To recap - my H moved back in with me Wednesday night, Thursday night he went back to his parents to "get himself straight" so that we could start fresh. Thought things were really starting to get better. Then today came along.<p>I was on my way to the store and I passed his house, saw he was outside, so I swung in to say hello. He was on his way out "to run an errand for his mom". He said he would talk with me later, I said ok, I love you, and he said I love you too. So we head out, going in the same direction. We get about 5 miles down the road, and all of a sudden he turns a hard right and takes off like a bat out of hell. I was like what in the world is he doing? Then it hit me that he must be trying to cover up something. I started to cry and decided instead of going into store all poofy eyed, that I would just circle around and come back home. And voila, I pass him on another road going back in the direction he was going in originally. I turned around to see if I could get him to stop, and he proceeds to take off, passing people in the median and trying to loose me, when he ran a red light is when I backed off. I just turned and started driving, not knowing where I was going, just driving. I called up my best friend and she convinced me to pull over onto the side of the road and get myself together (I was crying histerically at this point). As I'm sitting there, he passes by me, doesn't stop or nothing, and I'm sitting on the side of the road with my 4-ways on. I knew in the direction he was going, where he was going, to the OW's work.<p>So I proceed in that direction. I knew the name of the place she worked, but not exactly where it was. I find it, and I find her car and his car parked side by side. She is a hairdresser, and I figured he was getting his hair cut. I sat in the parking lot and waited for them to come out. Finally they did, she got in her car and drove off and he came over to talk to me. <p>He proceeds to tell me that the only reason he came back to me is because he knew I had money and could help him get himself out of what he was in. Then he tells me he loves the OW, that it's alot more than just an affair. That he is holding off on the D because he can't afford to go on with it right now, and that he didn't feel a spark when he was with me the other night. This is all totally opposite of what he said the other night. I know he felt a spark, I saw it and felt it too. If you really don't have any feeling for someone you don't kiss them the way he did me, and you don't hold them the way he did me.<p>Then he proceeds with saying that I just need to get over him and get mad at him and to stop bothering him. That he should of just left and never called me again. To take a look at him and see how much he has hurt me, he had an affair and why do I still want him. <p>So then, the OW pulls up in the parking lot, gets out of her car and tells me that I have 30 seconds to finish up otherwise she is calling the cops on me. I looked at her and told her just to take a good look at me and that I hope I haunt her everynight for the rest of her life, to take a look at me and see what she has done to me and my marriage, and what crime is it to stand here and talk to my husband? She turned around, started laughing and got into her car. My H told me just to get in my car and go. I was like, well, just come to my house and let us talk, I just want to know why. I stated that he said he wanted me to fight for him, well I was here to fight for him and that he just needed to come to my house and live there, that I was never going to let him go again. That I had already did that and he came back, that I had set him free, and he came back, so I think that means it's meant to be. He said yea, we [OW and him] had a fight, that was all, just a fight and I thought I wanted to leave her. I turned and said that I just love you too much to let you be miserable for the rest of your life with her and have to deal with all the things you told me the other night that she did to hurt you all the time.<p>Then the OW gets back out of her car and says your 30 seconds are up, and proceeds to calling the cops. I got back in my car and told my H that he better come by my house tonight if he doesn't want his stuff ruined, because I was throwing it all out in the parking lot. The OW comes over to my car and says you need to leave, you are causing a scene here at my work, you need to leave. I held up my hand to here and said look at what my H did the other night, he put my wedding set back on my hand, I love that man and I always will. She proceeds with saying you need to leave, the cops are on their way and trys to belittle me, and I look at my H and said I can't believe you allow her to talk to me that way and drove off.<p>Now, I'm lower than low. I know what all he said earlier this week was the truth and I blantantly see what he said tonight was all a lie. If it was the other way around I think it would be easier to tell him to get lost. I'm thinking of packing my stuff and moving 300 miles to live with my best friend, who has been here for me through all of this. I can't take this anymore. I've got a ton of stuff going on at work right now too, with a new girl starting tomorrow that has to be trained and all. I wish I could pack up tomorrow and leave this god forsaken town, but I can't. I just don't know what to do, throw in the towel or hang around for a while longer to see what will happen.<p>Again, is it over, or is this just one of the bumps in the road that I've been told about? I was in plan B, I think it's time to go back to that and stick by my guns. It brought him back home once, maybe the next time he'll come back for good, it will be the 3rd time he's come back to me, 3rd times the charm, right?

