Hello everyone,<p> It has been awhile since I last talked to all of you. How have you been? I see alot of new people here and however unfortunate that is they are in the right place. I wanted to let you all know that I am still alive and kicking. <p>Indy

Morning Indy,<p>Glad to see you here (well you know what I mean - LOL!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>I was just checking in this morning and saw your post. Glad you posted. <p>take care - catcha later!<p>L.

Hello Orchid,<p> I saw that you were lurking around this morning. I thought that I would post something since I haven't in about three weeks. <p> I am still recovering from this last bout with my WW. I am still going over everything and trying to see if I did all of the right things. I have been thinking that I was going to tell her to call me tonight after she drops the kids off to let her hear a peice of my mind. Because, like I told you yesterday. I think that she just sees things from her perspective and not everyone elses. I also know that she has been painting me in a bad light to everyone that I used to know and hang around in. Do you think that phone call is a good idea?<p>Indy

Well Indy, <p>I will give you my 2 cents but please give the others time to respond. <p>I think that giving her a 'piece of your mind' is NOT a good thing. WHY? Because that is one piece you can't take back. <p>What do I mean by that? Well, you want whatever you have to say to be constructive and productive. <p>Let me give you an example. I just posted to someone here on one of the MB sites (I am not saying this to look for sympathy - just to use as an example) and it appears I have been told that I need to learn the art of constructive criticism. Now that in itself is not a bad thing. But I thought I was trying to be supportive yet warning a bit of caution. <p>Ok, now I have some options here:
1. Get mad and retaliate and defend my position. <p> - - or - - <p>2. Let it go and delete my post so as not to offend that person or anyone else. Giving them the benefit of the doubt (which in your case I know you have done this). <p>-----maybe there are other options but those where my immediate choices. <p>Guess which one I choose? <p>So I suggest that maybe you write down your words and read them. Could even be beneficial to give her the stuff she is demanding just to get that obstacle out of the way. Then give her your thoughts in writing. U have said before it is tooo painful to have discussions with her. She does not always appear to respect those wishes. <p>Maybe a letter would be better. <p>re: I don't want to see you lose your mind or even a piece of it! LOL!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>JMHO,
L.

Orchid,<p>Could even be beneficial to give her the stuff she is demanding just to get that obstacle out of the way. <p> Would that include giving her the D, making sure that I am home to answer the phone all of the time, and waiting for her when she is late? <p>Indy

No cuz that's not stuff. That's your family's life!<p>The stuff: The material items she requested. <p>REmember her ballyhooing about her stuff is a lot of WS hot air. Give her the stuff and then you have let the hot air out. NOt more hot air on that subject. <p>The dumb things the WS make a big deal over (like 'dont touch my things' or 'give me my things' , etc) is a bunch of hot air. With it sometimes comes threats like "I am going to tell the police or your lawyer you won't let me get me stuff". Check out your sources and then don't cower to their threats. I told the WS in my life to go ahead because I knew that my fingerprints were all over his stuff and that the police told me anything in our home we could both touch. So much for his threats. He left with his tail between his legs. Of course that was a while back and he is much better now. But I think you get my drift. <p>L.

Orchid,<p> I think that I understand what you mean. I still look back at the letter that she sent my lawyer. I guess that I have to accept that there is no hope for my marriage. Doesn't that letter say it all?<p>Indy

Indy,<p>Maybe for now that is how it appears. Will it be that way tomorrow, next week, next month, next year? Can't say. <p>Regardless of where it will be in the future. What are you willing to do for yourself now? That is a question many of us have to ask ourselves. <p>Just got off the phone with another MBer's H. Hm..... I called to see how they were doing and he answered. I made small conversation but he is in some pain due to his actions. Even I could tell. Right now his W is having to protect her family and her feelings. He is not physically abusive at this time but she no longer feels safe in their home. <p>In that case, I am sure she feels like you. Very unsure about her M having a future. In both cases you guys are about the same ages (she is older a bit than her H also) but the roles are reversed (she is the BS). Bottom line is that right now just like you she is having to take a look at what is going on right now and work with that info. <p>Maybe sometimes it is easier to see when it is happening to someone else. <p>L.

