Wife and I have been in what I THOUGHT was "recovery" for the past 2 or so months after my discovery of her EA/PA with a co-worker. We have been up and down.(see my other posts on In Recovery). Today, after a luncheon I had at my job, I stopped by my W's office on the way back to my office to bring her a snack that was left over from my luncheon. It was a favorite of hers and I thought it would be a nice suprise. While talking to her, I got a cell phone call. As I was talking, I gazed off into space and noticed a small dried up rose on her book shelve. It was just like a similar one her OM had given her and she kept in her car while she was in her A but prior to D-day. I asked her about it and she admited it was from OM but had been there a long time. My question: She swears it is over with OM and I tend to believe her. She says that it is hard to forget him though. why won't she just get rid of everything that reminds her (or me) of OM. She says that she is committed to recovery but does not seem to want to let go. Any advise on how to handle this? Do I get mad, make her feel bad, laugh it off, ignore stuff like this, etc. <p>HELP!

I am interested in this too. I suspect H is keeping reminders and that could be why he is struggling so with withdrawal. Soooo BUMP^

HH;
Let's take it from the top;
Has she written a No Contact letter with you and sent it to OM?
Have you been Plan Aing since dday?
Are you both in therapy?

HH, i suggest you read my H's posts under the name 'VeryHurtHarley' bcos what u are going through is similar to what my H has to go through. I was the WW and after D-day we got rid of the only gift that OM gave me. I never rec'd anything else from him, apart from a rose or two that withered and died and was thrown away. <p>My withdrawal was tough but my H was with me every moment of the day and he gave me encouragement. Everyone here has helped us too. Your W seems to be takiing withdrawal very hard too. Its not easy for her but if she wants this to work out with you, there has to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING around her to remind her or you of the A. The only reminders of the A should be what is left of the M and work that needs to be done for recovery. I am sorry, i can see where she is coming from, but there can be NO contact (and i learnt that the hard way) and NO reminders. <p>I went through the No Contact letter which failed bcos the letter didnt sound sincere and i carried on lying to H by calling OM even after the letter. I later suggested to H, after he found out that i was still in contact with OM, that i call OM and tell him that it was over. It worked. Really, i suggest you read our story. It might help. We are still in recovery and it has been 6 months.<p>I have been to therapy only a few times bcos soon after D-day, arrangements were made where i left my job and my country to relocate. I am here today bcos of my H's love and willingness to give us another shot at having a new life together. I can see that u still love her very much and maybe she cant see that. My therapy now is being alone with myself everyday and dealing with my demons and my remorse. Its not going to be easy but if both of you are willing to work this out, it will work out.<p>I hope that i have helped in some way. My story is long and painful, perhaps if u have the time, look it up. I was a mess and a hopeless case. If not for my H and the many friends i made here on this site, we will not be here today.<p>Hang in there HH, it can only get better. <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>me - WW - 32, H - BS - 35
Been together 2 years
OM - 23 - met through work
PA started Oct '01, ended Jan '02
EA ended Feb '02 ( had my moment of clarity that changed my life)
D-Day - Feb 15, 2002
Left job and relocated on April 2, 2002 for a new life.
H and I still together, now in Recovery