How many times do you have to be lied to and hurt and used before you say enough? I would say that until he gets some MC and learns to treat you with the respect and dignity you deserve, you should have nothing to do woth him. I know that's easier said than done. Just remember, you are not his doormat!! This wasn't so much a bump in the road but a wake up call telling you to get on with your life. Why on earth would you want a man that thinks it acceptable to treat you like this? Hopefully, one day he will wake up and see what a jerk he's been...until then...treat yourself with respect, hold your head up and walk away for now.

{{{{{thebetrayedone}}}}},<p>You are right - you should go back to Plan B! Look at what he just put you through. I'm so sorry this happened. Gosh, I'm stunned actually reading what you wrote. That woman had some nerve, but you did the right thing getting out of there. <p>I wish I had some great words of wisdom, but I don't. Just know that I'm here to listen and support you through this.<p>Go back to Plan B and start healing yourself! What do you like to do? Do you have any girlfriends whom you lost touch with when you were so happily married? Cyr those tears, it doesn't make you a bad person. You are worth so very much more.<p> <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>I'm right there with you!!

And life got even more interesting later on last night.....<p>OW, who used to be my best friend, calls me last night to say she is sorry for the way she treated me last night and sorry for all the pain she has caused me. That there are 4 people hurting here and that she is tired of all the lies and that she hurts most because she lost a friend. Her, her H and me and my H used to all hang out together at a local gathering spot (we are all into cars and drag racing), she asked if I had been down there lately. I told her no because everyone just runs and hides from me when ever I make an apperance, she said that she had and it just wasn't the same there without me. <p>She told me to ask what ever questions I may have, and I offered her the same. She had no idea what was going on since Wednesday. I gave her the whole story, that goes back 2 weeks. She said she sees that we were both being played by my H and that we both deserve so much better, that we are still young pretty girls and there is someone else out there in this world for each of us that will love us the way we deserved to be loved. I told her quite honestly this whole thing has made me never want to love again, she said she is feeling the same way. She said she had left her H because she thought my H really did love her, but now she sees the whole truth.<p>She wants us to go get my H's goose this weekend by both of us riding out together to the gathering spot. I think I just might do this. If not anything, all of my H's friends will see us together and I'm sure it will get back to H.<p>Me and the OW actually laughed and had a really nice talk. I tried to get out of her what her plans were now, but she didn't know. She said she was tired of everything, all the lies and playing and the hurting. She is suspossed to call me back tomorrow evening, maybe by then she will have an answer. She did say she didn't care to see my H right now, and by some of the things she was saying I'm almost thinking my H is more into their relationship than she is. She hadn't contacted him since what happened Wednesday, but he called her up at work to see if she could just cut his hair. He didn't tell her a thing that had happened, not even that he had moved in with me. She didn't even know where he was living right now. Boy, this is all different than what my H told me yesterday, and I hate to say it, but I actually believe the OW over my H, because you can just tell when a person is lieing. My H would say someting that totally contradicted itself a minute later, all of her stories added up to make sense.

Be wary. Even though you think she is telling the truth, be wary. When it comes to the OW, I am very distrustful of their motives. She may be trying to set you up. After all, it gets back to H that you and OW were together. She tells him you came there to harass her???? Now your H thinks you are psycho.<p>Her behavior was rather cheeky if you ask me. OW/OM should know their place. To me, they have no rights in a R with a M person, and do not have the right to tell the BS off. (maybe a harsh opinon, but it is my opinion) What would she have told the police? That you are upset because she caught her H in a lie, and he is having an A. If were on public property, there is not much she can do about it unless you are breaking the law. Crying is not against the law.<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</p>

Well, I smell a BIG rat here and I would stay as far away from her as possible. You say you "trust her?" She is completely UNTRUSTWORTHY! She is a liar and a cheat who is having an affair with her best friend's husband. What would stop her from lying to you now and setting you up? She is just trying to pump you for information and use you to facilitate her own agenda. <p>Please don't think for a minute that she wouldn't knife you in the back FURTHER if it were convenient. Please protect yourself and stay away from her completely. Go into Plan B and do some serious repair work on yourself. You have been through the mill and deserve much better than this. It's time that someone did something in your best interest, let it be YOU.