....bumping up looking for Indy..... don't keep this poster in suspense here!!! LOL! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Hi Indy! <p>Good to see you again! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So whats going on these days? Divorce still pending? Are you in Plan B? It looks like - from your update - that you are in some contact with your W? Seems to me that no contact with her would help you heal. <p>Faith1

Orchid,<p> Their isn't any. Like my dad said to me on Saturday. She is gone and isn't looking back. She has been gone a 1 1/2 yrs. You just need to end it and D her.<p>Faith,<p> I guess that I have to say that I am fine. Yes, the divorce is still pending and I guess that I am going to have to do it for her. I just don't waste her time with my voice or anything.<p>Indy

Everyone,

I had an interesting night yesterday. WS picked up the kids from daycare. She said on her message on my phone that she was going to haave them back between 6:30 and 7:00 that evening because she has to be at work tomorrow. I am thinking that is fine, so I was here until about 7:30. Needless to say she didn't show up or call me, so I assumed that she was going to keep them overnight and that she would have them back at 7:00 am. That really isn't the problem. I come back from running around some and there is a note in the door at the house.

Indy,

I was here from 8:15 pm until 9:15 pm and you weren't. If you would like the kids back tonight call me on my cell phone. If you don't call you can pick them up at my parents' house.

WS

I called and the OM answered. I asked for Cherri and he said the he would let me talk to her if she was there and he said it in a way that was full of indignation. I hung up the phone she called me back a few minutes later and I said that I would go out to pick them up. I arrived at her parents' house. It has been one year since I had been there and yes the OM was there and everyone seemed so happy. I got to see my step daughter from afar. I didn't get to talk to her or anything. While we were getting the kids in the car the Om walks up and reaches in to get to my son. I told him to leave my son alone please and he looked at me and called me an a**hole. WS snapped at him then and there. I just let it run down my back. I didn't react to it at all, but here is the kicker. I finnaly say my WS as she really is. Not the woman that I loved, but she looked like trailer trash. I also forgot how fat the OM is. I am leaving out alot of things. I just don't have alot of time to tell you all. I will also say the I don't know where I would be right now if it wasn't for people here on MB and people here in Indiana that have supported me.

Indy

<small>[ July 04, 2002, 11:19 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy!
I'm glad you posted an update.

It's sad how many WS's start looking worse after being with the OP. Sheesh! If the OP is SO wonderful???? than why do the WS's look so bad?

I'm sorry you have so much trouble with her with kid exchange. Talk to you lawyer about that. As far as the schedule, etc. And I REALLY recommend Plan B Indy. I wish you would quit being in contact with her, because of the treatment and disrespect that you shouldn't have to deal with. Figure out a middle person (your parents or hers) to help with kid exchange and communication. Can you do that?

Take care, and Happy 4th! You got plans?
Faith1

Faith,

I am sorry that I didn't get back to you eariler. Yes, it is strange to see your spouse in that different light. The only reason that I saw it was because she was in her natural surroundings. What I mean by that is she isn't making herself up to appear like she once was. She is what she really is now not the act she puts up when she drops off the kids.

Yes, the kids and the rest of the family went to a baseball game here in the city and watched the fireworks that happened after. It is still strange to go to that without the WS, but the kids had a great time. I will be leaving for vacation next Friday. We are going to North Carolina, so if anyone is from NC let me know and I will look in on them. I will try and keep in touch, but I don't know if we will bring the computer. I will talk to you later. I have to go to the hardware store.

Indy

<small>[ July 06, 2002, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: INDY_357 ]</small>

Hi Indy,

Glad to see that you are doing well. Yes I know it's not perfect but you sound so much stronger. The fact that you see your wife so differently tells me that you are loosing your love for her. Love is a wonderful filter that helps us see our loved one as much more then most others do. That filter is going away for you. You are going to be ok.

You are a good guy who deserves so much more.

Z,

It is good to hear from you again. It has been quite awhile. How are STL and the kids?

To answer your reply. Yes, I have seen her in this way sincee she left, but didn't want to believe that transformation would last this long. I still love my wife. I just saw Mrs. Indy in her new surroundings and not the made up ones. I just love the fact that she has to control her new man like that. It was almost funny to she her control him like that. I don't know that I am stronger. I just had to be a man and get my children. I did my duty. I just think that she should keep him out of my children's lives.

Indy