she came home last night from her dad's and told me she was leaving.<p>I don't believe she had a physical affair. She admits to creating certain situations to push the point when she found out I was worried. She did it out of spite to hurt me. She is very hurt by my porn addiction, and even more so about another issue all together.<p>She has Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Over the course of the winter I took a 60% pay cut due to not having any customers at work and she went with little to no pain medicine for 2-3 months. She never said, but expected me to sell my collection (I only had $1000 worth at that point) to pay for meds and that I should have beat the bushes for money, selling blood, etc, to get her the medicine. $1000 would have bought 1 prescription 1 time ($978 for it). She has a lot of anger over this, and for an instant spewed venom on me about it. She led me to believe she was having an affair to hurt me. Over the last few days, she decided that she cannot live with me feeling the hatred she does, so she left. She agreed to only a separation and we can "date" because I was so adamant about fixing this. We have insurance now, so the meds are not an issue. She promised she would not date anyone else.<p>As you can tell, we have excellent communication skills.<p>I pray the Lord will soften her heart towards me and will give her the forgiveness she so needs before the anger eats her up inside.<p>She also agreed to not see the other guy, even though nothing had happened, because it was important to me.

I do not want you to feel that I am bashing you here, but I do want to put a new perspective on this.<p>I can understand her pain. You had an affair of a different sort. You fell in love with fantasy women.<p>You say you have good communication with her. I would tend to disagree. If there was good communication, neither of you would have allowed the pain to continue. You would have worked out your differences via communication and came to a resolution which would end the pain. Instead, she has now left you.<p>A husband means someone who nurtures and protects. It seems to me that you did neither. You held on your fantasy women instead of preventing her from going through more pain emotionally and physically. I would sell all that I had to protect my WW, regardless of anything she may have done to wrong me.<p>All of this I say to try to get you to understand what your next action should be. Go to your wife and apologize for the hurtful actions you did. She withdrew from you and even probably hates you for all of your action. If you love her, work to save your marriage, but from your actions, I do not see that you love her.

dreamland, I gave up the porn the minute she said something. How am I supposed to know it is a problem when she buys me a subscription to Playboy as a gift?<p>And for what it's worth, the line about the communication was sarcasm. <p>I laid myself at her feet. I have put everything I own up for sale. I said I'm sorry more times than I could count. I also beg to differ on being in love with fantasy women. <p>We have had sex / made love 4 times in the last 18 months due to her conditon. Going from 5 times a week to less than 5 times in 2 years is one hell of a shock, and while it was rough on me, I'm sure it was bad on her, but she has never let on. She just doesn't want it, period, and it doesn't matter if I do or not.<p>I would lay down my life for her literaly, and have figuratively already. <p>FWIW, here is my original post Click here<p>[ June 20, 2002: Message edited by: mbinla ]<p>[ June 20, 2002: Message edited by: mbinla ]</p>

HI, I applaud you for caring for your wife... I had a horrible back injury and needeed meds for 2 yrs... I finally had a doctor help me and now I am on none except birth control.. but my h left me. He could not stand the change my illness brought out in me. PAIN is horrible... pelase take care of and love this woman... your turn will come for her to nurture you. WIth true love and understanding she WILL get better.. and will be very grateful for having the kind of loving husband she heeds. Please love her the way she desrves to be loves.. it sounds as if you now are.<p>I am just another woman who got hit by horrid pain... believe me ... I was pained to take a bath... get out of bed, etc etc. Now I am working out and training to hike the grand canyon... getting back to the o;ld me... but still a bit heavier due to the lack of motion and energy and pain freeness I went through .. the meds zombied me out... beware.. SHE WILL NOT BE HERSELF on meds.. many have mood swinginess,e tc... that come with therm... I was on some for pain that definitely affected me and helped me with some outbursts at my H... <p>This is not a time to be selfish.. she needs you.<p>YOur wife will come back I am sure if yuou show her the unselfish love she deserves while so ill. <p>I hope this helps... I can really relate... I find it hard to believe she is at her best for any type of A... she probably just wants some understanding and love... YEs, any type of attention to porn hurtrs... turn to your wife for your needs.. find a compromise... through her pain to meet your sf needs... I am sure she will oblige if you explain your needs, and that she is who and what you want. How flattering?<p>Hugs and luck, Honey [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]