I am not spending any time with her per her wishes that she have her space. I'm Plan A'ing, but she really can't see it. If I tell her that I know about the PA (even tho I don't know which guy) could it cause the fog to lift? Does it even matter if I know WHO it is rather than just the fact that IT happened? It's either a co-worker or a client that's the OM, so either way will cause major rifts if her management finds out (she might get fired). Also, no contact with those people will be nearly impossible, and why would she do that anyway (no contact) if she's happy with the separation and her life away from me? Both suspected OM are single, so no wives to tell. I know that she just moved in last weekend to her new house, so maybe I should just sit back and be patient.<p>Would filing for DV and telling her that I am doing it b/c of the OM possibly have a 180 effect on her?<p>Man, it's a confusing day for me. A million thoughts that I need to vent. Bear with me [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ June 21, 2002: Message edited by: nasakid ]</p>

nasakid:<p>Been wondering what happened to you! Wait until you get more responses, because there will be many different answers to your question, but if it were me, I would tell her that I know about her PA (assuming you really do know, and are not just guessing). I wouldn't necessarily tell her how you know, but I would be as open about what your R consists of at this point as you can, and her having an A is definitely impacting your R (whether she's home or not, you're still M'd, and it's inappropriate for her to have another R). <p>As to whether you should file for DV? I wouldn't use it to "force" her to do anything. Do it if you feel it's what you need or want, but don't do it to make her react. If you do file, be prepared for her agreeing to it OR trying to work things out. The possibilities are that extreme. And so do it only if that's what you are ready for.

I don't think anything can "make" the fog lift. It will lift on it's own time frame, if it ever does. The only thing we can do is wait and hope.

She will more likely than not deny it, Nasa, even when faced with evidence.

Twyla:<p>"She will more likely than not deny it, Nasa, even when faced with evidence. "<p>True. Which is why nk shouldn't expect results by telling her he knows. This will only show her that he's not a chump. AND, if he continues good plan A behavior in spite of this knowledge, she may respect him more than she otherwise would have.<p>Just my paradigm (that's 20 cents)

I just want to say I completely agree with 2long. If she knows that you know about A yet you still plan A it might have a bit more weight.
When I told my husband I told him even though I felt it was wrong I would still be there for him no matter what and that I loved him and believed in our marriage.
Whether it sunk in for him or not. It sure helped open our lines of communication.
Keep trying and keep posting.
Hugs,
Layli