I really know I had a rock... at least I thought I did... I counted on my housband , I loved him.. I trusted him.. now he does this to me... <p>I feel like.. how can I ever trust him again, feel that safe again.? how can I ever trust anyone? feeling like I just wont ever trust anyone ever again... /?<p>Thoughts? Honey

Honey:<p>boy, wish I could be of help, but tonight I feel exactly the same way you do [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Honey,<p>I know exactly where you are coming from..my husband has said and done some very hurtful things to me and I trusted him so much, like you, couldn't comprehend him doing anything to hurt me!! Wow, funny how they change, Huh? I am so afraid that I will find someone else later who will probably be on the up and up with me, and I will not be able to love him..this is so scary..

I'm right there with ya. I feel the same way right now.

We all seem to be in the same boat tonight! I guess we need to think positive. Our spouses are the ones who are losing out on something wonderful. They are just too clueless to see it. I know my H will never see it. Pretty sad.<p>HAng in there!!!! Hugs to all!

Feelin alone...he'll see it...but probably when it is too late..they always do...they never miss their water till the well run dry...anyway, I do know what you mean.. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Honey,
Just remember we all get down like this. it is part of the natural grieving process. The fog keeps them safe but hurts us.
Just remember you are grieving and you have to experience all the emotions. If WH is lost forever you are missing that.
If you guys are meant to be you are just grieving for an old life that wont exist because either way you will build a new one. Either with them, or as most of us don't want, without them.
Stay strong girlie [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
We love and pray for you every day.
Hugs,
layli

thanks for the posts back..> I appreciate it... I am just so hurt and confused... I really thought we were the perfect couple... crazy Huh? the things my husband has done to me are uncomprehendable... no wonder... I feel at a loss?<p>hugs , HOney

Dear Honey,<p>I too, still cannot make sense of it. The hate in his eyes yesterday was unbelievable. He is believing all the lies he has told others for his rationalization.<p>It is sad...and it still hurts. I was there for him always. <p>But, I have met a wonderful man who has shown me so much love and support and kindness--more than I ever saw with my H--ever. Every now and then I catch myself thinking "is this guy for real". And it is real. I can't tell you how thankful I am for him. I don't know where this relationship will take us, but I just want you to know that there are wonderful people out there and you will encounter them at the weirdest times. There is life after this mess!!! Hang in there! It will happen for you too.....Pat

wow PAt, that is wonderful... I do start to wonder.. maybe I just desrve something more... ? and H could not be it?
but then I think.. how could he ever do this... if my best friend in the world could chop me up and spit me out when I needed him most? who wouldnt?<p>hugs, Honey

Honey,<p>I feel the same way...I devoted my life to my H, my family and his career. He was my everything...that is why when he had these affairs, it was so devastating.<p>With this new relationship, every now and then--trust issues enter my mind because of the actions of my H.<p>But so far, there has been no betrayal of trust--only love and affection shown. It is truely amazing....no games, honest communication, respect...I have only known him for about 5 months--and we only went out for the first time after my divorce was final---but so far, it is like a breath of fresh air. I am trying to take it real slow tho. <p>It was weird how it happened--we just started talking---and then he came over and volunteered to help with some things around here. The kids have gotten to know him really gradually and really like and respect him. My two youngest are starting to kid me that he has a "crush" on me. That is kind of awkward for me..... But I tell you what---it does feel good to have someone talk to you with affection and respect in his voice--I had forgotten what life could be like. <p>It will happen for you too Honey...I know it will. This is just such a hard time to get through. You will definitely be in my prayers tonight. Pat