Hi,<p>I'm glad to see you posted again. I'm on the fense as far as talking to OW. I've spoken to most every OW in my life and I've learned a lot. One OW said they met twice when my H said he didn't even know what she looked like. <p>The fact that she's an ex best friend, it could be a set up, but my first instinct is that this was a good thing to happen. It appears your H is playing you both and OW don't like to be lied to any more than we do. <p>I don't know if I suggest getting all buddy buddy with her again so soon and going to your hang out together. I think you should talk to your H about what OW has said to you. He may not like knowing you and her spoke - he's getting caught in so many lies.<p>Good luck to you and keep us posted!!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

So I went to my "spot" at the lake tonight and did alot of thinking and talking to God. I walked away feeling somewhat better. God put in me to hold on, don't let go yet. As much as I'm contracdicting myself on this, it's still really hard. A part of me is saying screw him, another part is saying, this is just a bump, hold on, and the hold on is speaking louder than the other.<p>So, I'm leaving from there, going to go down and buy myself a new CD, and low and behold, who do I pass....my H then the OW right behind him in her car, on thier way to his house. I was going to stop by and give him the rest of his stuff he left here at the house, but I decided not to. I've got it all in the trunk of my car. <p>Me and the OW are suspossed to talk again tomorrow. I don't think she saw me, so I'm going to wait and see if she offers up any info on tonight. <p>I'm tired of hurting, I was doing so much better, now I'm back to a low. One side of me is saying pack up your stuff and go move in with my friend 300 miles away, another part of me is saying stay. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide for a while, and no one will let me! I had to beg today for Saturday off, and I've been working the last 4 weeks 6 days straight! Why can't all of the BS (and that doesn't stand for betrayed spouse) just stop and leave me alone for a while. The only I way I can see getting myself out of work for a while without loosing my job is to go commit myself for a while. Actually that is not sounding that bad, stick me in a padded room and dope me up and leave me the hell alone! <p>Don't worry, I'm not psychopathic, just really down right now. I can't even drive to the store anymore with out getting the A shoved in my face, for the last 2 days that is all I've been trying to do, and haven't made it yet!!!!

Do not trust the OW...she wants what you have, and will probably do what she thinks she needs to do so she can be 'happy'. Please try a plan B, you need the space and a break from the OW and H. Dump the rest of his stuff at his parents and walk away. Avoid them both. Don't go anywhere with OW!!!! She's has proven to you she does not respect you or value your friendship! Go and take care of yourself! Is a move away and finding a new job a possibility? Do whatever it takes to feel good. AVOID H and OW at all costs.<p>I know you are hurting and exhausted. It won't last forever, I promise. Talk to someone you can trust....MC perhaps?!?

I agree... you need to stay away from that OW. She was your best FRIEND? She stabbed you in the back, girl, and she'd do it again. Nobody needs a friend like that, and then turn around all apologetic like she's sorry for being an instumental part in destroying your M. You've got better friends anywhere else! <p>You once advised me to start Plan B a week or two ago. You were right... it was time for me to do what I had to do. Now I think it's time for you to take some of your own advice. Your H is putting you through the wringer. You gotta get yourself away from it all. Make him prove to you that he's worth another chance. You know you deserve much better than the way he's been treating you.<p>Stay clear of both of them for your own sanity.<p>I'm pulling for you... take care of yourself, and get healthy again.

Good morning,<p>The "spot" sounds nice and peaceful. Obviously the OW lied when she said she didn't want to see him since he lied to her.<p>Can you just go with the feeling you had before seeing them? Did you get that CD? Try to play it at home and visualize you are at the "spot" and being with God.<p>Just for today!<p>I was reading through some old al-anon stuff and I read a lot of "just for today" snipets. <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Just For Today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.<hr></blockquote><p>I know I can make it through just one day feeling good about myself. Can you make it through just one day with me?<p>God bless! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

You know, he was all happy to be here with me. He was all excited about some plans we were making for a second honeymoon. We even talked about a time frame for when we would start trying to have kids, a year from now, to make sure we were worked out. He said he didn't care what people would think of us being back together, that he was doing what he wanted to do and our happiness, espcially my happiness was most important to him now. That he was never going to leave me again and wanted to be with me forever.<p>He was saying all this, loving me, holding me looking so relaxed and happy, then the roommate had to call him and tell him the OW went back to her H. He changed in an instant. He told me that hurt, he felt betrayed by her, but that he would make it through, just give him a few days to get over her, again that he is never leaving me again.<p>That's why this hurts so bad. How bad would it look on my employment history for job abandonment? I think I know I want to go, pack it all up and get away. I want to go today. If I do the correct thing of putting in a notice my boss won't let me go, he's a real jerk like that. I found out last week I was within an inch of getting fired, then he said I changed. I know the time frame he is talking about, it's when I decided to let go and let God take over. I've got a new employee, and it is so hard to sit there all day with a chipper attitude and not bring my personal life into the workplace, when I got in my car to come home yesterday, I cried all the way home, letting out what I held in all day. How can I get better by holding it all in?

