He is doing it again. Three of the kids are spending the weekend at the OW's again, and my 7 year old just called to say goodnight. My son had spontaneously assured me before he left that he would call before the 7 and 3 year olds went to bed, so I could say goodnight to both of them. When I asked to speak to the little one, the OW told my 7 year old that my H was trying to get her to sleep. I have several problems with this, and I would like advice on how to handle it.<BR>1) It was two hours before the 3 year old's normal bedtime. She has always stayed up late, as did all of our little ones until they were old enough to talk fluently, usually around 3, but she is speech delayed. I reminded my H of her bedtime before he took her, and explained why it was more convenient for me to have her sleep late in the morning, because there are things I need to do in the morning and it is nice to have her asleep. He said, "Well, it sucks for me." He never had a problem with the little kids late bedtime while he was living here.<BR>2) Neither of us believe in letting them cry themselves to sleep, and now he not only lets her cry (with him in the room, thank goodness), but according to the 7 year old, yelled at her to go to sleep last time.<BR>3) It's not like he is going to go to bed at 8, or even looking forward to time alone with the OW, because at least one of her kids is there and my 9 and 13 year old stay awake for at least a couple hours after that.<BR>3) The point of the phone call was so I could say goodnight to all of them. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I suppose my 7 year old might not have mentioned it earlier, and my 13 year old had gone somewhere with her 11 year old, but I feel like they are trying to keep me from talking to her. <P>The only possible reason I can imagine for him wanting to put her to bed that early would be so that she doesn't wake up our 7 year old when she goes to bed, since at the OW's house they stuff all three girls into her son's bedroom, and make him sleep somewhere else. Here that is not an issue, since they sleep in different bedrooms. The only solution I can think of is to change my 7 year olds bedtime to an hour or two later, which isn't too much of a problem since she is homeschooled. I don't know if that would satisfy him, or if she has gotten the idea into his head that little children are "supposed" to go to bed at a certain time. She lets her 11 year old stay up till 11 - I don't know why they are doing this to the three year old, unless it is just to get back at me for asking him not to.

Hi Nellie,<P>I am so sorry this is happening to you again.<BR>I have no idea what your h is trying to do. <BR>Children need structure and routine, especially the 3yr old. He is doing alt more damage here than meets the eye.<BR>Does he get up early? It makes no sense to me.<BR>I really don't know what to say. I am struggling with how to handle the children to. It seems to me that they are the ones that are truly suffering here.<BR>Has he made any more attempts at D? Do you have an arragement throught the courts? Maybe you should look into this. I feel so bad for you. You are being so strong and brave. I will say a prayer for you.<BR>Take care,<P>Cheryl

There is nothing much you can do, but I really know what you are going through. At times like these, no matter what you try to do in terms of what is best for your children, your husband is not really thinking about what is best for them....make sure you document everything and perhaps this can be used to set some hard and fast arraqngements.<BR>I am going through a real hard time in terms of my 13 and 15 year old. My ex2b ignores weekend schedules and takes them when he feels like it. I have got to the point of tellinjg them to do what is comfortable for them...ie I cannot be the one to say no...and he never lets me know what time they are to be home...ignores scheduled dropoff times etc. It is so hard to try to let your h know that what you want is routine for the kids who are already going through a hard enough time....but all you can do is keep the routine when they are with you.<BR>Good luck to you

My 13 year old decided to tell them that I wanted the 3 year old to stay up later. I was thinking tonight about one of the few occasions when one of our kids cried at bedtime for a few minutes - we had company and my H seemed somewhat embarrassed and berated me afterwards, saying that I should have let him stay up later since he didn't seem tired to him. I felt like he thought I was a terrible mother, yet now once again he is doing something completely out of character. My H and the OW told our son that "she was old enough to have a bedtime". Putting her to bed that early benefits absolutely no one - it is long before they go to bed. Her 11 year old doesn't have a bedtime, and mine did when they were that age. Am I being paranoid thinking that they are doing this to my 3 year old to hurt me?<P><p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited September 12, 1999).]