Men tend not to post on these kinds of forums and as a result, one gets the impression that most affairs involve a cheating man. Keep in mind that unless he's homosexual, he's cheating with a woman and in all probability, the woman is cheating too.<p> Personally, I think all 'cheaters' are sick, immature, socially irresponsible jerks.<p> Women who cheat always have a circle of 'friends' that can't wait for the next installment of 'lovenest news' and men who cheat can't wait to tell all to their buddies on the golf course...ala the sad little movie of a couple of years ago "WHIPPED"<p>Men brag of their infidelity to others to make themselves sound more masculine. They go into great detail how the wayward sex partner did this to them and did that to them and how he drilled her in every body cavity etc, etc. He may muse on the fact she could barely walk to her car after it was over, much to the delight of his make listeners.<p> Was it your wife? Was it you? He's describing...<p>Is that what you want to spend the rest of your life with? Is that who you want to spend the rest of your life with? Man or woman...cheaters are scum and if you have any sense at all, you will walk away and leave them in their slime.

a1911a:<p>You must be an unhealed victim of a sleazy, sordid A. (and where did that statistic about men not posting come from? It's wrong, by the way).<p>Trouble with generalizations like yours is that one exception makes the generalization wrong. <p>Do you have a constructive reason for posting here? Would you recommend we line up all wayward spouses against a wall and mow them down with a machine gun? Would that help? <p>It's easy to get tweaked and run away from problems. Oh yes, and betrayed spouses (I'm one) have problems too, or their wayward spouse wouldn't have gone elsewhere to have their unmet needs filled. <p>It pulls a good vacuum, being in this position, but labeling and fantasizing about locker-room descriptions about people's plumbing won't help one little bit.<p>[ June 21, 2002: Message edited by: 2long ]</p>

Are you looking for solutions or do you just love the idea of wallowing in your misery? Will you feel better if I blame you for your spouses infidelity? So be it! You are hereby blamed.<p>I just asked the question...is it worth it?
If so, get off the board, swallow your pride and dignity and get on with it...<p>For you it must be so, wail on...bye

a1911a:<p>"Are you looking for solutions"<p>Yes. You got any?<p>"or do you just love the idea of wallowing in your misery?"<p>Think about this question. Reread it several times.<p>"Will you feel better if I blame you for your spouses infidelity?"<p>Where did this come from?<p>"So be it! You are hereby blamed."<p>Ah. How wonderful!<p>"I just asked the question...is it worth it?"<p>Not in this thread you didn't.<p>"If so, get off the board, swallow your pride and dignity and get on with it..."<p>Cute.<p>For you it must be so, wail on...bye "

I see that you are a new member, and obviously haven't read all the background materials available on this site. It is obvious you are in a lot of emotional pain, and we can all relate to that and are sorry for your suffering.<p>Once you have been here for a while (if you choose to stay and constructively participate), you will realize that you have it backwards: the best reason to be on this forum is because you have decided it is worth it to try to save your marriage. If you have made the decision to end it, there would seem to be less of a reason to be on a MARRIAGEBUILDERS forum.<p>Being hurt and upset does not give you the right to abuse others, and sometimes the best advice is none at all. What exactly do you hope to accomplish with your posts? If your aim was to be hurtful, you probably accomplished that, but I doubt that was your whole purpose. Certainly, coming to a site that endorses recovering a damaged marriage is not the appropriate place for your kind of posts.<p>There is lots of good information and support to be found here for anyone who wants to find help and advice. Is that what you are looking for? If not, another forum might be more in line with your goals.

It's probably senseless to argue with this person who is either hurt very badly and can't see past it yet or a scorned OW with a grudge. NO sense in allowing her to start world war 3 [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

TD:<p>You're probably right. However, many OW have actually turned their attitudes and eventually their lives around by coming here. I suspect that this person has either been hurt very badly by someone close to them having had an A, or their A partner going back to work on their M.<p>...or they're bored, it's Friday, and their 3rd-grade teacher didn't assign them any homework for the weekend.

<small>[ February 06, 2005, 04:47 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Keep in mind that unless he's homosexual, he's cheating with a woman and in all probability, the woman is cheating too. <hr></blockquote><p>That kind or gathers everything into a nice cozy nutshell. <p>I never felt I was a homosexual, but since my WW had an A maybe I should rethink which team it is I should play for. <p>And here I was thinking I was attempting to save my M and getting support from a good group of people going through similar situations.<p>Maybe you should try and read some of the things posted here and you might find that "NOT EVERYONE" is doing what you have implied.<p>I hope you've only posted out of frustration. We are all going through a wide range of emotions, and can be here to help if that's what your looking for.<p>Regards,
N61

No 3rd grade homework - LOL 2long. Just ignore the attack on you. This person doesn't know you or your story. <p>
a1911a as I said on your other post, feel free to post YOUR story and maybe you will get some help. Peace!

gee... maybe a OW now BS??<p>whomever it is has been busy today and must have much pain...<p>Do some reading about infidelity... while situations are similar... they are NOT ALL THE SAME...<p>Sometimes people... marriages... have to go through the fire to be refined to pur GOLD... <p>Good luck to you,
Cali