Two days ago I wrote my plan B letter & posted for ideas. I have not talked to the Harleys, but planning to for myself. WH wrote NC letter to OW#1 & went back to counseling, however still very distant. WH will accept anything that I offer to give him & I have now been doing Plan a without SF, since we have been seperated now for 4 months, I get the feeling that I am just a convenince. WH has stayed a couple nights but with my suggestion that he sleep in another room, only due to driving distance back to his town.<p>I need help - ideas responding to WH letter.<p>BS
I have been doing a lot of thinking and the more I do the more it has upset me lately as you have been reading in my actions. (I expressed concern about his indifference).<p> You keep saying I'm not trying because I have not deleted Ow#2 number fro the cell phone. I know that pissed you off the other night, well 1st of all i haven't had the time of felt like taking the time to figure it out & second it would not matter as I have the patter on the phone memorized. However I have not seen anything that doesn't remind me of the 25 years of our marriage. Always having strings attached & never just letting go because you love me. Instead of giving me a boat, you are buting me books, I do not want "things", I do not want 8 steps to this, 4 of that. (guilty LB trying to teach, however it is more of my need of dealing with my own sexuality that his. Father's day -What Dad's has taught his kids). I just want someone tht lets go of emotions & loves me, holds me. I have been trying to not teach.<p>
You keep saying that things will be different, you never tell me your dreams or fantasies with me. This is going to hurt but I'm being truthful with you. OW talks about if she was with me about having people over & entertaining, going to small gatherings, taking walks with me, fantasies of having sex with me, going to other community & scholl functions with me & other meetings. She is proud of me & tells me so. All you talk about is having time alone, I do too, but I cannot be held back from being myself & teasing people & being outgoing. If you do not like it you better start instructing your son, it is not any different from him teasing an adult friend with the fake cat poop & me teasing a a local female cafe cook. (Last year I mentioned WH had more of a relationship with her than me & that I was hurt, I told him I didn't like he actions) This was before I fould MB.<p>OW#1 may have gotten around a bit, this is not what I knew before. I have told you I kad my suspicions since she move away to another state.
However OW32 is a deaconess in the Baptist church in her town & she did not stock me. It was the other way around. (WH has told me this before.) WH I went after her. She has struggled with what we have done & may resign because of it. Think what you want but she is a good person.<p>I feel you are very vindictive, from naming our D to just telling me about it here lately. (20 years ago he was saying we should name her after his old girlfriends, so I through out a female form of old boyfriends & everybody like it. I couldn't ever tell because I new It would hurt WH bad, until I felt ready to give WH a big reason to file for DV. I do not think you would have your masters if it wasn't for vindictiveness , yes it can be postive if channeled the right direction. (Small town perception about females not needing a decent wage.) Vindictive - this is a new term we have never used really, although I have heard OW use it when we where on the phone last year. <p> Yes I did talk to OW yesterday & no I am not headed to her twon, OW & OWH, their son, daughter0in-law and grand-daughter are headed to NEw Orleans for some conference the kids are going to & they are going to baby sit.<p>I still have a love for you & still love OW, if I didn't this would be over.<p>Now you know what has been bothering me.<p>Steve<p>I have been thinking about seeing OWing & introducing myself & say that I know both WH & OW good people & that I am forgive her for the pain & torture of the last 2 years as god does, & then leaving. I have been planning on going to B.<p>I have known for a long time that he wanted me to discuss my dreams. But like the last 5 years they have been shattered. His family, kids a lot of stuff just in the way. Long ago I was okay with accepting WH plan of small town life, so it became my dream.<p>Other dreams I felt would hurt or make WH feel sad if he couldn't provide enough funds.<p>WH dreams where usually the same as mine.
I can write mine down I send to him, but hey I don't half to worry about WH leaving any more if he can't provide my dreams right.<p>I know I can't pick apart his letter, I need to just see what he is telling me, dreams, admiration.<p>I think I will go aheard & write out my list of dreams & fantasis with WH. I can write a mysterious, sorbid ?lustful romantic encounter. What do you think?