Honey ~<p>Until you stop going to the hardware store for bread and milk - and then getting upset when there isn't any, these feelings will continue.<p>I've noticed that most of your posts are pretty much about how "sad" everything is - and your anger comes through loud and clear. <p>As long as you are focused on trying to force reality into what you WANT it to look like, instead of dealing with the reality that you have, you are going to continue to have these anger outbursts with your husband and his family.<p>Instead of focusing on what's wrong, and what you don't have, why not write yourself a gratitude list?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>how can I ever trust him again, feel that safe again.? how can I ever trust anyone? feeling like I just wont ever trust anyone ever again... ?
<hr></blockquote><p>Do you remember a while back the post to CMiranda from Pepperband? It was all about learning to trust YOURSELF. (I would put the link here, but, I don't know how. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) Please try to find it and read it. Very profound!<p>I think this is the key. Don't worry about trusting him. Right now you SHOULDN'T trust him. He has not earned that trust. You are banging your head against a brick wall. Just worry about YOU. Focus on how you can become STRONG and trust yourself even when it seems like others are not trustworthy.<p>[ June 20, 2002: Message edited by: Susan ]</p>

I hate the thought of not being able to trust my WW again. She used to be so honest and caring. She would do anything to protect me. If she saw someone being rude to me she would just go off on that person. Now, she is hurting me and lying to me so much I can't believe it. I don't know who she is, but I don't think I could ever trust her again.

Honey,<p>Something that helps me is realizing that he is not doing this TO me, but TO himself!!! Yes, it hurts me in the process (very deeply), but when they are in the fog, they don't realize this. It is only when they come out of this fog that their eyes open to the damage that they have done to themselves. So, he is really hurting himself, he has broken his covenant with you, his family, his relationship with God....living in adultery...but these are things that they cannot see for they are blinded by lust, or fantasy, or this thing that they believe is real(all part of the fog). It is absolutely devestating to us, but I truly don't believe they are feeling our pain. If they could put themselves in our shoes, then they wouldn't be doing what they are doing! <p>Don't know if this helps, but just wanted you to know that I was captured by this fog, and it took God to clear the air! I understand what all of this feels like, but refuse to be taken down by it anymore. <p>I also would like to say that involving yourself with another person is great, but first you need to deal with the process of grieving, letting go, that is if you are done with him. I can tell that you still love your H, and even though you are divorced, part of you is still in the marriage. Tell me if I'm way off base. But before you devote yourself to someone new, take the time to deal with what you need to deal with. Don't carry it over to a new relationship which could cause problems later on....don't mean to be a downer. These are just things that I have learned. No, I'm not divorced, but very close to it. God Bless....

However sad it may be to see the person we loved more than anything in the world self-destruct, however frustrating it is to have the "answers" for them to just see and they don't, sometimes life is like that.<p>We have to move on. First mentally, detaching from needing them and feeling our whole lives depend on them, and then, if necessary and the behavior continues, we detach physically to protect ourselves. And if this continues even then, we detach legally...and move on.<p>Nothing else we CAN do!

feeling even better this morning... Did not talk to H all day yesterday- Whew.. what an accomplishment... ! thanks again for the friends and support here... it is so nice to get others thoughts and etc. Hugs again, h [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Honey -
I'm sorry about the state you're in right now. I've been there too. I forgot, are you two separated? If so, what about writing a letter that just says you need a break for a week, be specific by putting a beginning date and ending date, etc. If you look on my post, the letter is there somewhere. I wrote it on May 16th (i think) if you want to find it. I know how you feel - for me it was (in the beginning) I felt terrible when I didn't talk to him and now I feel better when I'm not talking to him. I'm becoming my own person - detaching a bit and living my life with ME. Just a thought. Hang in there girly!<p>Llama

Have you set an appointment up yet with the Harley's? <p>I'm sorry you are sad. Hopefully the Harley's can help yall learn how to heal each other's broken heart. <p>I think our innocence and naivity are taken away when this happens and we will never be same again. But that is not to say things can not be better than they ever were with or without our H....we grow.

thanks, I am really doing better... prob. still living with no meds.. brings more sadness to my heart and eyes... but I feel a bit more like me! I am not real prone to do anything crazy anyway ANYMORE... for those who remember how bad I needed meds for a while......so that helps- but this is just still so hard..<p>WHo is he anymore?<p>No appt. yet.. I keep forgetting, I tried by email and they sd to call in the am before 12am.. so I will tomrorow... worried still about paying, etc...a s no money from ws for some time... but I WILL SURVIVE.<p>Honey