I agree that you need to put some space between you and the whole situation. Time to pull yourself together and reprioritize yourself. <p>If the "spot" gives you comfort, go their as often as you can to help keep you balanced.

I didn't go into work today, I haven't even called anyone at work.<p>I've got a counseling appointment at 2:00, she mentioned on the phone that a geographical change might be the best thing for me to do right now too. <p>I still want to talk to the OW, and see if anything happened last night.<p>I'll update later today. So many thoughts are going through my head right now, I'm hoping for some clarity at my appt. today.

betrayed one - I have been reading your post and just want to wish you luck with your counselor - this whole situation really stinks and is very bizarre to say the least - I also am not to sure that I would trust the OW - especially because she was your friend and did this to you. Good Luck..

I'm sorry to say so but I wouldn't trust her either... the OW in my situation was one of my best friends... after D-Day #1 before I knew what an EA was, she apologized profusely and asked for another chance... and then stabbed me in the back while I was crying on her shoulder. I tried for 3 months to believe that they were "just friends" but when it finally got to be too much and I looked for evidence, I was right... sometimes it really sucks to be right.

Well, just got back from counseling. I faxed a resignation letter to work, and turned in my lease termination notice to the apartment complex. Luckily I've got the money saved up to last me a while, then I'll also get back a good chunk of change from the apartment.<p>My friend is offering me a place to stay for free, just have to keep up my own bills, and I've got enough to do that for about 3 months. She told me to take how ever long I needed to get myself together and that I could look for a job when I was ready. I'm going to take a couple of days here to get a few personal business concerns taken care of, then I'm hitting the road. I'm not an irresponsable person, as my counselor put it this crisis is not allowing me to be me right now and a move would be best, it should enable to me get strong again.<p>I told her I have to admit that when I first get up there I'm going to be listening everyday for my H's car to pulling into the driveway and waiting for the phone to ring. She told me it was ok to feel this way. It's OK! I'm not running away, I'm taking care of me and doing what is best for me right now. <p>I will take my webtv with me, so I won't loose contact with ya'll.<p>She even told me it would be ok to just take a few days to only focus on sleeping and make sure I eat. It's quite here at my place, so I think I'll do that. Sleep would be so nice right now, and maybe some food, haven't eaten in over a day. Cigarettes and Coke don't sustain life very well!<p>On another foot note, I spoke to OW today. I called her and asked her what she was planning on doing. She said she couldn't answer me that, that she knows what I want her to do, but she can't decide for herself. She spoke to my H last night (well, duh!) and told him she was tired of all the lies and that she had spoken to me. We decided that both of us having no contact with him might do him some good. I didn't tell her my plans of moving. We talked about how my H is so scared of being alone, that no matter what he does right now he is going to have a backup plan to fall on. So, even if she doesn't stick to her no contact agreement with me, I'll be gone in plan B. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens. We are going to call each other in week and see what is going on.<p>I had a dream a couple of weeks ago where I was living with my friend and my H came to be with me. Maybe I should of really looked at that dream then. If he comes for me, I'll tell him to prove to me that he loves me, and the first way will be to make him move up there with me. He already told me once that he could get a job transfer up there no problem.

TBO,
I am so sorry things went the way they did. I can tell from your posts your a very special person. You will be OK just press on and take things one day at a time. Remember that if you need any help just post here and I am sure everyone will be happy to help. Keep reminding yourself things will get better just put forth the effort and it will be returned to you. Get some rest and keep working on you. You will be happy again.

Should I write a letter to my H to let him know what I am doing?<p>My counselor told me not to, to just go and mail him his stuff he left here.<p>I wish I had my SAA book to reference. I gave it to him and don't see getting it back anytime soon!

At this point I'd say don't contact H. Mail his stuff or leave it with his parents. Go to your friends house, get some rest and begin to start over. At this point you owe your H nothing and he has no right to ask anything from you. Do whatever it takes to get yourself happy again!