better alternative to having these calls. I am a WS (formerly) and the OWH was calling my wife. We came close to the number change but a no contact letter and apology from me (wife signing it) has worked for over a month. Good luck!

Yes, I agree, change the number(s) and pay the fee to have them remain unlisted. If the phone company is aware that you have been receiving harrassing phone calls, they will even change the number(s) for free the first request... It's a bit of a hassle, you know, giving out new number(s) to all your friends and family members, but definitely worth it for your peace of mind!

It may be a tough sell to get him to change his cell phone number. I don't think he is at that point yet. He truly believes that she just wants to check up on him, as a friend. And he probably doesn't want to inconvenience himself.<p>Changing the work phone really is not an option. That would be dragging his employer into this mess and I KNOW he won't do that. So if she calls him there, does he just hang up on her? <p>He doesn't want to hurt HER anymore than he has. So he may see changing his number and hanging up on her as hurting her. And I have tried to explain that by not hurting HER, he is hurting ME, but he doesn't get it.<p>I will talk with the cell phone company about blocking HER numbers (what happens when she disguises it, I don't know.) But would it be bad of me to block it without telling him?<p>Thanks so much. It is so helpful to know that this isn't just happening to me.

It may be a tough sell to get him to change his cell phone number. I don't think he is at that point yet. He truly believes that she just wants to check up on him, as a friend. And he probably doesn't want to inconvenience himself.<p>Changing the work phone really is not an option. That would be dragging his employer into this mess and I KNOW he won't do that. So if she calls him there, does he just hang up on her? <p>He doesn't want to hurt HER anymore than he has. So he may see changing his number and hanging up on her as hurting her. And I have tried to explain that by not hurting HER, he is hurting ME, but he doesn't get it.<p>I will talk with the cell phone company about blocking HER numbers (what happens when she disguises it, I don't know.) But would it be bad of me to block it without telling him?<p>Thanks so much. It is so helpful to know that this isn't just happening to me.

Whoa!!!! Doesn't want to hurt her!?! OMG, what about you and how hurt you are? Who's more important? What's more important. Tell him to give his head a shake and change all the numbers that you can!