My wife and I have known each other 16 years and been married for 11 years. We have 3 great kids. Recently she got involved with a guy through the internet. They Emailed and talked for three months each planning to leave their spouse. Finally she broke it off. I want to work it out with her but she tells me that she is not sure if she loves me anymore. She has cybersex and phone sex with guys she meets on the internet and I have told her that it bothers me. She says it is all fantasy and there is nothing wrong with it. She tells me I am a great guy and father she just does'nt know if she wants to be with me anymore because she is not sure she is in love. She has agreed to go to marriage counseling. I really don't know what to do, if I try to give her attention she says that I am smothering her.

YP,<p>I'm a FWS and I met the man I had my EMA with on the Internet. Didn't mean to, it just happened. I thought my marriage was great at the time and me and this other man just 'seemed' to click. We talked everyday for hours, met in person, talked everyday for hours still. I thought I wanted to take my children and run away with him too. But then it hit me, there is no way I could really know this man by just talking to him on the phone and seeing him a few times in person. And I know my H like the back of my hand. It was the things the OM was telling me that made me feel like my life was blah and going nowhere. He seemed to be so successful, where as my H and I are upper middle class. Not rich, but never want for anything either. I thought we had so much in common, until, again, it hit me, we had things in common because I was so badly wanting us to that I picked up on the things that 'he' liked to do. I didn't really like any of it. It was my H that I had everything in common with. Everything from our children, to loving going to the movies, to loving all kinds of music, to reading, to hiking, etc. After my H found out about our EMA, we talked for hours and my H realized he wasn't meeting my ENs or I would have never entered into the relationship with another man. We talked, went to counseling, and now 13 months later we are so happy and doing wonderful.<p>Now this is what worked for us, I'm not saying this works for everyone. My H and I agreed to get rid of the Internet in our home for 1 year. Only because it caused 'us' so many problems. He and I are both members here at MB and we both get on at work only. We haven't had the Internet in 13 months now, went over our year time frame and we both realized we don't want it back in our home anymore. I'm not saying we'll never get it back, because we have a daughter who may need it to do homework. But we don't miss it. We have taken the time spent on the Internet and spend it together and with our children. We now play monopoly, aggravation, uno, and phase10. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] It has not only improved our marriage, but our family time too. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Hope this helps.<p>RW

When all her energy is focused on others then of course, she doesn't feel for you. If this feels like betrayal to you...then it is! If she put as much energy and enthusiasm into her marriage as she does her cyber buddies the two of you would be in great shape. That being said...there is a reason she has turned away from you. EA's don't happen in a vacuum...what is happening in your relationship? Both of you need MC!!

Hi, Young,
You have come to the right place. Your wife is having what this site calls an Emotional Affair. ( EA ). You need to learn what to do about it.
Start reading all you can on this site. Get "Surving An Affair" from this site or from a bookstore near you and settle down for the long haul. You have some work to do, it won't be easy. Here is a place to start
Wat's Guide<p>This fourm is a good place to get support and to vent, but we recommend a professional marriage counsler. The Harleys do phone counseling, or you can try to find a local one. If she won't go, go yourself. <p>Keep posting, let us know how you are doing. <p>SS

Thanks for the responses. She said I neglected her for two years. She has agreed to stop the cybersex and go to MC and will give the marriage a try. She said she still does not think she loves me anymore, but at least she is giving it a chance.

I am sorry that you are in this predicament. First thing first, read SAA (surviving an affair) it is crucial to your survival now. Understand that your wife not only had an emotional affair but also had a physical affair (physical in the mind). She has very very stong emotions for the OM.<p>Try to understand that the affair (A) is a symptom of something that has seriously gone wrong with your marriage. Not to excuse what she did because what she did is unconsionable, both you and her created an environment which precipitated the EA/PA (physical and emotional affair). The first thing you need to do is work on yourself. Understand that she is clouded by her emotions and not capable of making rational decisions or understanding love (all of us here at MB call this a fog). The key to saving your marriage has nothing to do with her now, but entirely up to how you act. Do not judge her for what she has done. We all make mistakes, unfortunately her mistake is extremely painful for her. Try to examine yourself and what created the environment for her to have an affair. Most likely, as in every marriage, you became complacent and became comfortable in a low maitenence marriage. She of course made the mistake, but the environment was created by both of you. The most important thing I would say and the thing I hope sticks in your mind and controls your actions is do not judge her for what she has done and love her unconditionally like you would love your children. This is the secret to saving your marriage. Do not take to heart anything she tells you for the next few months. She is operating out of the left side of her brain (ie. her emotions are talking not her brain.<p>Please keep us all updated. Many people on this forum genuinly care about everyone who posts. We have felt your pain, some much more than others, and we would like to help others by sharing some of the knowledge we may have obtained.

My wife would really like to talk to someone that has been through something similiar, but does not want to post because she does'nt want me to see it. If anyone could her Email is sunsunshine4u@hotmail.com and she would appreciate hearing from someone.