Well, I guess it is official now. The announcement for our divorce was in the paper tonight. I guess we are officially dissolved. A weird feeling to know that 25 years together can just be dissolved. It is so sad for me.<p>I went to the doctor today. Have to go in for surgery on both my feet July 1st. Arthritis and toe joints don't do well together. I hate the thought of being in bed for a few weeks. Altogether---this has been kind of a bummer of a day. I guess it will feel good to be able to walk without my feet hurting though. Wish they could do surgery on my heart while they are at it too. <p>I think I got so sad today because I had to drive down by the lake to get some business taken care of. The whole day reminded me of our family. We loved the lake, and going out on our boat and having tons of kids with us. Now, Jim has the boat and the family is no more--just remnants. <p>Oh well, enough of this pitty party--I don't know why I am so down today. THank you all for being there for me this week. Patty

Hi MnM,<p>Sorry you are so down... and I agree that it is weird and sad that 25 years can just be 'dissolved'. At the rate our country is going, marriage is going to become a thing of the past.<p>Good luck with your surgery... I hope you can focus on how nice it will feel to walk without pain. <p>-JG

Thanks JG,<p>I was just reading your other thread. I am sorry you are going through this too. You got great advice though--from some of the best here. <p>Hang in there.....it will be worth it either way. Pat

miserynmissouri,<p>Much pain out there today. I would just like to say that through all of my pain I am learning about true joy. Joy is much more lasting than the fleeting hapiness. Joy has nothing to do with the situation at hand but all to do in your mind and in your heart. I am trying to find this joy myself inspite of my trials and tribulations in life. In spite of the biggest pain that can be heaped on a person which is to love and not be loved. I hope that through some serious soul searching with God at my side I can regain the Joy that I allowed these tribulations to take. The apostle Paul said that "I am thankful for my tribulations because when I am weak then I am strong."

Thanks Dreamland,<p>I am trying to find that also....God really must have a plan for us...and somehow these situations must be part of it.<p>Thank you for your reply...I will keep you in my prayers too.

hi, i am sorry for your pain... I clearly see 2 downers today in your post... you have a right to feel your pain...
I have been up and reading some of torn assunder.. and boy... have I come a long way from the initial discovery?! whew! so have you Pat. I am so very sorry that you experienced the triggers today the paper announcement and the lake reminder... <p>YOu have many new memories and favorites to create in your life... there is life without that MAN. I know you know this, and it is so much better if he cannot be there for you and good to you as he should ... some men just are so selfish and his mid life... or crisis , regardless of why he needs this bimbo to feel better about himself.. is just sick.<p>He is the one who is losing , a wonderful faithful loving wife of 25 yrs... what a mistake he is making. YOu can go on and find better.<p>I know how much the loss hurts. I am heartbroken right now. My H is just "out there".<p>thanks and hugs, Honey

Hang onto your good memories, let go of the bad ones. I'm sure when Jim was good, he was good. He just tripped out. This story--your story is not over yet. Heck, you may even get your own dang boat some day!? You never know??? If you love boating that much, go for it! This is the start of a new chapter but we are nowhere near the end of your story yet, woman. And, it can be a happy ending too, cuz you get to write it! Just think, if money was no object, what would you do with your life right now??? Keep the faith and make it happen, girl!

((((((((((((((((((((MnM))))))))))))))))<p>Don't be down, it is already past your time to grieve. What is done is done, and it has been clearly decided who is going to love you and help you and who isn't.<p>Forget about your xH. He can have his life, because it will be founded in something he can never be proud of. He can't really go around reminiscing on the way he met OW, or how romantic it was without it sounding sordid. The OW can't really say she got the catch of the day, a man that leaves his wonderful, honest and trusting wife of 25 years and his kids is really scapping the bottom of the barrel.<p>She can act all dignified if she wants in front of you, but everybody knows who she is and what she did to get what she wanted. People will eventually stop paying attention to them, and so will you, your life starts fresh.<p>You here are the winner, the hero, the queen. You are your own knight in shinning armor, and it is time for you to have your own glorious parade, that OW and xH come over and try to rain on it doesn't matter. Next time don't even acknowledge them. Don't say anything unless your xH says hello, if he does, shake his hand in a professional way, smile sweetly, and say "Oh hello, Mr (insert name here), lovely day for a game isn't it? I hope the odds are favorable for son's team"<p>Then bid farewell and walk away smiling. You have a reason to smile. You are seeying your baby play, you will take pictures, cheer, (as BinthereDUNthat said in the other thread). You will be happy because:<p>1) You are single.
2) You are loved, genuinely.
3) You have control over your own life, no more mind games, waffling, fence sitting, no nothing.
4) This is the MnM show, MnM 24/7 without OW xH interruptions, and I am sure it will be a great show.<p>MnM You can do this, and remember, everytime you act dignified, sweet, happy, and like the queen you are the xH and OW will be puzzled, they will talk about you and OW will LB eventually, because it IS difficult to live in the same city a wonderful queen is, when you have tried to be like her and tripped. I am sure she convinces your xH to go to the games, because "She doesn't want him to hide her from everybody", and she is the one acting dignified because xH doesn't really enjoy having everybody pointing at them and saying "There goes xH with his bimbo, pathetic". I am sure OW is just as affraid if not more to see you, and her only defense mechanism is.. to be a b*tch.<p>Hang in there MnM. Don't worry about them building castles out of cards. Your castle is solid, and made out of pure love, it will stand anything time throws your way, heck it's already stood a tremendous quake!

