I have an odd question... has anyone heard of DiSC testing? If so, I have an unusual question/scenario to throw out here...<p>It's a technique we use where I work (we use it AFTER the hire is on board) just to see how they fit into a team. It measures four personality traits: dominance, influence, steadiness, conscientiousness.<p>Now, my WH has been complaining about my "controlling" nature. Which, I can understand looking at it from the light of the DiSC test I took. The D (dominance) and I (influence) were nearly equal... very high. I am a managing technical writer, hitting deadlines every day, prodding clients in interviews... very goal oriented although I am not what you'd consider an "A" personality. (Ok, so I had a minor interest in psychology in college.) I literally can take things as they come, talk it over with employee/client, see what needs to be done to meet deadline, and do it. It's just what comes naturally to me.<p>WH I would suspect is probably very high C (he's a programmer/web developer, very detail oriented). I would also think he's got a high D. He does love control too, but in a very overt way. Especially now. His way or the highway. I think it's one of the reasons he insists on maintaining his affair... it's fun, so why not keep it? I asked that it end, so it's a way to one up me, I suppose.<p>He admits he doesn't love her. "It never came up, don't ask about her marriage."<p>I'd like to have some insight on how to approach WH. Can't really Plan B right now... way way too many things in the road right now in order to do that. Like attorney appts (not for our situation, but for a car accident our D was involved in), a house refinancing, and he and I will be attending some marriage counseling this week.<p>But everytime I'm near this guy... and I do love him... he drives me insane with his goofy gal pal stuff. He dresses now like a 20 year old surfing kid, hickeys on his neck, and an attitude that says "hey, I'm laid back, i'm cool..." It is really DISGUSTING to see this out of a 45 year old man! He told me about the refi (which are are doing because of 180 about finances... he blew a lot of money, but that's another story) "it's only money..." But, we can lose this house if he doesn't straighten up.<p>How can I deal rationally with this man knowing what I do know about myself during this Plan A and knowing I have to be with him? This man just turned into something I do NOT recognize right now... he's driving me insane. To the point I get so frustrated with his new found "laid back.. it's only" attitude. H used to be typical suburban Republic family man... this is soooo weird. He hates my "management" approach to life! Hey... it's only money, it's only his life, but forget mine and our kids. (Sarcasm only does me any good posting here... so please forgive it.)<p>I end up in tears around him because of it... it causes a lot of LBing for me...<p>Any insights are appreciated...

Hi, <p>I took that test and a course on it over 10 years ago at work. REquirement for those in lead and management positions. For about 2 months after that we had to fight the tendancy to rate everyone we came in contact with. LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So he is detail oriented but socially lost? <p>Well what have you read about MLC (mid life crisis?) Maybe he is dealing with similar issues. <p>A 45 year old man acting like an 18 year old kid is just as goofy looking as a 50 year old lady dressing like a young kid and turning around and seeing the wrinkles on her face (I worked with someone like that - yuck!!). <p>Anyway, check out the MLC info. You can do a research on the internet or post that question. It is a frequent reason that comes up around here. <p>Sorry you are having to deal with this. <p>take care,
L.

there's an idea! Come home dressed in a teenage ensemble, and put a few fake hickeys on your neck...tell him you think this new way of living is sooo cooool. LOL!<p>Not funny, I know...sorry. It DEFINATLY sounds like a MLC...too bad HE doesn't see that!

Orchid...socially lost in space [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Warning Will Robinson!<p>As for MLC I'm finding all the resources I can. Have found a few, will share if anyone is interested.<p>As for the looks... my goodness. I think maybe I deserve a boob lift, a face lift, and some butt enhancements for this once it's all over. (I lost so much weight over this one my pants don't stay up!) No way am I gonna go the inexpensive way like WS <LOL> with the tanning salons, hair dye, the pooka shell necklaces and other gal pal jewelery.... I know that I shouldn't make such disrespectful judgements but it is funny. And to tell the truth, the H is a very handsome person sans all of the new "enhancements." I'm not too deep into vanity, but naturally he is is a very attractive person. Tall, slender, huge blue eyes, auburn hair. Grey hair started setting in and he got lost in space, I guess??? <p>We once had heated discussion that included a hidden bottle of grecian formula that I found. I told him I thought he looked very distinguished and handsome with the streaks of grey. But he didn't take that as a compliment. Said to hell with looking distinguished!<p>Just trying to figure out how to play poker with less then a full deck these days [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] and find the best road through this. Acceptance coming slowly. Good therapist in MY corner does wonders although not good for pocketbook. That kind of money could go to the plastic surgeon [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]