THanks Honey, BTDT and Alostwife,<p>It is a new day today...the sun is shining...and I think I made it through this downer.<p>I appreciate all of your advice.....I just have to remind myself to keep looking forward.<p>Thanks again for helping me through this down time....don't know what I would do without you all. <p>I am looking at boats [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Don't have the money at the present time---but it would be fun. Have a great day!! Pat

Tomorrow will be another adventure. We have a swim meet tomorrow morning. <p>It will be interesting...I know my H plans to be there--don't know if he will bring bimbo.<p>I am going to ignore them....keep your fingers crossed...I hope I can do it. <p>I am hoping someone pushes them into the pool--I am going to be doing the ribbons---so I won't have a chance [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Actually, I am going to try to take all of your advice...and just ignore them. Keep those prayers coming. Pat

Pat, <p>Think like the little engine that could, you can say I will ignor them I will, I will, I will.<p>Have fun at the swim meet. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

MnM,<p>Listen, I KNOW you can do this, I am willing to bet you can do it, and you know why? Because you are sooooooo much better than that!!!<p>You can walk straight into that swim meet even if OW decides that sporting a bridal outfit to the pool is not a bit too much. <p>When you see them, if you do, think of the most ridiculous thing you can think of, the one thing that makes you laugh, like a silly joke, or scene of a movie, be lighthearted, enjoy, go straight to the other parents and talk about the team, the kids, who seems to be doing better, what are thr odds of the swimming team. Talk about that bad recipe of chocolate cookies that nearly blew up your oven and... no wait those were my cookies, never mind [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Don't worry, you will make it, all it takes is to not even think of them. Just walk past, as if they never existed, as if the man standing there with a bimbo was some distant friend you used to know, and who happens, for some sort of odd luck, to be the father of your kids. <p>Please MnM, I KNOW you can do this!!! I know!!!<p>*Gets banner, and starts cheering "YOU CAN DO IT MNM!!!"*<p>Now that'd be a sight in the swim meet, wouldn't it? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Pat<p>I know that you can do this! I bet you will feel so much better by not saying anything. I hope they fall in the pool!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are so much better than them......HANG IN THERE!!!!!!!<p>Max

MiM,
I have been following your posts & will have to deal with the same issues that you are experiencing. My hope is that I can do so eith the same dignity and strength that you do.<p>Those triggers are hard. It's amazing how fast those feelings come back & then we feel the loss so profoundly. Just being able to share that on this board helps all of us.<p>Wish they could do surgery on my heart while they are at it too. Don't we all !!! But then again we wouldn't grow. The underlying problem would still be there just part of it cut out. It would come back bcos it was never dealt with in the first place.<p>You and your kids are in my prayers. ( I am a soccer mom as well)<p>God Bless,<p>D. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and prayers!!!<p>I did it. I made it through the meet and ignored him....Yeah!!!<p>I was so busy at the ribbons table..I hardly had time to watch the kids swim.<p>I had tons of support from the swim parents there--that felt good. I don't think he talked to anyone. <p>Bimbo wasn't there tho---but I was ready even if she was.<p>I have come away a little depressed tho--most of the people saw the announcement in the paper.<p>I watched him today...and still don't understand why? We had so much going for us. Oh well...onward.<p>Thank you again for your encouragement and prayers. I DID IT!!!

Good for you!!